Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dating Thread 148 - Having a Fab Time!

999 replies

TooOldForThis67 · 22/02/2019 08:59

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

OP posts:
Lovemusic33 · 28/02/2019 17:41

Thanks Too I need to keep reading the rules, I’m trying to play it cool, he held my hand when we were out which has to be a good sign 🤣

MarcMyWords · 28/02/2019 17:44

Sure @TooOldForThis67 but I had the definite impression she was looking for me to pop down to the barbers then take a selfie! Biscuit
Slightly easier to remove glasses than hair!

Auba14 · 28/02/2019 18:26

On the dating app discussion - I definitely believe Tinder is the best of the apps. I just feel like more people know about Tinder and therefore it’s more likely to have a larger pool of people on it. One of my friends at work is on Bumble and she does believe it has a better class of men on there, she said they’re a lot more polite and she’s really pleased there is information about marriage/children before swiping! Interestingly, my friend hasn’t been married/no children and is 37 and the amount of men who write her off because of this is scary! She’s also had so many men who have used her as a shoulder to cry in on first dates, usually about a divorce. I always enjoy her stories after a date.

shitwithsugaron · 28/02/2019 18:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sidge · 28/02/2019 18:39

I can’t keep up with everyone!

Re the apps, I found POF worst for sex pests and time wasters. I think also because anyone can message you I had literally HUNDREDS of messages, most just saying “hi”. And some that said “your a stunna” [sic] and “you look like a right goer” (WTF?!).

I liked Bumble best because guys actually put info on there - I found Tinder fine, but many guys were lazy and just put a pic up and didn’t write anything. I like to get an idea of the sort of guys I’m swiping on.

Mind you I did something I thought I’d never do and message a guy with no pic on POF - like MyOld I cheekily said oi you must be married or butt ugly, or maybe you’re just a silhouette in real life? We got chatting, he was charming and witty and clever and funny. We met, he’s definitely not married (just very private) and is now my FWB who I’m dangerously getting the feelz for.

MyOldBrainStoppedWorking · 28/02/2019 19:01

Sidge that's a great story about the no pic profile. I don't think mine will become a FWB. Probably just a friend.

Original poster
TooOldForThis67 · 28/02/2019 19:10

Sidge - sounds like you struck lucky there!

OP posts:
Sidge · 28/02/2019 19:31

I think I did TooOld, he’s just lovely. But I’m very aware he wants FWB which I’m happy to go along with for now, but I think there’ll come a point when it’s not enough for me. I’m a bit too soppy for FWB I think [cringe]

Sidge · 28/02/2019 19:32

To clarify he messaged me first originally, I wouldn’t normally reply when they don’t have a pic but I did with him. I can’t remember why! His message must have caught my attention lol.

leonasa · 28/02/2019 19:39

Sunshineandflipflops I have very little luck with Bumble either, I have no idea why, I get quite a lot of interest on other apps! I don't know where you are but I'm in London and I have a theory that perhaps in places where people live very busy lives, it's a bit tricky with the whole messaging in 24 hours thing and that's why they're not messaging me back.

Maybe I should try tinder again, I was on there very briefly and met a guy who initially seemed great but quickly took it to sexting and then totally forgot our date plans! 😆

I am doing alright on OKC actually and also Match kind of although the pickings are a little slim there 🤭 I had thought that people were a little more serious on Match about finding something but Mr NM who acted very much like a boyfriend for a month before revealing he NEVER wanted to be monogamous was on there.

Talking of whom, I've removed him from my WhatsApp chats because I was just yearning for him to text and am now re-reading my book about emotional unavailability which in some ways makes him even more attractive

Can't keep up with the thread, or my irons, TooOld definitely going to have to write a list!

Love, Sidge all sounds great! Mulie sorry to hear that, but well done for holding firm on your boundaries!

Focus2019 · 28/02/2019 20:07

Well I did something I've never done - I just stood up a date. We were mtg tonight he was in mtg so could not give me time he then called at 6:20 to say he can meet me now but he sounded drunk and not my type but he caught me unaware so I agreed to come meet him - I was in work. I then messaged to say my daughter was sick and had to come home so I couldn't meet him. I do feel bad but I didn't want to waste my time or his. He's not responded to my message

leonasa · 28/02/2019 20:32

So now I've got multiple date requests, but I've also got a last minute work trip which is going to take me from Saturday and all of next week till the Sunday! Which is great, it's an exciting trip and it comes at a good time I think to just get my head away from Mr NM, but I am a bit worried that in this fast moving dating world my irons will lose interest. How do I keep it going? I will be quite busy and also in a different time zone so I'll be able to text a bit but not as much. Or do I just check in closer to when I'm back and hope for the best?

Notcoolmum · 28/02/2019 20:37

That sounds exciting leonasa I’d tell the irons you are interested in that you are away so they expect less but know it’s nit a change in interest from you.

Have my date with Mr Teacher tomorrow. Looking forward to it. After being dumped the other weekend I went to see Mr S and we ended up rekindling but without an agreement on what that means. I can see I got too involved too fast and that his situation is entirely different from mine. So I’m open to other irons whilst I’m exploring how I feel now I understand where he’s at a bit more.

Original poster
TooOldForThis67 · 28/02/2019 20:45

leonasa - I agree with notcool .
notcool - As long as you are happy with that, that's all that matters. Enjoy it for what it is for now.

OP posts:
lifegoes · 28/02/2019 20:49

Just catching up.

Focus I wouldn't worry, I think it says a lot about him if he can't message back after you said that. (Regardless)

Notcool you get one life, do what makes you happy. Keep us updated on MR Teacher.

Focus2019 · 28/02/2019 21:10

@lifegoes yeah exactly I defo think he'd had a drink! Not for me.

Plus Mr Grey No2 who I hadn't heard from since Sunday after I said if he was dating others I'm not interested. I told him I would not message him again and he was to think about what he wants. He messaged to tell me he got his mortgage approved so we've been messaging about no reference to our messages - if I'm being given another chance with him I'm taking it I've really missed him and I need to stop self sabotaging - he will be in his own place in 4 weeks so thing would be better then. I'm still off the apps. My only other iron has started sending what he thinks are funny pics and videos but are not!! He said sorry but that's put me off so he's out too so other than mr Grey No2 who I'm not even sure if he's anything g again yet there's no-one!!

Focus2019 · 28/02/2019 21:11

@Lovemusic33 so happy to hear this sounds like it was a good day

Focus2019 · 28/02/2019 21:12

@leonasa if you can message while away a bit that should be fine I think you'll come across quite intriguing being overseas!!

lifegoes · 28/02/2019 21:16

Focus I wouldn't see that as YOU being given another chance. You made it clear what you wanted and told him to think about. I see that as him trying with you tbh. So you won 😉

I need to start messaging a few more I think Mr G I'm meeting on Sunday but he keeps asking the same questions. It's infuriating me today.

And final the ex's friend Mr Controlwannabe has got the hint and not text me for 48 hours. After ignoring him for 72 hours.

Focus2019 · 28/02/2019 21:40

Thank you @lifegoes I hope so Grin

It's always better to have a choice of guys to message they come and go so quick!!!

leonasa · 28/02/2019 22:04

Thanks all!

Focus I agree with Lifegoes, you didn't do anything wrong, you were right to tell him what you want and he needs to step up to that if he wants you now. Don't let the feeling you might have messed up (which you didn't) leading you into accepting anything less from him than what you've asked for.

shitwithsugaron · 01/03/2019 08:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lonleyman · 01/03/2019 09:00

All, when would you say messaging becomes lovebombing?

I got chatting on here to a non list member (honest! Smile ), as she had posted she might be interested in a FWB type situation. I sent her precisely 14 messages in 48 hours (two were duplicates Blush, she sent me 7), including some pictures on Whatsapp, only to have her tell me she "found the amount of messages (I'm) sending too much" Sad

I'm worried I may be trying to hard as desperation is setting in Sad

BatshitCrazyWoman · 01/03/2019 09:10

Oooh meeting the friends shit - moving forward!! I have no advice, as I'd be nervous too!

Notcoolmum · 01/03/2019 09:12

Aw have a lovely weekend shitwithsugaron I’m sure his friends will love you. And he is clearly very keen to want them to meet you and to stay the weekend. You are keeping my OLD dreams afloat.

lonelyman I have to say you do come across as a little desperate, starting with your user name. Best advice is to match the other person’s efforts in communication. Certainly at the start. Remember the rules. It’s not real and be careful of overinvesting. And presumably she will read what you posted here?

I hope everyone has great dates this weekend. I have dates Friday, Sunday and Thursday!