Dating thread 149 - we live a life of oh wells not what if's

[lifegoes]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

I agree. I don't use my real name or any recognisable pics publicly on Fab. Also set my security so my profile can't be seen by non-members.

I don't have any public pics and I changed my name on Fab. I had a couple of friend photos and I have a private face pic I send. On my profile I say I won't respond to message without face pic.

Thanks @30somethingandsingle I had used a fake name but wasn't sure what to put as a picture. always that fear someone from my work connections sees it 👀

Oh and I'm using Kik which I'm going to use for regular OLD now too save me giving out my number. I love the comment about burner phone 🤣🤣🤣 we are all mental sex addicts I think 🤣🤣🤣

I only ever hear of burner phones on criminal minds ha ha never used KiK before, was thinking of just using my Snapchat instead

I don't know, I think KiK comes across as rather seedy, I'm going to use a burner phone from now on after 30's experience with giving out a number. Certainly no face pics on Fab either - just fake name, 'female looking for male', and age.

Re: Fab. I use a fake name. I have a face pic that is private and I'll only attach to messages once I've seen their face and they ask for it. I also tick the box that deletes the photo once they've read the message.
My public pic is an arty cleavage shot. Shows nothing very exciting but seems to get attention.

On the advice of others on here, my profile says I won't reply to messages without a face pic. And I'm also very clear that FWB means friends as well as the benefits.

The ones I'm chatting to are similar to me - busy lives and don't want the hassle of a serious relationship.

I have my first Fab night tomorrow. I'm getting nervous already!

I'm sounding daft here, but using the site from my phone. Im not sure where to put in these rules about not replying to no pictures etc.

Ignore the below. I've got it.

Anyone else find when moving from bumble to tinder you keep super liking people by mistake?

Ha ha lifegoes I’m forever superseiping by mistake!!

I’m still too scared to try fab. I set up a profile but haven’t dared go back to it.

I’m wondering if I need to tell Mr S I’ve gone back on the apps. I don’t think I owe him exclusivity if he can’t offer me a relationship. But I am sleeping with him which seems to me when most of you have the chat. I don’t know how to bring it up. And I’ve not had even a sniff of a snog since I’ve been back on them.

I have a coffee date tonight, at my house. I know - I'll be careful. We tried to arrange during the day but our schedules keep clashing. I put him off last w/e cos of the other guy. I'll call this one MrEE as he looks a bit like Martin off EastEnders. Has a very nice accent/voice and he gets my sense of humour. Thing is on his Badoo profile, he said he was looking for 'friends'. He msg me first and I said it's a no from me as looking for a relationship. He said he was too but didn't want to rush into anything. Hmm. Lol.

Re FAB,
My profile pic is a head shot, and my only public ones are recognisably me.. You all have me worried about being recognised now!!

You can get Fab members to review your profile (and look at previous reviews). From what I've seen of other guys profile reviews, a face pic is preferred to a er, more indiscrete photo

NotCool if you can't have a full relationship with him then to me that sounds like FWB, so it's your choice as to whether you tell him you're back on the apps - he will assume you are, I would have thought, so nothing needs to be said. Surely there aren't rules about this though? Whatever is best for you. But weren't you previously hoping he would be a relationship? If so I'm guessing you need to keep a firm grip on your feelings around this guy for self-protection.

Oh yes cassettes watching my feelings is my upmost concern here. And my main reason for getting back on the apps. I need to be careful I don’t over invest and end up getting hurt. We have a lot of fun together (in all senses) but now I know where his head is at, I have to look after myself.

Man if you don't want just anyone to recognise you (eg DC's teachers, colleagues) I think you have to be careful about your profile/public pics on Fab. I think people generally are pretty OK about dating apps, but swinging sites can be viewed pretty dimly by non-OLD acquaintances IME

KIK is good as you don't need to give out your phone number and thus the need for a burner phone. On Fabs messaging can be quite cumbersome but i tend to let the female dictate the pace of communication.

Notcool - I'm really fed up with this exclusive business. Guys seem to want it but then don't really have time for a relationship. So, what are you supposed to do the other 6 days of the week? I just wish men would be honest about their intentions. They don't seem to think that us women have feelings. I think men just think with their cocks (sorry men on the thread, just having a bitch).

Notcool it's because bumble you swipe up to look at rest of profile and on tinder that's super like 🤦🏻‍♀️

You don't need to tell him anything, you owe him nothing. You want a relationship, he can't give you that so you are FWB. You keep looking for the one.

Tooold be careful, but see what he's like tonight. Sometimes people don't know what they want, until it's in front of them 😉

Man I'm sure you will be ok, it's just with that site being so open and the title of it, the last thing I need is colleagues or potential business partners seeing me on there 😂

Re fab tho, I've updated my rules and been clear on what I want etc. It's really helped with the messages I'm getting. So thank you all.

I must admit I don't actually have a burner phone, but depending how date/shag night goes with Mr S, I will get one. I've deleted my profile on fab but will set another one up if/when needed.

Mr S is messaging ALOT, considering I met him on fab and it's supposed to be a regular fb/fwb he is not the type of guy I expected to meet (in some ways- in others..) I'm not sure how I feel about it to be honest... will see how Friday goes!

@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking let us know how it goes!

TooOld it's one of the reasons I've given up completely on formal relationships, I can't get my head around exclusivity and commitment at all. I don't think it's just men at fault though, it's the social conditioning we've all had that monogamy is the only acceptable state

Too old -oh man be careful. What made you say your house?

lifegoes Can you look at other peoples profiles without joining? I'd have thought anyone on there is there for the same reason, and (hopefully) discreet ?

Yes please be careful TooOld - tell someone IRL and get them to ring you or something to check you're okay.

Due to work I absolutely can't have a face pic as a public one on Fab. Have an arty pic of my legs instead ...

ccgirr - I've had loads of first dates at my house. I have my son at home so can't get out so easily. I also have a dog and live in a terraced house. I have a rape alarm and 'farb gel'. I am physically fit and still practice MMA occasionally. I'm not one to panic in a crisis. Never had a situation I couldn't deal with. I know there is always a first.

What is 'farb gel' TooOld?