Dating thread 149 - we live a life of oh wells not what if's

[lifegoes]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

It’s really interesting to see fellow SN parents who feel like I do!

Just nice to let someone else take the reins sometimes - not regarding parenting (no one will be meeting my children), or major decisions of course, but for the man to decide where we eat, what we watch, what we do. I like someone decisive and slightly dominant that is happy to take charge (whilst respecting my needs, preferences, dislikes etc. Don’t ask for much do I? 😁)

TooOld I’m glad your date wised up!

supercali chuffed for you mate!

Awwww super that's lovely.

I'm chatting to Mr Cat (lots of voice messages) - he's got a lovely voice, is intelligent and very funny ... compared to Mr Sailor, who just asks me how my day's been ... 😕

Interesting definition of FWB. I’ve been thinking if that’s what I want. I struggle to see how I could ever really integrate my life with someone else’s until my kids are grown up. But I don’t think it is. I want to really matter to someone. I want to be loved.

Another single mum, Not of SN but to mental health issues, and yes someone to make decisions is welcomed. Doing every little thing by yourself can be exhausting.

Another SN mum here!

It definitely influences my want for an assertive man. Maybe that's why I like Mr S- he's assertive, dominant, knows and speaks his own mind and is kind and considerate and thoughtful must remember he is just a fwb!

I have a son with aspergers. It's bloody hard work sometimes.

love, I dumped mr garden gate yesterday because of all the sexual innuendos even though I asked him to calm it down. Just made me feel he wanted me for my looks(which are very average) and I wanted a deeper connection.
Popped over today to give him his stuff and weirdly it wasn't awkward,just strange going from snogs to a quick hug(!)infact I tried out the bike he'd bought me and we cycled around the village!

My Fab date for tomorrow has cancelled due to work (he says). He also said maybe next week. But i won't hold my breath.

I have a couple of other options but they aren't as good.

So, my date has gone. After a very frank discussion, he IS only after a FB. He has his kids every week-end and doesn't even live alone. It's a non-starter for me. The kisses were passionate and I could have easily gone to bed with him. But, it's not what I want.

Oh shame TooOld

That's a shame @TooOldForThis67 but better to know now

I'm getting to the end of my tether! So frustrated. I would gladly take MrWow back.

That’s rubbish tooold what a shame . At least he did come clean tonight, but still...

What happened with mr wow tooold

Just messaged someone on bumble and had ‘you’re cute. I like’. Reply. Ugh. Unmatch.

Feeling a bit lonely tonight :(

Ugh notcool I had someone reply “yummy”

I replied. I’m not food.

Do some people like that kind of thing?

I have my Bumble and tinder hidden just now but I was away the weekend and thought I'd swipe while away as missing the swiping bit - anyhoo I matched with loads but any chat they started I said sorry I'm travelling but.......one guy who lives 90 miles away has kept chatting he seems lovely and now I'm like do I unmatch him or keep chatting he knows where I live - he said he'd come see me it's only 1hr on train. Mr Grey No2 has gone off the radar since message sent Sunday saying he did want to see me again I'd deleted him and I deleted his message after responding so I couldn't message him even if I wanted to! It would be just my luck that a guy I met and liked lived so far away 😭

Please can I join, I'm knew to mumsnet and new to dating. My ex and I met through mutual friends but split up a few months ago after 4.5 years together. I've just decided to give online dating ago and could do with any tips if anyone has any advice.

I signed up to POF earlier and am finding it quite daunting and overwhelming. I've had messages from about 10 people so far but clearly I can't have that many conversations at once especially as I'm trying to chat to friends as well. I've just ignored most of them but I feel a bit rude. I have got talking to a couple, the one I've clicked with more wants me to call him but I'm not sure I'm ready to give out my phone number yet. I've also had a couple of other messages asking if I'm on whatsapp. I have a lot of notifications on some paid for extra 'meet me' or something like that but I'm not really sure what it is.

I'm guessing I stand out as recently joined and things might die down a bit but I'm feeling out of my depth and like I may have made a mistake getting involved with this. I've had a quick look at the profiles of men who have messaged me but I haven't had chance to browse beyond that and I don't know how to go about trying to find the right person amongst so many others.

Sorry for the rambling post, I'm just after any advice and a bit of company whilst I give this a go

@ATR707 hey! It is hard in the beginning to keep multiple chats running. It's natural to only chat to those you're interested in. Don't feel bad! And yes...the amount of first messages dies down over time. Re: WhatsApp and giving out your number. It's your call but unless you can be traced by your number e.g. your details are online and searchable by it .... It's not that big a deal as you can just block anyone who pesters you. I think though that the app kik let's you chat to someone outside of the dating app without exchanging numbers....someone else on here will be able to confirm this. Anyway....good luck!

@Focus2019 meet him first and see he's willing to travel and it's not that far.

Had a friend come round for a few drinks last night, I showed her Mr S's profile and saw a new verification from last night (not an issue as we are sort of fwb/fb) what annoys me is that he actively lied about his plans... should it bother me? I am not bothered that he had sex with someone else, but why lie? Or is it sort of expected that he wouldn't tell me in case it put me off? (It doesn't, we are not exclusive in any way)

@ATR707 you'll get used to it!!
Nobody is entitled to a response, I generally got anywhere between 20-50 messages a day between tinder, Pof and badoo but only ever responded to one's that vaguely interested me.
Any mention of sex chat bored me to death so they were an instant no, same with guys that had nothing more than 'hi' unless they looked like Tom hardy then I'd give them a chance

The multiple chatting can get a bit boring so I tended to weed out those who couldn't hold any form of conversation beyond 'how was ur day?' early on, plus the ones who couldn't go 3 sentences without mentioning their penis

Any that I found genuinely interesting enough I tried to set up a date with fairly early on as really it's all bollocks until you've met! In fact the only guy I didn't meet up with quickly is now my boyfriend 😆 but chatting with him was easy from day 1, just took us a while to coordinate schedules in order to arrange our first date ☺️

This group is great for advice and really helped me get my head round it all, good luck!

30something - I have a Fab profile just out of curiosity but that's the thing I noticed, the verifications. I know it's meant to be 'hey I'm genuine' but it's a bit of a turn off. Who wants to know about previous partners? Do you have an option of declining verification or will you end up with one on your profile? Hopefully someone will come along that's also doing Fab to give unbiased advice.

You don't have to publish your veris. But it will say something on your profile like '3 verifications from 3 men'. I find them fascinating to read

Tooold- totally agree. Verifications helpful when sex only but for me was too much like a product to consider more than that.
30something- did your friend find it odd too?

I would also say that I wouldn't meet a man who had no verifications, even if he didn't publish them on his profile, I'd need to know he had them. It's one of the issues for men on Fab - getting that first verification.