Dating Thread 148 - Having a Fab Time!

[TooOldForThis67]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Thanks for the input on putting that on my profile. I’ll have to try to weed them out another way.

TooOld not a complete waste of time if you got on well and could see a friendship there. Coming back to give you a kiss on the cheek was very sweet.

MIA12 - Yeah, it was. He sent a msg to say 'You're lovely x'. I've had to send one back saying sorry but it's just friends for me. I hate this bit of dating.

I don't like that part either TooOld 😕

Mr Sailor and I have a date on Saturday - the cinema then something to eat. He's a very slow burn and I'm not sure how I feel about that ...

Hi, can I ask which sites you all have the most luck with?

I joined Match when I first dipped my toe into OLD last year and was on that for 6 months - went on dates with 4 guys, 2 lasted a few weeks each. I find it's expensive though, even if you tie yourself in for 6 months. I tried tinder and bumble also briefly but didn't really like them and had a break completely from OLD for a couple of months. I have now gone back onto Bumble but have only had 2 matches, one of which didn't reply and the other didn't sound particularly bothered so I didn't reply to him after the first message. I have also set up a profile (but not subscribed) to Guardian Soulmates but hardly anyone within 30 miles of me who I'd be interested in.
Maybe my Bumble profile is just crap? I'm no supermodel but I don't think I look too bad for 40 so what am I doing wrong to only get 2 matches?! I don't swipe right on loads of men to be fair as I am quite picky and don't want to waste anyone's time but I have right swiped a fair few. HELP!!

sunshine I've only ever used pof so can't compare it with any others so maybe give that a go. The good thing is you can hide your profile if you need a little break

Oh, I did try pof very briefly too last year but was overwhelmed by the amount of messages I was getting (not in a good way - all weirdo's!)

batshit slow is a complete new ball game to me too!

Plenty of weirdo's! But a few possibilities out there. I can't compare any as I still am using my old nokia from last century so no apps for me! I expect everyone is pretty much on all anyway

Auba that's just lovely it turned out so well. You sound so happy.

@Sunshineandflipflops I use tinder and bumble. Both free and find bumble is better than tinder

Bats maybe use the back row of the cinema, and give his popcorn a squeeze

@lifegoes If Bumble is better than Tinder then I won't bother with Tinder! This is my problem...I find OLD crushes my self esteem more than just being single and not looking.

Sunshine I like Tinder better than Bumble. But that's just because my choice is so limited on Bumble. It is becoming more popular but for now I'm sticking to Tinder. More men on there.

Talking of Tinder - particularly those profiles with no photo. I've had no matches in a couple of weeks so I thought I'd swipe right on one. Got a match. Sent him a cheeky message saying he must be married or ugly. I expected no reply or just someone after sex chat. Instead I got chatting to someone who seems quite normal and nice but very shy. I have a photo of him now and he's probably not my type but we've agreed to meet for a drink sometime, just as friends.

@Sunshineandflipflops I would use both. Maybe depending on area you get more on one than the other.

No harm using both.

Hope Love is having a wonderful day with Mr SA

I’m feeling pretty shit. Just ended things with my guy after a couple of months of exclusivity. I really like him but I think my self esteem would have taken a battering if we had kept things going as they were. So sad but also a little impressed that I may be developing healthy boundaries at last.

I won’t be jumping back on the apps until I have processed what went wrong. So will be living vicariously through you lot for a while

Oh no Mulie why?
Sunshine-I was told tinder more for just sex so guess it depends what you want
Too old- even the name mr teeth would put me off 😂

👋 to everybody on the thread and thank you so much for all your advice. I could see myself being intimate with him and as definitely attracted to his personality,moral code,sense of humour,intelligence, everything so perhaps I’m just overthinking things...and yes perhaps if we dtd at some point and were compatible at that point I could see myself falling for him. Want to answer everybody but thread moves so fast! So just a few points:
mia unfortunately don’t think there’s a magic formula for weeding out the ghosters but agree with others that wouldn’t mention on profile - think it would have more of a negative affect than positive one
auba I would have suggested nice notebook and pen-glad it’s going well!
love hope mr SA turned up
tooold I get on with everyone so could easily collect ‘friends’ when what I ultimately want is a LTR.
Good luck to all x

ccgirr Tinder isn't just for sex. There are a lot of people on there looking for a relationship.
If anything I've found more sex pests on POF

Myold- oh really. I was too scared to join 😂

@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking also from my (male) perspective POF is really annoying as 90% of the messages are catfishing.

Several occasions you're having a conversation with an apparently normal person and then you get a really weird comment, like, "can you send me a photo of you with a different haircut?" WTF?

ccgirr I agree with myold definitely more sex pests on POF. I was told Tinder was mainly for hook ups too, mainly by people who had never done OLD in their lives It’s really not. It’s just a dating site like all the others with a mixture of people looking for different things.

My guy is lovely, sexy and intelligent but unfortunately circumstances meant that we had settled very much into seeing each other a couple of nights a week, sex stay over, go home in the morning. He said a few things in jest that had me questioning and with a blip at the beginning where he updated his profile on POF after instigating exclusivity (he explained that the sites had become a way of life and that he had found an old profile and thinking it was better than his current one he absent mindedly copied and pasted it before he realised what he was doing..) I did try and raise the issues I had with him but he shut me down by basically telling me to enjoy the moment and stop worrying about what ifs. I know I am guilty of overthinking but at the same time I think I deserve to be heard. So I will miss him massively but head over heart.

Mr SA eventually turned up, had a great day in bed and lunch out, lots of talking. I still haven’t had the talk with him but the way he acts and talks makes me think we are in a relationship, we have made plans for our next 2 dates and talked about quite personal things, he’s very open like me, not sure if that’s a good thing but it feels pretty relaxed. Hes really easy to talk too but sometimes talks too much 🤣. I am slightly smitten but still trying not to over invest. I do have a big smile on my face as things seem to be going pretty well.

Applause to you Mulie for analysing the situation so clearly and making a well-judged call. From your description it was the 'absent-minded updating of POF profile' and the shutting down that would have had me calling time for sure. Sorry it hurts though

Aww, Mulie, that happens all to often. Guy wanting exclusivity but acting shifty. You did the right thing.
Marc - Lol. I once asked a guy to send a pic without his specs as they were the 'milk bottle' type and made his eyes look bulging. He was Italian and we got on great over messaging. He sent a pic without specs and his eyes were still bulging! So, I kinda get it, asking for a specific pic..

Great update Love. We all had our fingers crossed. Take a deep breath and read the rules, lol. I get why you didn't ask, sometimes you just don't need to.