OW's DH has just contacted me almost one year later...

[NameChaChaChange]

My DH kissed an ex colleague after a few weeks of flirting, messaging and work night outs almost one year ago..

Shortly after I discovered what had happened, I messaged the OW's DH essentially asking him how he was coping, if he was okay - I basically was hoping to gleam more info from him that my DH perhaps hadn't parted with, but his wife may have.

Anyway! The man never got back to me, but this evening, 10 and a half months later, he has...

He's sent me a friend request and asked me how I'm doing and that he should have asked a long time ago:..

I'm now wide awake freaking out that this bloke is going to tell me things that happened between his wife and my DH that I've been blissfully unaware of for the last year.

Why contact me now?????

Interesting...

The OW's DH has now blocked me on Facebook... despite it having been him that sent the friend request, him that wanted to talk after 10 months, him that was willing to share his story of what his wife had told him, him that was constantly telling me I should try and make it work with my DH....

Weird.

Why don’t you just get rid. He sounds like a right dickhead.

OP, have you not considered a burner phone? It's not that people want to believe that he's not still seeing/craving to be with the OW but he is not a truthful man and has treated you like shit ever since discovery.

Posters here have told you what remorse, profound regret looks like. You don't want to think that he doesn't care because it hurts. I get that.

I think he'll carry on lying to you... and you'll carry on lying to yourself. Until he decides that he wants out and he'll be gone. In the meantime, you won't be privy to those plans.

I wish you the best. I don't care about him. I know you do, it's tough. Please try to put yourself in the position of your own best friend, as wanky as that sounds. What would you advise them?

I don't know why you're so focused on OW's husband. I read your posts about him and wondered why you were so believing. You have no idea who you were 'talking to'. They may well be still together, that may have been the OW finding out what your plans were.

I cringed when you said you'd asked OW to talk to you. If I were OW, I wouldn't have entertained the notion.

I think you should stop giving their marriage so much headspace and concentrate on your own, whether that's to stay in it - or not. If it were me, I'd be planning to get out. That 'next time' comment would have done it for me if nothing else had.

I really hope you have some RL support OP because I think you need it. Your husband is not your friend, nor any semblance of a friend.

The OW husband might not have blocked you. The OW could have access to his FB

Yup OW accessed his FB and blocked you

I think you're desperately clinging onto the affair and the apparent fact that it's over in order to avoid facing up to the real issue which is that's he's abusing you and probably has been for years.

Sounds like either he's had a change of heart after possibly contacting you in the heat of the moment and is regretting it and has decided to draw a line under it or the OW has been spinning him a fresh load of lies...

Sorry it appears you've been dicked about by everyone involved in this

Sorru that should say 'attempt to draw a line under it'.

I'm not saying he's still having an affair but...

People in affairs take days of to see the OW/OM

They also meet up with them at lunchtime

I've known a man drive his wife to work and pick her up. He watched her walk in.the building and wave goodbye...guess what? Her OM came to pick her up on some days, where she took leave, or half days...or for a lunchtime shag.

He swore blind she couldn't be having an affair when the OMs DW told him.. thinking she didn't have the time.

The fact is it someone wants to have an affair...they will find a way.

OP.... your H (not DH) is unremorseful. He is abusive and he doesn't respect you.

I suggest you work on yourself. Look after yourself. Exercise, socialise...build up a life outside of your marriage and look at support measures for yourself.

Get as much as possible about you and your life the way you want (minus him) and hopefully, you'll gain the mental and emotional strength to make a decision with confidence.

Refrain from asking him or talking about the OW. You won't get truth from him. You won't get remorse, because he doesn't want to face the consequences.

It doesn't look like there was a point he thought you'd leave him over this. His own sister said it probably went further and he could do it again. I think that should really tell you something about him.

Ignore what he wants, what do you want to happen ?

Your obsessed Op just stop!

I believe you when you say you just know they’re not seeing each other any more. I think it’s more probable he contacted her on WhatsApp to tell her to tell her husband to stop shit stirring because it has lit a fire between you two. The OWs DH is probably just agreeing to cut contact because she told him too. Someone who threatens to cheat on you again clearly thinks that’s an acceptable comment and it’s only a matter of time before he does it with someone else. What do you think is in your best interest OP?x

Your obsessed Op just stop!

Of course she's fucking 'obsessed'. Her husband has had an affair and is treating her like shit.

And it's you're.

Your obsessed Op just stop!

THIS

You're going down the path of madness. Your DH isn't trustworthy, you know this much. The precise details? Are they even worth knowing once you decide either way what you want to do about him? If you stay with him you're going to have to put it all aside anyway.

Obsession following a betrayal is very normal.

Regarding the OWDH, either OW convinced him to back off, or she went in and blocked you herself. Your DH has been in touch with her.

You are naive to think that they never exchanged numbers, or that he has no time to see her now. He was cheating with her for at least a month that you know of, and likely more, and they would have exchanged numbers. He could easily have a second phone. He could communicate on WhatsApp. He’s been sneaky on there for months, has lied to you about it, and likely contacted OW the other day when you went walking.

He may threaten to leave, and might actually leave for a while, to coerce you into dropping your investigation and attempts to analyze his behavior.

You are busying yourself with the DH, OW, OWDH saga to keep from effectively dealing with your toxic relationship.

Your husband was abusive way before OW came on the scene, and he will be abusive forevermore. You think that you can talk him into not being a cold, controlling, manipulative abuser. All you are doing is giving him more ammunition.

Another vote for "D"H has been in touch with OW kicking off...

Would you want to continue with the relationship if what he's said about the OW etc is true? So presuming they only kissed etc do you truly want to stay with him?

Because it sounds a bit like you're hoping there's something more to this so you have an excuse to leave.

If you feel that your marriage is beyond saving (and I wouldn't want to be with him either) then it's ok to just end it IYKWIM.

OP you are being played....

Forget about the OW, the Ow's husband think do you really want to be with this man for the rest of your life. Reading your story is like reading my own. I would still be with my STBXH if I hadn't found evidence of him cheating again. I am so glad I did. I am free from all the stress of wondering whether he was still cheating on me. If someone makes a mistake and shows genuine remorse I think sometimes it can work again however if they don't get rid. When you are in this type of relationship it is so hard to leave but I guarantee if you find the strength you will be fine. I look m

I don’t write on here often but I really feel for you OP. I’m 5 years post discovery and I accept now that I will never know all the facts. But where you are, 10 months in, I was still obsessed in finding out the truth. It wore me down mentally and physically (I gained a lot of weight comfort eating and drinking). DH (yes we are still together) is/was a sweep it under the rug type, would get annoyed, ask me to stop bringing up the past.
5 years down the line, I still get moments of pain (usually out of nowhere).
Time heals to some extent and I reached a point where I could see that me keeping on ‘picking the scab’ just wasn’t helping.
Sorry I can’t really give you any proper advice, just try and look after yourself

hello namechange, how are things?🌺