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Original poster

OW's DH has just contacted me almost one year later...

324 replies

NameChaChaChange · 24/02/2019 04:44

My DH kissed an ex colleague after a few weeks of flirting, messaging and work night outs almost one year ago..

Shortly after I discovered what had happened, I messaged the OW's DH essentially asking him how he was coping, if he was okay - I basically was hoping to gleam more info from him that my DH perhaps hadn't parted with, but his wife may have.

Anyway! The man never got back to me, but this evening, 10 and a half months later, he has...

He's sent me a friend request and asked me how I'm doing and that he should have asked a long time ago:..

I'm now wide awake freaking out that this bloke is going to tell me things that happened between his wife and my DH that I've been blissfully unaware of for the last year.

Why contact me now?????

OP posts:
mummysharkdododododo · 24/02/2019 07:59

Does your H know the OW H as been in touch with you? Thanks

Original poster
NameChaChaChange · 24/02/2019 08:05

Yeah my DH knows. I was on my phone at like 4am this morning and he asked what was wrong so I told him who had been in touch and that he'd asked how I was.

Spoke to DH just now and said that the stories don't align but he's claiming his version is gospel and that the OW is clearly lying. Naturally. Of course she is HmmHmmHmm

He's now annoyed that things have been 'dredged up from a year ago'. Poor him. What about me????!!!

OP posts:
Yabbers · 24/02/2019 08:29

he had no idea his wife cheated, would confront her, she'd confess some stuff and I was hoping to find out more
You used him for your own purpose and now you’re upset about him contacting you?

You should never have contacted him, that was selfish. You’ll just have to live with the consequences of that.

ChrisPrattsFace · 24/02/2019 08:31

It’s frustrating that your DH is ‘sticking to his story’ now there as another version.
I hope you get the truth OP. But I guess you’ll never know if it is!

TheInvestigator · 24/02/2019 08:32

So the other woman made it worse for herself by telling her husband more than what she actually did? I don't think so.

If it was one impromptu kiss on a walk home, then that's what she'd have told her husband but she told him something worse. She wouldn't make that up and get herself into more trouble so it's true. Your husband is lieing and he doesn't care... He's only annoyed that you have the audacity to question him. He doesn't care about you. He cares about himself.

SoupDragon · 24/02/2019 08:33

the OW is clearly lying. Naturally. Of course she is

Well, she might be. It's just as likely as your DH lying, especially as she's clearly done it again.

You probably will never got to the bottom of it to your satisfaction so you need to decide what you want to do based on the things you've been told. If they'd cooked up a story between them, the accounts would have matched. In a way, it is irrelevant who is lying.

I would question the other DH's motives in contacting you. I would have thought he would have let it lie after all this time. Just seems a bit odd.

Kittykat93 · 24/02/2019 08:34

The problem with staying with someone after infidelity is even if you forgive them, there will always be a little part of you that wonders if you were told the whole truth or if there was more to it. You'll never know.

Ragnarhairybreetches · 24/02/2019 08:34

The only way you will know who is telling the truth is to see proof in the form of texts. Other than that you just have to decide what to believe.
I think it is pretty obvious your DH minimised at the time, it's a natural reaction, but how important is it for you to know the truth? For me is was of over whelming importance, for my friend, she didn't want to know all the details. Flowers

AnotherEmma · 24/02/2019 08:36

Man lied to his wife about full extent of his affair! What a shocker!

LTB

CookPassBabtridge · 24/02/2019 08:37

Yeah I doubt the OW would make up a worse version. If it really was just kisses then I would move on but the lying could indicate much more happened.

Kennehora · 24/02/2019 08:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Romanov · 24/02/2019 08:39

@Yabbers

he had no idea his wife cheated, would confront her, she'd confess some stuff and I was hoping to find out more
You used him for your own purpose and now you’re upset about him contacting you?

You should never have contacted him, that was selfish. You’ll just have to live with the consequences of that.

Wow, harsh. Maybe op didn't contact with the best intentions but I don't think it was a selfish act, why shouldn't the OWDH know?

Wrybread · 24/02/2019 08:41

Your DH reaction says that he's not repentent. He's wanting you to setup it all under the carpet etc, and isn't worried about what you feel or that he caused it.

OW wouldn't make up something that's worse than your DH version. Most affair partners lie and minimise, so that might not even be all that happened. Chances are very good that they were at least flirting for a while before that night.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 24/02/2019 08:41

Well, she might be. It's just as likely as your DH lying, especially as she's clearly done it again.

Why would the OW lie and say it was more than it was. She may be lying and in fact it is more than either of them are admitting. But why would anyone make it seem more than it was?

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 24/02/2019 08:45

It sounds like she has been more honest than your husband has-why would you make something extra up when confessing? If the one kiss on the way home was true, why would she make up a bit more?

dworky · 24/02/2019 08:50

freaking out that this bloke is going to tell me things that happened between his wife and my DH that I've been blissfully unaware of

You've answered your own question

SpanielEars070 · 24/02/2019 09:01

They're both liars OP. You already know that.

It's just a case of which one of them was better at it, isn't it?

AfterSchoolWorry · 24/02/2019 09:04

They always say it's just a kiss. Always.

LaughingCow99 · 24/02/2019 09:07

What's the worst that can happen? You find out the truth? Better than living in fear.

NotTheFordType · 24/02/2019 09:15

Did these two snogs happen at a works Xmas do, by chance?

Billben · 24/02/2019 09:17

He's now annoyed that things have been 'dredged up from a year ago'.

Oh, diddums 🙄

londonrach · 24/02/2019 09:19

Is the affair over op.

SoupDragon · 24/02/2019 09:19

Why would the OW lie and say it was more than it was.

There is also the scenario that the XH is lying. The only person who definitely isn't lying is the OP. I went onto say that it doesn't actually matter in a way as the OP needs to decide what she wants to do. The truth may be very difficult to get to and it is impossible for the DH to prove that he isn't lying (if he isn't). If the trust is gone, it's gone regardless of what happened.

Billben · 24/02/2019 09:19

You should never have contacted him, that was selfish.

I’m guessing you’ve never been cheated on🙄

mama1980 · 24/02/2019 09:20

I think the fact you immediately thought, 'he'll tell me about things I didn't know' speaks volumes.
Without trust there can be no relationship, you know this.

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