Dating Thread 148 - Having a Fab Time!

[TooOldForThis67]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

lifegoes exactly this. It's such a big part of who I am as well. I guess I knew what I needed to do though; I was just hoping it was his nervousness that was getting in the way.

@ItsAMiracle2015 I hate when you first talking to someone and they don't get it. So you use loads of emojis to try make them see its sarcasm.

Do you text and talk a lot between dates?

He sounds really keen and maybe he's just reading too much into what you are saying. Wonder what his previous relationship was like?

@Lompopo and @LIfegoes I've pm'd you!

lifegoes it's actually a little painful sometimes! I have been using excessive emojis whilst messaging him recently. We do message quite a bit inbetween dates (so 6 dates in 3 weeks) and we met quite quickly after initially chatting online (2 days later). On my first ever online date with MrCreep (ever so accurate name), we had messaged for over a week LOADS prior to meeting and oh wow was I disappointed.

If I'm honest I haven't asked about his ex. I know that she finished with him very suddenly, simply saying she didn't love him anymore. He had to move out of the house they bought together and back in with his parents. This was back in August.

Also falaff my OLD profile is extremely honest about what I'm expecting from a man and I get very few messages, apart from the random French ones, and the ones who are 30 years older than me. I also don't get a huge amount of responses to messages I send.

Thank you Marlboro MyOld sugaron Coco and TooOld for the encouragement and welcome! I didn’t let my nerves get the better of me and I’m glad I went thanks to your wise words!

I don’t think he’s for me, tried to get quite touchy and when he leant in for a kiss I gave him the cheek. What’s the etiquette on paying for drinks? He insisted on paying for the first so I ended up buying him a second to be equal even though by that point I was ready to leave

MyOld you’re spot on about keeping the fist meeting short. He was keen to go somewhere else afterwards so it was a bit awkward when my reply was where should I drop you off! Definitely going to make up another commitment that means I can’t stay for too long next time.

Hope everyone else is out having more luck!

MIA12 I normally take turns on paying for drinks (or at least offer to pay). My first 3 online dates were pretty terrible if I'm honest, which is why I try not to talk too much prior to meeting as then it's just extra disappointing.

My problem too is that I'm in this crap position where I'd really like a relationship but would also really just like a shag if I'm being completely honest. I like the idea of a FWB but I'd probably get the feels. I've suggested FWB to my date as it would sort us both out so to speak but he's declined. After basically saying that's what he wants. I'm super confused and think he's just messing with my head for the fun of it :/

@ItsAMiracle2015 I just wanted to check in case he maybe didn't understand your humour yet, if you hadn't been talking. But it seems you have been. With emojis also ha ha

Does he seem that he could be over sensitive about things, is he trying too hard?

You could say that he needs to relax, and understand you don't mean to be harsh it's just your sarcasm. If he's worried of losing you, being worried and over sensitive at this time, will push you away.

Either that or walk around with cut out emojis and add them to each real life conversation so he gets you 😂

Sorry you’ve had some rubbish ones too ItsAMiracle

I’ve been chatting to him sporadically for a couple of weeks so at least I wasn’t too invested, although do feel a bit flat now!

falaff he likely thinks you're just saying FWB but not actually meaning it? What did you initially say you wanted for him to say you're not on the same page?

lifegoes that made me laugh! He is definitely over sensitive. And then today he messaged me saying I'm the opposite of sensitive. And I was like.... right . The other day I was driving us to a pub for dinner, and he said "you're literally the shittest driver I'm ever seen", I really laughed and then he said "I'm so sorry" and I just sighed. I'll have a chat with him and go from there, as it does seem a shame as he ticks every other box apart from that!

lifegoes and he couldn't be trying any harder. Like actually any harder.

ItsAMiracle2015 you're probably right. I've messed up anyway so I'll just put it down to experience. I made a massive mistake of making assumptions and it's bitten me in the arse. Anyway I've left the ball in his court. Back to the drawing board.

@ItsAMiracle2015 he said sorry, sorry for making you laugh 👀 he really is just trying too hard I think.

As the driving comment shows me, he's quite witty but then worried you may be offended. He's just over thinking everything.

Have a chat, let me know how it goes. As he sounds like a good'un

Sorry ItsAMiracle2015 I didn't answer your question. He said he had autistic traits and he showed zero emotion in his texts. So I got scared because my autistic ex was never there for me and made me feel very lonely. I overegged being a sensitive person who needs emotional support and shamefully put him in the same box as my ex. I was just thinking he would be the same we wouldn't be on the same page. But when met in person and he was just bloody lovely. He was nothing how I expected him to be or how he made himself out to be.

So he said he doesn't think he can give me what I need in a relationship after what I said. I overstated it and I shouldn't have - I think I have the same emotional needs as anyone else and was just self sabotaging. I feel like an absolute twat. He wasn't offended and I apologised but I've put him right off. Serves me right eh.

falaff oh that is shit. I understand now. So it's not that he doesn't want a relationship, he just thinks he can't give you what you want in a relationship. I would say have you tried explaining it to him, exactly how you've explained it to me, but I think it would be really difficult to go back if you've asked for FWB and he's declined . As I said above, I am the Queen of self sabotage so I get it.

Trying to catch up with this fast moving thread! For all who have dates tonight - good luck & please update x

I have 2 possible FWB - I have a very strict criteria - over 6 ft tall, athletic - rugby build type, intelligent, no beards

Yeah I think I've just fucked up. I basically messaged him asking if he'd like to meet and he said he couldn't because we would end up in bed. Which is exactly what I want!! ARGH!!! I text back and asked what the issue was with that and he said 'because I don't think we'd work in a relationship'. I just wrote back and said I would be happy to just have fun and see where it goes, and that I think I've given him the wrong impression about me, and that the ball's in his court. I can't do anything else.

Really sad about this one because I've never felt that spark with someone so much on a first date. Couldn't take my eyes off him and we chatted like old mates.

YAY LIFE. Where's the cheesecake?!

I’m not sure what defines FB/FWB/relationship. I think the boundaries are quite blurred and depend on the people involved and what you’ve agreed.

For me, FB is literally just sex. A booty call, prearranged shags, no real communication beyond texts or calls arranging to get together for sex.

For me, FWB is sex with some dating and non sex time together. Meals, drinks, hanging out. But no real integration of each other’s lives. Not meeting friends or family, not being a part of each other’s lives in any menaingful way.

A relationship to me is FWB with the extra stuff I’ve mentioned above. Looking longer term and the bigger picture. Not necessarily moving in together or marriage and kids, but overlapping lives more.

I’m not sure I’m doing it right though as my FWB is so lovely I think I want more, but he doesn’t so I just have to relax and enjoy it for what it is. And it is lovely, but as soon as I get to the point where’s it’s NOT enough I need to switch it off so I don’t get too hurt.

comedy I love your criteria! I'm so strict on height! On my date with MrCreep he had said he was 6ft on his profile, he was maybe 5'9 at a push and I was so annoyed! Haha. And I'm only 5'3!

lifegoes I need a list on emojis on here. I've wanted to crying with laughter, shrugging shoulders and eyes covered and no idea how. It's annoying.

falaff I think I would just leave it on that. You never know you might get a response once he's had time to think about it, and if not it's all a learning curve. When was your date with him?

Sidge I agree with the comments above on that one. A FWB to me would essentially be an open relationship. All the bits of a relationship but without the exclusivity. Or maybe a FWB is the start of all relationships? A FB to me is something I don't talk to unless it's to do with sex.

The date was on Wednesday. He had bailed Monday for the reasons he said, but then we carried on chatting, and we said we'd give it another go and I tried to backtrack. The strange thing is that after we met we carried on talking and had more flirty talk and I we were both talking about frustrations etc. So I don't know what's now made him just completely bail. Bit of a mindfuck actually.

Anyway he might get back in touch and I'd meet up for just sex. He's a bloke afterall and we both know the other has been without it for a while and there's definitely a mutual attraction (I probably like him more though).

I think if it went beyond that I'd have to check myself and reevaluate as I can see me getting the feels. He's ridiculously attractive (amazing cheekbones) and has a lovely character. And he's a doctor.

Where's the goddam cheesecake?!

falaff no that's weird. Weird that he saw you on Wednesday and then agreed to see you on Monday after you had already said your over-exaggerated expectations from a man (normal expectations in fairness), for him to carry on messaging fine, and then cancel Monday. I'd be upset about that! Get some wine and cheesecake!

And I would definitely classify that as a mind fuck!