Dating Thread 148 - Having a Fab Time!

[TooOldForThis67]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Bats thanks. Specific messages is a good point. I keep forgetting about that.

leonasa Shame we can't date the thread..

Lonely I agree with Batshit about grammatically correct messages that show personality and an ability to relate to the profile I wrote. Also, your photos should be right. I would avoid any obviously rude ones unless asked - personally I want to see the person not the penis. A nicely taken smiley face photo and perhaps a full length but clothed one too. Choose to message women who are around your own level of attractiveness and age. And I would definitely go to one of the clubs or meetings (there is a part of the site which tells you where they are) as it will allow people to see you as a whole person not just another message. Also, if you have never met up with anyone, you wont have any verifications, which will instantly rule you out of a lot of women's searches.

dancing Thanks. You are all so very helpful!

Fab profile adjusted. x-rated photo now for friends only

Remix seems to be the only club near, and they only have "parties" once a month, and, of course, I missed the most recent, so I have to wait for the next one.

Lonely have you had a look at the parties as well as the club nights? People seem to quite often hold private parties, and you could see if you could go to one. Get on the chat board and ask. Also, don't be embarrassed about having put the picture up at all, it is completely the done thing among the men, I just don't think they realise it is not really doing the any favours. If you would like me to have a look at your profile I am happy to give you pointers.

dancing I'll pm you, if that's ok..

Of course Lonely

@leonasa exactly the trust thing.

BatshitCrazyWoman I don't know if it's romantic feelings or just the trust that Leonasa describes. And I haven't experienced the trust without being romantically involved. So I guess I'll just have to give it a go if the opportunity arises and see what I think.

Iron no 3 who is MrWelsh may well fit the bill- we had a minor thing a few years ago, just a handful of dates and 1 disastrous attempt at dtd, and have sort of kept in touch. He properly made contact again a few weeks ago and we are meeting up on Saturday for a coffee and a chinwag. He ticks many boxes- but I have a nagging feeling that he might be a bit Machiavellian. I can absolutely have that conversation with him though so guess what's top of the list for Saturday

I do have an issue with FWB it's def my side

I struggle to sleep with someone I don't really know or have any mental connection with. So a FB is out the question.

FWB, I love the idea of, but In reality the min we become friends and sex. I start to want the full thing. But also I don't want to move in with them and have that life.

But I certainly wouldn't be looking for anyone else and I'd hate if my FWB did. But then that's the point of FWB.

So it scares me getting a FWB. I always thought that was just me.

(This why I worry about seeing an ex ex on Friday for fun as I know I'll get attached again)

Definitely not just you lifegoes, it scares me too! I am really quite jealous of those who can handle it, as in theory I totally see the advantages.

Don't be jealous leo - the only reason I can handle/crave FWB is because I've had to accept that I don't particularly associate sex with feelings other than pleasure ie I'm a nasty old cynic, and even twinges of jealousy that my FWBs are seeing others don't last as I just see it as lifting any pressure off me. Part of me wishes I still believed in love.

Leonasa I love to be like you cassettes

I fall so quickly for wrong men they show me the attention, love and make me feel so wanted. I'm fallen. Then they turn out to be lying cheating pricks

So I'd love to be like that, just no fucks given. I admire you for it.

I suppose I get the love and attention I need from my children, dogs and parents, and from myself. For me that's not what men are for. Which is sad isn't it? Not sure I would recommend it or accept admiration for it.

tooold good to have you back. Did you hear anything from Mr BE?

lifegoes having sex with the ex ex is totally separate from having a date with Mr G. No need to feel guilty or confuse the 2.

Could the ex be a fwb?

Cassettes See I get that, I get what you are saying. As isn't that the right way? We should love ourselves enough to not need it from others?

I often think I'm loving for someone to replace what I should give myself

Even via a rabbit and plenty of batteries 😂😂

@Notcoolmum he would be a FB. I couldn't confuse any emotion with him. He always has my back and is amazing. But we can't be together as we argue too much. So it would be FB

It's def not bad if I sleep with him and then go on my date 2 days later

Lonleyman sorry to hear about you being ghosted. It happens to all of us. Just remember it's them not you.

I've tried Fab a couple of times now and run away scared! I was just overwhelmed by the number of messages. Most hadn't read my request for a face pic and just sent a dick pic. Most were miles away and just seemed desperate.
I responded to a couple who were polite, mentioned something in my profile, had a good photo of themselves with clothes on and weren't pushy about meeting or even expecting a reply. That's what made then stand out from the crowd for me.

lifegoes definitely not bad. You have no commitment to either. You are not in a relationship and are free to choice to have sex with who you want, when you want.

Haha I love your attitude @Notcoolmum 😘😘😘

life a hundred times yes to loving yourself with 100% commitment, however you choose to do that - rabbit, chocolate, long baths, only hanging out with people who make you happy, etc etc. Not sure how an ex who is 'amazing' can be a FB - I don't think even I am hard-hearted enough to do that! - but no-one gets to judge you for what you choose to do, who you have sex with and when.

Hahaha cassettes when I say amazing I mean as on paper he's absolutely not in reality but the sex was good and tbh held us together as we have very different opinions on life and relationships. But the sex 👌🏻👌🏻 and he says that's what brings him back.

But I know as we've had emotional connection I just couldn't switch on and off and that's what he'll want.

To be honest life it sounds risky seeing this ex - he's an ex for a good reason and it may mess with your real peace of mind just for the sake of 'fun'.

At first I was like yeah no bother. Now I'm like ohhhh no, don't do this. You know what will happen.

Plus I've just got over my recent ex. I do not need another ex in my life

Need a bit of help here guys. I feel really confused about my date gone wrong, if yoy remember, the guy who is slightly autistic and I scared off with my sensitivity. He suggested friends and then when I suggested an activity he said he couldn't because we'd go further and we wouldn't work in a relationship. Sounds weird but I can't stop thinking about him and how this all panned out and how I fucked up. I'm not good with rejection and I've had mixed messages.

I wanted to send him final message so that I could block and delete. Something along the lines of me wanting some closure and confirming that he doesn't want friendship or anything. Is that the worst idea ever? I honestly need some closure and understanding because I liked him so much and fucked up. But I don't know if that's me being weird.

How long has it been @falaff since you spoke to him. I rem this well, but not sure How much contact you've had since.

You lot are not going to believe this. Don't want to drip feed so here is a bit of background-

Around 2 yrs ago I had an affair with a MM. I left my STBX before anything physical happened, not just because of MM as there were lots of issues. Split was amicable. MM stayed with his wife. I eventually got fed up and finished it about 9 mths later. I couldn't handle the deceit and the fact that he couldn't make his mind up what he wanted. After a period of NC we started chatting again as we always got on great (we used to work together). Sometimes we'd reminisce but I've always made it clear that nothing would ever happen between us again.
Today he's asked if I'd join in a 3some with his new girl!!!! WTAF.
I really feel like letting his wife know. I used to feel sorry for him. She was the first women he'd slept with and they haven't had sex for years yeah, that old line.
I can not believe this man! I'm long over him, it's not that. I feel disgusted and insulted that he would actually ask me. Someone that he supposedly loved probably didn't, ever!. God I'm so mad.