Dating Thread 148 - Having a Fab Time!

[TooOldForThis67]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Lonelyman

This is difficult to call without knowing the conversation flow and the length of the messages and context.

In my experience, I like chatting to people where the conversation flows. So I don't notice the volume. If I'm not responding but I come back to my phone to lots of messages constantly it can be off putting. But that said if it's all part of one conversation I don't mind.

Also I class love bombing as some who moving too fast, feels fake in a short space of time, telling me what I want to hear to win me over.

It sounds as her heart wasn't in it.

I guess the only advice I can give is, if she doesn't reply to a question or first message don't respond until she does.

My friend gave me some great advice once on texting men - she said treat it as you would a normal friend.

Hope that helps.

I've booked our cinema tickets - the film is on at a tiny screen (5 rows) and I hate to be too close to the screen .... am hoping he doesn't read anything into the fact that we are on the back row in the corner .... 😂

Lonleyman I agree with life - if you're chatting away together it's fine. But if it dies back and I come back to my phone to find 50 messages I'd be a bit 😕

I've got this date with Mr G on Sunday

Everything is great via texting BUT remember how I told you he'd asked me 3 times how I would describe myself (all within flow of conversation) but I got annoyed I'd been asked 3 times

Well on Wednesday we confirmed the date and place for the date. Yesterday he said "so where we meeting and time" I almost blew my top. But kept calm and said we discussed this yesterday can you seriously not remember? He replied saying yeah I just wanted to confirm.

So I confirmed that we AGREED said time etc. He texts all the time which is lovely.

But I dislike the fact he "forgets" I refuse to put up with behaviour that I don't like this time around

Thoughts?

not cool Good point about the username. It just seemed to fit my situation... I'll take that on board, and maybe change it.

It seemed to be a normal sort of chat - exchanging details about each other etc. I hadn't realised she was working (she didn't say!) so I can understand how it might have come across. Lesson learned.

I'm thinking a couple of weeks away from the dating apps might be a good idea.

lifegoes I may be biased because I have spent 20 years doing all the wifework for a useless man but I would find that off-putting. If all you want is FWB then it's maybe less important but could you imagine a partner like that?

Is it forgetfulness or just being useless? You say you want pasta for dinner and he can't remember? Or you have to organise your social lives. I sent stbexh out with dd1 a week ago to buy a fountain pen for school. They bought an expensive one with pink ink cartridges. I had to go to three other shops to get the correct blue ink cartridges because of their fuckup. At the moment I would have low tolerance for a man with no memory or organisational skills.

@Lonleyman I think love bombing is more when declarations of love/ claiming to be soulmates/ nobody understands me like you blah blah blah tripe is spouted very early on in order to create the idea of a crazy whirlwind romance.
Are you saying that kind of thing?
If not I'd say you're maybe just coming across as a bit needy. I hated forced convos and being bombarded with messages which is one of the reasons I enjoyed chatting with my now BF. Convo flowed really well but there was never any pressure to message or reply, it was very natural
Maybe she's just found it too intense, or maybe she's chickened out and just using that as an excuse, nobody really knows.

Out of interest, what kind of content is in the messages you're sending? 14 in 48 hours doesn't sound too crazy but it would depend on length and content too I suppose

Stealth and Shitwith

I agree with you both. It's really annoyed me. I get you might be speaking to others but it's not that hard to remember the time and place you've arranged at least.

I was really looking forward to meeting him Sunday and now I can't be bothered with him. He's lovely in every other way but I don't like this

I'd tolerate some things but I won't tolerate bad manners and I see this as bad manners.

Do I go or not?

Stealth pink ink 🤦🏻‍♀️ it's funny but I really feel your pain there.

shitwith Thanks.

Wishy Difficult to quantify. it was just the normal "getting to know" you kind of messages - ages, likes, hobbies etc. Then a couple of whatsapp messages to send her pictures (nothing untoward! ) that sort of thing.

Off to find out how to change my username, and try to come up with something appropriate...

Lonely what was her responses to those messages. Was she asking you those back?
Was your messages a bombardment of questions?

All - I was lonleyman (iyswim) - hope this is better notcool!

Lifegoes responses seemed to be normal, I certainly didn't bombard her with questions. I'll put it behind me and chalk it up to experience.

@Lonleyman as lifegoes said it would completely depend on the context of the messages and whether it was a back and forth conversation. I would however, be slightly put off if I haven't replied to a message as I've been busy and then get more messages. I would almost always wait until someone replies to a message.

@lifegoes that would piss me off 🤷. But I think that has a lot to do with spending 11 years with a man who pretty much didn't listen to a single thing I said. I mean is he really that forgetful or is he messaging so many people he can't keep up? Also, are you seeing the other guy tonight?

Yes lifegoes you go!! This isn’t supposed to be your next big love. You are meeting other people to have fun and remind yourself there is life outside the ex. You might find him tedious and annoying when you meet but you won’t know unless you turn up.

Any other chats bubbling away?

life if it was me I would probably give him the benefit on the doubt and go-he may be lovely in real life.you can even joke about it when you meet in person and say that you weren’t sure about coming as weren’t sure why he was so forgetful-so that he realises if he wants you to entertain him he will have to up his game

Ended up having a long phone conversation and then some naughty messaging with my iron and sounds promising on that front...meeting for lunch and a walk later so may have to go in for a kiss.wish me luck.

And yes lifegoes I would still go 🤷. If that's the only thing putting you off then it's definitely worth meeting him.

Thanks all you are all right, I'll go it does no harm but I'll definitely be making a sarcastic joke about him forgetting. I already have by saying "let's see if you rem to turn up" *
*
Miracle no I called off my FB, I didn't want to travel to see him. I've put him off till next week, he's ok though he'll wait 😂

Notcool no just him at the moment. I had s few but they bored me. I'm in that frame of mind at the moment. If you don't fill me with excitement I'm walking. Still swiping away on the apps though. Did I see you have 3 dates this weekend? This is amazing, look how a week can change your feelings and outlook on things 👍🏻

Shitwith it's certainly put me off and I'm ready to see he's a pointless date. But happy to be proven wrong

Coco good luck, go for the kiss

life Forgetting where you’ve arranged to meet is strange and I was the one saying give him a chance when he’d asked you the same question three times. How can he forget a plan you’ve made to meet? Do you think you’ll still go?

I’ve got a date this evening. Not sure how much I fancy him but figured it’s good experience and practice at meeting people off the ‘net as I’m finding it nerve wracking. Think we are going to a bar, and I haven’t mentioned I don’t drink yet No idea what to wear!

lifegoes I'd still go and find out what he's like in person. But I understand why it's putting you off.

Coko good luck. Hope it goes well

BatshitCrazyWoman enjoy your cinema date

Good luck Coco and go for the kiss!

"let's see if you rem to turn up" life

Mia I'll go, I might use your approach of looking at as experience. I've only had one date since my ex so it will be good for me to go. Good luck with your date. What type of bar is it and what would you normally wear if you were meeting a friend there?

More weirdos of POF - exchanged a few messages with someone a couple of weeks ago. Then he disappeared.
Last night he came back to say he believes in honesty and loyalty and getting to know someone as a friend as well as a lover. I replied that he wasn't doing well getting to know me as he'd taken 2 weeks to reply to my message (asking about his work)

His reply "have you ever been hurt"
Followed by "would you be happy to tell me about what happened"

I was tempted to say I hurt my knees when I was 5 years old and still have a scar. But I told him to mind his own business.

Myold 👀👀👀👀

I really wish you had replied with the original message Hahahaha