Dating thread 149 - we live a life of oh wells not what if's

[lifegoes]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

supercali I think there is some truth in that.
But I'd rather someone was honest and said they weren't interested, than have a half hearted chit chat which leave me wondering why they bothered to match in the first place.

Sure this has been asked before but do you tend to wait for the man to message first or vice versa? I had a nosey on Tinder, a few matches but no message. One looks nice so I'm wondering whether to message or just wait and assume disinterest if I don't hear anything...

Eesha if they match in the daytime then I'll wait until late evening and if I haven't heard anything, I'll send a message.
If they match in the evening, I'll give them til the following evening then I'll send a message.

They have 2 days to reply, then I unmatch if I've heard nothing.

myold for sure. There's so many grey areas though. Like, if you say that to someone then that's a definite end to the convo but for my own part I'm not saying no I'm just having trouble maintaining a convo. It does suck though

eesha I always waited for them to text first. Any time I initiated for whatever reason it never really went anywhere when I did. Shrug. Maybe it's my bants haha

@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking @supercali77 that's what I'm thinking, if they don't message, maybe uninterested. Then again I always unmatch quickly if uninterested.

I never message them first unless it's bumble then I have to.

Quick update from me a guy I started talking when I first set up got back in touch. Mr FaF (fit as fuck) Wasn't expecting it as we just stopped talking. Think I was busy with Mr G. Anyway, he was asking if I was now taken and still wanted to meet up. Only problem is he's away on holiday now for 4 weeks, but he's said he really wants to meet up when he's back. I'm a bit blaaahhh as In why bother getting in touch now. But he is FaF

Also on a nice note, guy I was talking to on bumble and we were going to meet up. Sent me a long message Told me he was getting back with his ex. He thought he should tell me and that he's sorry. He thinks I'm an amazing woman and that he hopes I find someone I deserve.

I thought that was nice (not the last bullshit part) but that he told me. He's also now removed himself (I think) but made me think it's nice to know there are some respectful guys out there.

So eventful but no further forward 🙄

But why do they say they're interested then not reply to messages? 2 guys have asked me out on dates and I have suggested lunch and heard nothing back. Others have liked me then ignored the messages I sent. Maybe they like the ego boost of lots of women messaging them.

Crossposted with lifegoes but how lovely that someone would give you some closure respectfully rather than ghost you.

Regarding messages and not replying, it could be numerous reasons.

Found someone else
Haven't logged back in
Talking to someone else
Just utter pricks and not worth your time

I also find men seem to use Instagram, Twitter and Facebook to chat up women. I've experienced this multiple times, so have my friends and I know men that do it. These are the type I tend to stay away from.

I really wouldn't let it worry you, it's their loss

Oh I’ve found you all I thought the other thread had gone quiet, didn’t realise a new one had started.

Good that he was decent enough to let you know life but isn’t it sad that we’re at the point as seeing that as nice, instead of it being the least we could do.

Ho hum, I did message and he replied immediately but he was hard work. Wish I didn't, will avoid messaging first next time! However at leasr i found out very quickly

Eesha don’t let one person put you off. Sometimes I message first, and it lead to meeting one of my dates in person (which was a disaster but that’s not the point )

I believe in going and getting what you want, not just waiting for it to fall into your lap. Be bold and message someone if you like the look of them.

lifegoes that happened to me last year. Met someone I finally liked, found attractive, thought the feeling was mutual. Three long dates in a week (unheard of for me). Then he tells me his ex has been in touch and he wants to give it another try.
I was gutted. But not for too long

You are right MIA it's a shame that we class normal respectful behaviour as a surprise these days

MyOld
I was just surprised he sent a nice message explaining. It's always the risk with OLD you don't know what's going on in their life.

I'm more gutted about this other guy going away for 3 weeks, why text out the blue saying he Def wants to meet up when he's back. He better keep me entertained when he's away 😉

Just checking in from my work trip! Ha I might have to check out Fab now, just for the entertainment value :)

Keeping chatting with a few of the irons while I'm away. One of them was really boring me convo wise - basically because he hasn't ever asked me even a single question about myself - not even what I was doing when I said where I was (it's an interesting place, won't say as maybe a bit outing) so instead of ghosting him I decided to be upfront and called him out on it and said that was why I didn't think we should talk anymore!

Mr Non-Monogamous has been in touch (aargh) not saying anything particularly eventful but he's obviously trying to keep some kind of line of communication open. Don't know how I feel about that really. I did reply but not really inviting further convo, he replied again but I've left it since then. He'd have to step up quite a bit more I think....

Could do with an itch being scratched though ;))

Oh Mr Self-Absorbed has just messaged on Bumble (I'd blocked him on WhatsApp after calling him out) to say:

here’s a question for you ( mostly FOR you and only a little bit ABOUT you i admit ) :
would you give a chance to a guy who’s ego is a bit damaged as he’s just been dumped ? :)

Not sure that quite cuts it tbh! 😆

I like the cut of his jib leonasa

I had a funny strategy when on OLD. If I was ever in the pub with male freinds who bad gold banter and my chats on OLD were going nowhere...I'd ask them to send some messages....something about that seemed to unlock the door 😂

My old flaky Christmas iron has been in touch. He's a safe back up option but flaky and he's happy to be a FWB. Am considering him tbh because he's not sleazy and no nasty surprises

Morning All
I had my old OLD iron round last night. We had started dating, had a row, stopped, started seeing each other again on a casual basis. He got pissed off with my attitude and sent me a msg to say so and blocked me on WhatsApp. I thought it was for the best at the time. But I missed him. I deliberated but eventually sent a msg to him via normal text, shock horror asking if we can talk. He has his kids (2 teenagers) 50% so it's important to him that I meet them if we are going forward. This was one of the things that we fell out about in the early days as I thought it was a bit too much. Now though, it seems right. OMG, think I am in a relationship! Lol.

So I have a new potential iron who messaged me out of the blue. Lets call her Mrs JT. Her profile says she is in a "complicated relationship" Is that OLD speak for married?

tooold oooooo! Interesting!

man4all just ask? Maybe it means poly or separated but still co habiting

Supercali I have. She's working atm.

Don't you just hate life getting in the way of dating?

I just wondered what the collective thought.