Dating thread 149 - we live a life of oh wells not what if's

[lifegoes]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Cassettes- I just googled is pepper spray.
Too old- ok I get the difficulty of going out. Least you can say son is there too! Good luck

ccgirr and cassettes - it's like a pepper spray but it also stains the skin or clothing and not easily got off. It's not illegal as such. I had my bag searched at a football ground and they took away my mini Impulse spray but didn't comment on the farb!! Lol.

Gosh this thread is moving so quickly! Just catching up with where everyone is.

So I’ve got my FWB situation that I’m enjoying very much and I’m hoping it moves into something a little more, he’s certainly making comments/sending messages that I wouldn’t expect from a FWB. Mind you, I’ve never done this FWB thing before so I don’t really know what to expect!

I also had a date (number 4) with the last guy I got chatting to before I deleted Bumble. We had a cosy night in, I stayed over and it was lovely but I don’t think he’s going to be The One as he’s just too nice! That sounds mad I know, but he’s quite indecisive, a bit too laid back, fairly quiet. I prefer someone a little sparkier, with a bit more oomph about them, more dominant. It took ages to decide what takeaway to have and what film to watch lol.

I also found myself frequently comparing him to my FWB which probably isn’t fair 🤦🏼‍♀️

Man you would think, but it's a swingers site predominantly and lots of people hiding behind accounts. I've seen there's an option for non verified accounts to look.

I'd just feel safer not showing my face until I started to chat with someone

Lot of married men and women on there

I have decided today that following my break from OLD and new found clarity over dating apps, what they do to my self-esteem, my experiences with the women on them and what I actually want I am going to ditch all of them except for Hinge.

All I have found over the last few years is those that are emotionally unavailable, serial daters, those on the rebound, etc.

Hinge is gaining a lot of popularity in London because it is more focused on those that want a relationship and because you only get a handful of daily swipes a day I think it's less likely to attract those wanting validation, lots of matches, etc. The one girl I met before Christmas who I went on a fair few dates with was matched with Hinge.

I'm also at a place in my life where I don't want tons of dates with different women, I don't want one night stands or a FWB so I'm going to give this a go over the next month or two and see how it goes. The break over the past month from OLD has given me back my confidence and I no longer worry if I am going to have a weekend by myself because I haven't got any dates lined up so am comfortable with my own company. I'm not worried about only getting a handful of likes each day either as I realise I am a catch and I will get tons of matches on there anyway.

At the very least it might make my bank account look a lot healthier

Sidge - I sometimes wonder if men are hiding behind the FWB label. Yes, they want the sex but being over cautious about the relationship thing? I know what you mean about your 'nice' guy. A lot of people have been posting about this lately. Have you dtd with him yet?

Oh I get you sidge I can't be with too nice people. That sounds bad, but I'm a strong minded woman and hate indecisiveness. So would walk all over a too nice man.

My take on FWB. Is everything a relationship offers but without all the commitment and having to consider th other half when making plans etc 😂

@lifegoes that explanation of fwb is perfect. I wonder if I can stay fwb forever?

@30somethingandsingle haha, that's what I've put on my fab account. Just so everyone is clear what I want 😂

I'm starting to think that's all I need in life at the moment.

TooOld yes we DTD for the first time when I stayed over Saturday. It was lovely, no real complaints, but just a bit formulaic. But then the first time isn’t usually amazing anyway is it? But I found myself thinking about my FWB afterwards and making mental comparisons - I know, I know, that sounds awful. Not just sexually but personality wise too.

lifegoes I’m pretty strong minded in a lot of ways, but conversely being a single parent (and DD2 has very complex SN) I get tired of making ALL the decisions. Sometimes I just want someone else to make them! I’ll be clear if it’s not something I want to do/eat/watch but otherwise I like to let someone else take control.

Sidge no reason why you can't have that. I like assertive men for this reason.

Sidge - no one can help make comparisons. I'd say if it's his personality and the sex that's not up to your usual standards then I'd say time to call it a day.

lifegoes me too. I know it can be a fine line between confidence/assertiveness and bossiness/arrogance but I do prefer a man who has a bit of va va voom!

richdeniro it sounds like you’ve made some real progress in terms of what you’re looking for (I hope that doesn’t sound patronising).

So, already had the 'forgot I was meant to be watching the Spurs game with my mate tonight, so can we do tomorrow instead?'
No. Next!

TooOld you’re right, I just need to find the words. I hate that part! It’s easier when you’ve only had a coffee or a drink, but when you’ve had a few dates and DTD it’s more difficult isn’t it? Especially as he is lovely, just not right for me.

Just had a phone call from my date, apologising and saying yes, I'm more important than a footie game. So we are still on! Pays to be a bit assertive.

Wow, a new thread and I’m way behind... I posted a couple of times on the previous thread so I kind of know what some of you are up to!
Myold that’s interesting about bumble/tinder. Makes sense I suppose. I’ve come to the end of the line with tinder and I’m feeling a bit meh about it now.
Leonasa totally agree about guys messaging back – the return ratio isn’t good!
Tooold Wow! well done. hope tonight goes well.

I was wondering if any guys on here could tell me what they think of bumble? I joined a few days ago and although I prefer it to tinder, I feel like some guys just reply within the 24h and then don’t keep the chat going. I won’t double text but do guys expect you to do the chasing/asking out?

rich I totally get what you’re saying. Actually, I wonder sometimes if I’m not cut out for OLD after all or if I’m just attracting the wrong guys or what? I feel very forward but could I send you screenshots of my profile?

Good for you tooold

@KhaleesiTargaryen I like bumble better than tinder. Although on some we do match and I send a message, the conversation doesn't really go that far. I don't do chasing, if they don't reply to my message at any time. I just move on.

I have just redone my account yesterday and it's helped with more men to match with

lifegoes totally agree. If I don't get a reply to my second message i just leave it hanging. Why bother?

Nerves are kicking in now. I've already had a couple of wines. Why does this happen every single time? I should be used to it by now, had plenty of dates at home and away. Doesn't seem to get easier .
I'm can't eat, stomach flips. It's awful.

Mr Classy has just been in touch to confirm upcoming date
Not likely to have much news for a few days from me

@Sidge also single SN parent here and know exactly what you mean about wanting to be able to let someone else steer the ship a bit in your free time. Drippy men get on my wick a bit.

Another parent of a now-adult with SN who likes assertive men here ....!

Fast moving thread. Great to see so many of us taking positive action. Going out there and asking for needs to be met. Decisiveness. Lovin it! I have a 6th date with mr old iron on Thurs. Ditched everything else. All my eggs. Meet basket haha. I'm quite smitten

Aww supercali go for it.
Another parent of SN here. We are used to kicking arse when needs be hey!

SN mum here too.

So, I’m getting fed up with the sex talk with Mr SA, he texts me every morning and evening and it turns into sex talk, I’m getting bored of it so I just reply with an emoji rather than encouraging it. Yesterday was a stressful day for me so I didn’t reply to his messages last night, told him this morning that I had a stressful day but didn’t get any sympathy, tonight he messaged asking if I had a good day and after 3 messages it turns to sex, I sent a emoji and now he’s vanished 😁. If he sends me any more innuendos I think I will say “FFS this is getting boring, there’s much more to life than sex”.