Dating thread 149 - we live a life of oh wells not what if's

[lifegoes]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Good post wishywashy6 Especially the club analogy.

From my experience, if I'm getting frustrated because of a lack of interest or decent blokes, then I know I need to take a step back.
And also take a break from this thread (sorry folks!). But sometimes it can feel like everyone on here is out on dates while you have no one taking even a tiny bit of interest in you.

But I do like to hear about the success stories, like wishywashy's.

Hi everyone, I hope you don't mind me butting in and asking a quick question. I'm looking at signing up to fab/bumble for a fwb type thing but I'm wondering how much do you get to know them before inviting them back to yours or going back to theirs??

chics I'd say that's up to you. I'd definitely have at least one social meet.

Well I finally might have something to report.

I have been discussing with two guys going on a date Mr NiceGuy and MrVanished. Both had wanted evening dates and I thought I had frightened them away been too assertive by suggesting lunch as they stopped replying. Both seem like nice, respectful older guys. Mr NiceGuy has offered to meet me for lunch nearby and doesn't mind driving an hour. It'll probably be a country pub and I will be praying none of my school mum 'friends' see us as they're still gossiping about my breakup.

I'm not sure how much chemistry there would be with either but I haven't dated for 20 years now and just want to kiss a few frogs and learn how to talk to / flirt with men again before I meet someone really shaggable. Having said that my stbexh wasn't exactly an oil painting and I fancied the pants off him because he was so funny and interesting so I am going into all dates with an open mind.

I also had a lovely chat with a good looking guy who is about 6 years younger than me last night. Obviously I have no idea what he's like in real life or the age of his profile photos (he does look good in them) and he hasn't asked to meet me but I am going to book a bikini line appointment just in case! And today I might've bought some new lingerie

Go stealthninja !

Thanks Man I am thinking of rule number 4 that it still might not happen but if I turn up to a pub and Mr NiceGuy isn't there I will enjoy reading a book!

By the way Man well done for changing your name and naming your irons.

Thanks Stealth I'm still getting the hang of this thread...

How exciting TooOld

I agree with being relaxed about OLD, just see it as meeting people. I do that with Fab as well. I'm quite a chilled sort of person though ...

I think I may be back on Fab soon. Mr Sailor is just not demonstrative enough. We have date 4 tomorrow. I'm completely leaving it in his hands - in my mind he should invite me to his so we can be more physical than our previous cafe/restaurant/cinema dates have allowed ....

Wishy- love the club analogy.
Batshit- why don’t you suggest that?
Man4 - agreed love the new names
And whoever suggested I watch dear john wow yes sooo good l- only 3 episodes in- but scary that it’s true. Don’t watch before contemplating having someone at your house 🤣

bats I'll admit to being the kind of guy you have to sometimes hit over the head with a sledgehammer to see a signal.. Maybe he's the same?

ccgirr I watched some of Dirty John last night ....

Man4 I have tried 😳 there's been a fair bit of innuendo in my messages to him, but the only response I get is a ☺ emoji ... I need something a bit more .... earthy, shall we say !!

When he mentioned on our last date about me going to his house (at the time it was going to be at some point in the future) I said yes, that would be lovely (him cooking for me). He then said his adult sons who live with him had offered to 'make themselves scarce'. Then said he'd shown them my Tinder profile 😳 But he hasn't touched me apart from a hug to warm me up. No groping or fondling .... 😕

My innate good manners won't allow me to invite myself round to someone else's house 😂

Batshit is he new on old? I put an innuendo (I thought) in a message and the guy didn't get it at all and responded seriously. I think some of us just aren't great at communicating via text and it's a skill to learn. Also I wonder if there are so many dodgy men out there that the nice ones are going too far in the other direction?

And obviously I haven't gone near a man other than ex in years so would be terrified of doing this but have you tried touching him?

He isn't new to OLD, no. Divorced for 15 years, had a couple of relationships in that time.

I'm just not getting the vibe that he'd want me to touch him. Literally none. Even when we've kissed goodbye I've moved much closer and he's not reciprocated 😕😳 Not looking good at all, is it .... But why does he want to keep meeting me??

Between our weekly dates we exchange a couple of messages a day. We don't phone each other .... Right. Made up my mind, if nothing happens tomorrow then it's the end.

wishy - great post. I friend zoned MrMusic for quite a while and dated others. It took him making his feelings clear to jolt me into action.
Batshit - Yes, I think that's wise. Could be an underlying problem in the equipment as many of us have found out at some stage. Hopefully not!

What is this Dear John programme and where can I watch it?

Batshit I had I iron like this, we went on quite a few dates and he barely touched me, I then invited him around my house as he said he was good at sports massage and I um...happaned to have (or fake) a sports injury, I got him into my bedroom with a bottle of massage oil and the massage went on for ever (I was getting bored) so I then made my move, the sex was pretty good but then he did a vanishing act for a few months until he decided to come back for more. I’m pretty sure now that he does have a wife. I think you have 2 choices, you carry on as you are and slowly try and seduce him or you jump on him and risk scaring him off. He might just be looking for company instead of sex?
Not sure what it is with men, they are either totally obsessed with sex (Mr SA) or they are fridged as hell 🤣

Tooold it's on Netflix. A must watch

Thanks for all the words of wisdom.

I get what you're saying and I'm not making old the be all and just wanted to meet people and see where it went but I just seem to be attracting the type who only want one thing - despite me saying in profile not after hook ups - and then ghost when I make clear what I had said stands or penpals who when a date has been arranged ghost 🤦‍♀️ Unfortunately all the ones ive actually met with, whilst being lovely, weren't for me 🤷‍♀️

I don't know Love, I guess men have their issues around sex as much as women do. Unfortunately these issues can be very difficult to talk about upfront, it's only over time they come out.

Re old irons coming back on the scene after a while: I would be very wary about this. I dumped Mr Mad last year because he was just so unavailable (works away, DC EOW etc) and I was frustrated. He came back after a couple of months and it's been lovely to be in touch and fantastic when we get together, but the issues haven't gone away, and I'm just about to dump his ass again. Turns out he was an ex for a reason!

Question I'm really interested to get your thoughts on...

Age difference, how young and how old do you a) put on your settings and b) would you go realistically.

FWB it doesn't bother me (obv legal 😄) and not younger than 30 (me being early 40's)
But for a relationship I think I would need to be over at least 35.

Thoughts, and what age gap do you have on your profile

I’m 37, youngest I have met is 26 (and he’s still pestering me) and oldest 49. I prefer to date people 40+

@lifegoes I can't remember what mine were set at but bf is 26 and I'm 36
In all honesty he's got his head screwed on more than many guys I met my own age or older!

Life goes- I’m 42 and went 40-48 as guide. Young ones annoyed me still messaging though. I didn’t want someone at a different stage in kid things and still into going clubbing etc

I would say Life that I think it depends if you just after a fwb as those I found young was fine 🤣 ten years younger than me.