Dating Thread 148 - Having a Fab Time!

[TooOldForThis67]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Found you all! Well had my date with MrMystery (in the emergency services) and unfortunately just an inch taller than me. I think I had misread his height in messages thinking it was a joke plus he had written a whole different height on POF. Nice enough but no flirty chemistry, which was a shame. I'm glad I met him within a week of chatting as definitely helped not overinvest. Shame really as we got on well on messaging but nothing like meeting in person.

This was my first date in months so I'm just feeling like I've enjoyed the break too much and now my expectations are more. Not sure if that's a good thing!

What is it with old BF's coming back.

(Not my recent ex) But does anyone else find that once you are in a really good place and happy with your current single life.

Suddenly ex's from the past coming crawling back. Do they have a radar or something.

TooOld I know! I do respect him for that, far better than being stood up or ghosted. Just weird how they can be super keen, lots of “can’t wait to see you again” messages then ——- nothing!

My FWB situation is a bit strange, he made it clear that he wanted FWB type thing from the start (which I was happy to go along with) but I’ve never had a FWB thing before and I’m not sure if I’m doing it right 🤣

Re the self sabotage, I think it’s partly a self preservation thing. Switch it off before you get in too deep to avoid hurt.

sidge I am also looking for FWB but no idea if I am doing it right! What’s going on with yours?

@lifegoes always happens I call it boomerang I have a few that keep coming back they are FWBs so it suits me

@Focus2019 that's what these are looking for. One I don't mind as that's what he was The other I'm like noooo I'll pass thanks

Lok I have boomerangs too - don't mind with the FWBs, the ones I had one date with and thought 'nope' I'm not interested in!

I don't mind some. But it's the ones where you actually had a relationship with that annoy me coming back.

Just to say thank you all for the welcome. I'll read more thoroughly when home and respond.

I did have a funny story though of a guy I connected to on Guardian Soulmate before I went offline. He gave me his number and we messaged, then chatted on phone.
He was an actor, and proceeded to talk about himself for most of the conversation, didn't ask me one single thing about me. Then proceeded to launch into his drama school audition speech, from a Shakespeare play .
He talked over me and was very mansplainy.
Then proceeded to start crunching Maltesers whilst he was talking over the phone, then wanted to put me on hold for 10 minutes he went downstairs to eat cheesecake
Needless to say I messaged him the next day and said I didn't want to take it further.

OMG Deadsouls what a charmer he sounds. My friend's opinion of Guardian Soulmates was that you got more middle class weirdos, rather than a better calibre of men!

Deadsouls that is funny! With some of the weirdos out there, I wonder if they ever manage to get a date.

Lot of talk of FWB recently. Can anyone define what they mean by this? And the difference between FWB and f*buddy.?
I've been trying to explain to a friend and we both ended up getting confused.

MyOld I’m guessing everyone’s interpretation would be different. Mine would be FWB would be someone who you would see outside of being in bed and want to have some social aspect to your relationship - you may spend time messaging them and getting to know them more on a friend based level as well as the sex. FB to me would be someone you would for want of a better word booty call and that would be the extent of the relationship outside the bedroom.

Thanks Auba14 that's what I would've said. But my friend insists that my definition of FWB is what she would see as a relationship.
And that's where we ended up confusing each other.

Eesha good to hear you are back looking and that your expectations are high - there is no need to compromise, this is about you. I'm sorry this one didn't work out but there will be plenty more I'm sure.

So, Mr Chemist is now my very lovely FWB. Met on Wednesday night on Fab, drink and snogging Thursday night, day in bed with champagne and flowers yesterday. He is overly keen but makes me feel fantastic so I'm going with it for now.

I agree with Auba's definition of FWB. This new guy for instance is a FWB because he is a bit short and he is separated but not divorced, so not relationship material. And because I absolutely don't want a relationship anyway but do want a nice, clever, funny man to have sex with. I binned off one of my previous FWBs partly because I knew he could never be introduced to anyone I knew - he was just too offensive. So although I found him funny - and he was a brilliant lover - in the end he was a FB, and that just didn't sit well with me.

I don't differentiate between a FB and a FWB (a 'buddy' is a friend, is my reasoning). It's friendship, messaging, meetings sometimes with no sex, and good sex. With no expectation of any kind of relationship. If a FWB bought me flowers I would find that a bit odd, but we all obviously have different expectations!

I agree about the flowers Batshit and I told him immediately it was sweet but not really the done thing. If he can't rein in his 'romantic' nature (bleeuurgghh) this will probably not last long!

I suppose for me FWB is primarily a friend and FB is just a fuck.

Thanks everyone. I've just put myself on Fab (third attempt!) saying I want a FWB only where the friendship part was just as important.
I immediately got a message from someone who looks my type and sounds like he understands what I'm looking for.

I replied then quickly logged out because of the quantity of messages I was getting! I will be brave and look again later.

Deadsouls your Soulmates story made me laugh! I tried GS about a year ago but the men were just so pretentious and weird too. I'm middle class with a good degree but felt they would all look down their nose at me for not being poetic/political/agonised enough about the state of the universe. Jog on.

MyBrain sounds like you're having the same sort of experience with Fab that I had. Good approach and worth sticking with!

I have quite a few FB's - I literally meet up and have sex with no expectation of anything else.

An FB I saw recently thought we should go for a meal so we did, he is like a friend now so I guess he has moved to FWB although we rarely chat unless we are arranging a meet up but when we meet up we chat and I can ask him questions about what men really think and all about kinks that were discussed before.

I have another FB who feels like more but we don't do anything but chat and have sex, I am trying to move it to FWB and we are going out next month for a meal and stuff but ultimately it will end in sex.

For me an FWB is when you want the companionship/friendship plus sex but you don't want a relationship either at all or with that particular person.

For me I don't want a relationship full stop due to a recent marriage breakup that has left me with loads of issues and that would not be fair to put on anyone if they had a relationship with me.

As long as everyone involved understands the situation and they are happy then its all good.

I’m not seeing Mr SA until Thursday as he’s working a lot, he suggested going to a national trust place for a walk but also mentioned sex so I’m not sure what his intentions are. He has messaged me every day and it’s often him messaging first which is quite nice. I think I messed up with my other iron as I took almost 2 days to answer his message about meeting on Sunday and now he hasn’t replied so I guess I won’t be meeting him. I’m staying off the apps at the moment, I have plenty to keep me busy at home (gardening and decorating as well as getting my Campervan ready for the summer).

The FWB thing confuses me because if you go out and spend time with someone and have sex with them it kind of is a relationship? If you just meet up for shag and a natter then that’s different? If I’m sleeping with someone and spending time going out with them then I wouldn’t want them dating other people (feels wrong). I have had what I call ‘FWB’, there are people that just come over for sex and maybe a cup of coffee, we text occasionally but it’s mostly just about sex.

When I first started OLD I accidentally got a FB, lol. MrMechanic who was over 6ft, not quite ugly but had missing teeth and limited convo now I've described him, yuk! but we ended up having sex on the 1st date but I was no way interested in him long term and told him. When I was bored or inbetween 'normal' dates, we met for sex. We became friends so I guess that made him a FWB? I think if I wasn't looking for the relationship part I'd probably end up going thro all the men in this town! . I know if I found a nice FB/FWB I'd want more so I'm stuck. MrBE could easily become a FWB but ultimately that's not what I want as I'd fall for him and get hurt. Anyone else in the same boat?

I'm with you LoveMusic, if I was to just meet up with someone for sex ok but if I'm spending time with them too then it basically feels like some kind of relationship, and in that case I wouldn't want them seeing other people. (This is essentially what Mr NM wanted, along with cuddles, emotional intimacy, basically all the relationship benefits without the relationship - i should call him MrHaveHisCakeAnd really!). I really like the idea of having a FWB but I think I tend to get too emotionally involved, I am trying to turn my retrieved hot young Italian into one, as I don't really see him as relationship material, but I'm not sure he's going to go for it after I disappeared for more than a month!

I've just joined OkCupid this morning as someone pointed out it allows you to specify monogamy or not, have also given my profiles a bit of an edit on the suggestion of friends last night and it seems to be having a positive effect! ☺️

I think some people do want their cake and eat it, they want all the benefits of a relationship but they want to see other people, to me this isn’t FWB it’s a ‘open relationship’ and it isn’t for me. I’m hoping Mr SA isn’t one of these people who wants the best of both worlds, I get mixed messages from him but the fact he does suggest going places and doing things gives me hope that he’s looking for a relationship, he has even mentioned coming along with me to a festival in the summer (we shall see). I think I just need to be patient with him as he often works long hours but then he has a few weeks where he doesn’t work at all so at the moment he’s not around much.