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Original poster

Dating Thread 148 - Having a Fab Time!

999 replies

TooOldForThis67 · 22/02/2019 08:59

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

OP posts:
falaff · 27/02/2019 18:48

The last contact was the weekend when we had the exchange where he said we wouldn't work in a relationship. I said I would be happy to have some fun and he didn't reply to that. I'm pretty sure that the answer here is to not text him and just move on. I'm just really sad about it probably because it was my own doing. Closure and understanding things is quite important tome otherwise I ruminate. So I understand that this is probably my problem. I just don't get why he was asking me intimate stuff after the date where he friend zoned me. I know too that autistic people can just block stuff temporarily so I don't know if he's completely bailed. Urgh. I am completely overinvested!

lifegoes · 27/02/2019 18:50

Tooold it's the blatant cheek of him that gets me there. Like not only is he cheating, but he thinks it's absolutely ok to ask you to join in to a threesome. Behind his wife's back.

So he's not learnt by anything that happened with you both.

What you going to do?

lifegoes · 27/02/2019 18:54

I do get the @falaff I'm exactly the same I have to have closure. I didn't get it with my ex and it killed me. Also the only ex I've really fallen out with 👀.

But sending the text I'll ask you a few honesty questions

What are you really wanting from the text - a Chance for you to discuss things?

A final goodbye - if so do you need the text to say goodbye?

Often we send nice bye texts in hope they'll stop us from going. But the reality is the bye was already there.

Why don't you type it out in your notes. Don't send.

Wait till Sunday morning, if if still matters then and the text sounds fine. Send it.

falaff · 27/02/2019 18:55

Good idea. I said the ball's in his court so I'm obviously just hanging onto it. He was just so lovely and the sort of person you only really meet once so I'm reluctant to chuck it. Think it's already chucked though!

MIA12 · 27/02/2019 19:01

TooOld I would absolutely tell his wife, from the POV that if I was the wife I’d want to know.

leonasa · 27/02/2019 19:17

Does she know about the original affair TooOld?

shitwithsugaron · 27/02/2019 19:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lovemusic33 · 27/02/2019 19:34

TooOld I have a old friend who was just like the MM you describe, I did stupidly sleep with him knowing he was married (we have a lot of history before that), he would tell me stories of the other women he was seeing behind his wife’s back, they did eventually split but his wife never knew what he was up too even though everyone else did. Some men just can keep their dicks in their pants and don’t give a toss about their wives or kids,

ItsAMiracle2015 · 27/02/2019 19:36

@lifegoes no reason to not see ex on Friday but I worry you then won't go into date on Sunday open minded? Haha not that I really know you or anything.

@falaff I personally wouldn't send any message but I also wouldn't block (I'm too nosy for that). I would try to put it down as experience and move past it 😊.

So met up with MrBaker last night for dinner. He is apparently not shagging anyone else 👍. However, I'm still not 100% sure about him as he just over thinks everything and seems so nervous (that was date 7 I think). However, I'm not sure if it's because my ex was a narcissist and never got nervous. Mainly because I don't think he ever gave a shit about me. I'm still going to go away with MrB this weekend and I'm hoping it'll give me some clarity 🤞.

Original poster
TooOldForThis67 · 27/02/2019 19:48

ItsAMiracle - Your MrB sounds sweet. I like a bit of nerves, shows they care what you think. But after 7 dates you'd think he'd get over it. A dirty w/e away should sort it!

MrMM is very serious. They need someone they can trust!
He couldn't even get it up without viagra this is me being a bitch here, I was very understanding when together. I now feel like the whole thing was a sham and he just used me to get a bit of experience. The sad thing is that this 'other' woman is his running buddy who is half his age!!
Think I might do a bit of digging so I have enough 'evidence' if I do decide to tell his wife.

OP posts:
Original poster
TooOldForThis67 · 27/02/2019 20:11

leonassa - No, I don't think she does. I threatened to tell her ages ago. Trouble is I don't hate him. I pity him.

OP posts:
Spin66 · 27/02/2019 20:21

Before anyone shoots me down on this.

I am a bit flabbergasted at ‘Too olds’ post at admitting to an affair with a MM, but “being really feel like letting his wife know. I used to feel sorry for him. She was the first women he'd slept with and they haven't had sex for years yeah, that old line.
I can not believe this man! I'm long over him, it's not that. I feel disgusted and insulted that he would actually ask me. Someone that he supposedly loved probably didn't, ever!. God I'm so mad.

So you feel disgusted ‘now’ about his apparent infidelity and his request to involve you, but at the time you feel you where having an affair (sexual or not) you didn’t?

What is your plan? Tell his wife of what you had with him 2 years ago and his recent proposition, or just about the recent proposition?

Is that not double standards?

I used to be on this thread several years ago - so if anyone wants to check me out feel free to do so!

I understand that it’s all about being more ‘open’ than a lot of the relationship board- but really? Hmm

Original poster
TooOldForThis67 · 27/02/2019 20:29

Spin66 - I am talking amongst friends, who don't judge me. So butt out thanks.

OP posts:
lifegoes · 27/02/2019 20:37

Ha miracle I feel like you do know me. As that's it's exactly my issue with my date if I go to other on Friday night

Tooold do what you think is right. But I'd be seriously pissed off trying to keep calm whilst I gathered my evidence

SortingItOut · 27/02/2019 20:42

Spin66

We all do stuff which we regret after the event, as Too Old says we are not here to judge each other and this has always been a very open thread.

If you've got nothing nice to say don't say anything.

I cant believe you came back just to moan about TooOld, if you are going to post, then post something helpful.

leonasa · 27/02/2019 20:43

TooOld I guess it's also a question of whether you want to reveal it all now as it would be very difficult to just reveal this without getting into the whole thing.

It's a very tricky one, I would be very tempted to tell her too and she does deserve to know, but it obviously would be quite an explosive situation and she may also not believe you about everything if you do tell her about your affair.

No judgment from me at all, I also had an affair with a MM once, which I felt absolutely terrible about, not to excuse it at all but for me it was a one off whereas it was a way of life for him, as it turned out. I completely understand the urge to reveal all and only you know what the right thing to do is, but I would just say think about it calmly and don't do anything in the heat of the moment!

lifegoes · 27/02/2019 20:45

I don't even know who you are @Spin66

But i judge people on how I see them and @TooOld has been nothing but amazing and supportive on this page. So therefore will always get my support and advice.

Spin66 · 27/02/2019 20:49

Tooold- it’s a forum and I am allowed my input, so “butting out” is my choice.

It’s amazing how you’ve suddenly discovered some morals, now that you feel aggrieved!

If you pity him that much (as you say) stop having contact with the arsehole!

user1466783975 · 27/02/2019 20:51

Hope you're ok too Old. We are here for you x

So,i seem to be in a relationship with someone I've known a week. Mr is it an acorn? It's all going well and today we went shopping,lots of holding hands and being tactile. He bought me flowers :)
Five dates in and yet to dtd. He said yesterday he had told his TWO fwb's that he has met me so can't see them anymore and one isn't happy.
So now i'm thinking,if he is sexually active and is obviously getting it up,why wasn't he hard at the weekend.
I just wish we could hurry up and get the sex out the way as it's making me anxious

SortingItOut · 27/02/2019 20:53

leonasa I'm the same as CassettesAreCool, I can separate emotion from sex, I have some FB's, the ones which have lasted the longest are the ones I have the greatest connection with.

I split from my husband in April and have been enjoying the delights of other guys since August, at the moment I never want a relationship ever again as my marriage has put me off men for life. I have been so surprised at how well its gone and how I haven't developed any feelings for anyone.

I joke that my heart is made of stone now.

My longest FB is 6 months and its him I do non-vanilla stuff with as we have built up a lot of trust so maybe if you found a good FB/FWB then you would learn to trust them?

Lovemusic33 · 27/02/2019 20:55

Spin we all make mistakes and to be fair he was the one who was cheating, if it wasn’t with her it would have been with someone else. I have stupidly slept with 2 married men, both gave me the whole “we don’t sleep together anymore, only together for the kids” talk.

TooOld I don’t think I would bother telling the wife, it will just stir up more shit, I would just stay away and tell him not to talk to you again. He will slip up at some point, his wife might already know he sleeps around.

Original poster
TooOldForThis67 · 27/02/2019 20:58

user Is this MrGardenGate?

OP posts:
user1466783975 · 27/02/2019 20:59

TooOld, the wife may even be doing the same? I would leave it

user1466783975 · 27/02/2019 21:00

Yes,that's the one. Much older guy

lifegoes · 27/02/2019 21:05

Oh user but this is good news as it means when it grows it hits the spot well. 😉😉

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