Dating Thread 148 - Having a Fab Time!

[TooOldForThis67]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Yes you’re right supercali and I must need to give my head a wobble. Just not normally in my nature to be unkind. Sorry to hear about your friend too, that’s awful.

myold It's amazing how some men suddenly find the time if you say you won't tolerate piffing about

mia I think it's just in a lot of our natures. We aren't unkind by nature but when someone treats you shabbily they need to know. If it helps....consider he may actually think about what he's done and spare some other poor woman the misfortune of it

Off to meet MrBaker and shall be asking him if he's shagging anyone else. Fingers crossed he's not 🤞😂😂.

@lifegoes I'm excited about Sunday for you!! Everything crossed.

Not had a chance to read all the posts but I'll read through them later 😊.

supercali77 MIA12 his time is limited because of one of his children. So, knowing the full story, I have some sympathy. He has very little free time because of them but is trying to change this in the future.
However, I'm being cautious and just going along on Friday because I enjoyed his company.

@ItsAMiracle2015 good luck. Let us know how it goes.

I know, I'm nervous first "proper" date from OLD and first date since psycho ex

@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking had a situation like that myself last year. The guy was keen on exclusivity but had limited dating time, or would make plans and flake. It was so frigging annoying that after a couple of weeks I said that it wasn’t working for me (nicely). I also found out that he’d been seeing other people during that tome, even though he’d bought up exclusivity. So I’m a little bit wary when people flake now. I’m always open with people about whether I’m multiple dating and if someone isn’t open back then it’s a deal breaker anyway. Hopefully he was just testing the boundaries slightly.

@MIA12 I agree with @supercali77 that it’s difficult to be forthright when you’re kind by nature, but I think there are ways of saying things without being a knob about it.

I’m feeling a bit guarded at the minute for a few different reasons, but I’m really happy to just take things slowly (I always want to do that emotionally and I’m not ever in a rush to define anything, etc etc) - I made the mistake after my marriage ended of getting swept up in chemistry with someone and ended up in a relationship that wasn’t healthy. Too soon. So the more that I’ve dated, the more that I’ve figured out what I like and don’t like, what I actually want etc.

Also, I think it’s good to constantly remind myself that it takes us time to get to know people intrinsically, and to know how to care for them and for them to know how to care for us. I still make mistakes all the time but I make a real effort now to move slowly and cautiously, slipped up recently but we’re managing to pull it back to friends. The ‘chemistry’ thing is hard to ignore but actually this slow burner is really nice. He’s consistent, open etc. So I’m just enjoying it for how it is right now :)

Sorry @MyOldBrainStoppedWorking, didn’t realise it was a kid issue. Saying that, if he genuinely doesn’t have time to date then he doesn’t have time. It only works if you’re super open from the beginning!

@WotcherHarry

I made the mistake after my marriage ended of getting swept up in chemistry with someone and ended up in a relationship that wasn’t healthy. Too soon. So the more that I’ve dated, the more that I’ve figured out what I like and don’t like, what I actually want etc.

I could have written these exact words!

Even just chatting with people online is helping me work this out! I posted a table in the last thread of my categories...it was a bit tongue in cheek but I've actually added to it and it is actually pretty accurate. I need someone compatible in all these areas:

Values
Intelligence
Humour
Physical attraction
Drive
Emotional stability

Not necessarily in that order though.

Wotcher I think it's a kid issue with some flakiness thrown in as well. What I don't know is whether it's nerves, worries about his children or he's going to always be like this.
I'll be asking for some clarity on Friday.

In fact, I don't think there is an order. They are all as important as each other.

wotcher my iron is fourteen years older too. In his early sixties. Never thought i'd date that old but i'm really starting to get the 'feels'. And fizzy knickers lol. Four dates in and not yet dtd. Usually I plough straight in but am doing it differently this time.

Hope all goes well with yours :)

Shit I want the moon on a stick don't I

@MehIAmKnackered those are totally the right kind of attributes to be looking for and also for us to demonstrate ourselves! :)

@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking I guess it’ll become clear in time!

@user1466783975 I usually prefer to go a little older (I’m 32), but I don’t feel weird about the age difference. I have tried dating a little younger, the furthest I’ve gone that way is 5 years but I haven’t met anyone younger that I’ve felt compatible with on more than a humour basis. We’ve joked about it the age difference a fair bit. I know what you mean about fizzy knickers 😂 I don’t think it’ll be long until it happens, but I don’t want to just go and have a shag for the sake of it as I like him, sounds similar to your situation :) hope that you’re relieved of the fizzy knickers situation soon, though I’m enjoying the tension too :)

There’s a lot of truth in the cheesy quote about choosing someone who doesn’t treat you as an option. I guess something that I haven’t really enjoyed about online dating is that you can tell when you’re someones backburner, and that’s hard when you like someone. I’ve always been honest if I’ve gone out with someone a few times and I can tell that they like me. I make it clear in a very kind way that the romance bit isn’t working and sometimes we’ve been able to stay friends, other times we’ve drifted. It’s a shame when someone is cool but you just aren’t feeling it, but best to just be clear I think :)

Well no contact from Mr Tatts since this morning. He sped out at 5.45am to take his car for an MOT (apparently). I sent a cheery message saying if he had anything on his mind or was regretting things then we agreed total honesty and there would be no hard feelings. He replied nothing on his mind he just gets up and on the go right away (I believe that, and he did kiss me goodbye a fair bit) but then nothing since. So I'm feeling a bit down.

Also I’ve met some totally lovely men in the last several months who are awesome, but just not in the right space. I often say to people that most people are decent but some with poor coping strategies, the ones that act badly are the ones we tell stories about but actually mostly it’s just that we meet someone and there’s no real spark etc.

I have three irons on the go - MrMorrisey (he loves The Smiths!) on text and phone seems utterly fab, he looks just my type from his photos and description but we are meeting on Saturday so I will see if there is any physical attraction. He does have some mental health problems which he has been very open about and I need to consider, but if nothing else I am really excited about meeting him because it's so rare for me to find one of "my people!"

MrHair (amazingly beautiful locks) ticks so many boxes. Funny, slightly geeky, clever, interesting- wowzers! Meeting Sunday but I have a feeling his single life is not geared up for my relatively restrictive listyle. @MyOldBrainStoppedWorking I feel a bit like your iron! In my case I have three children aged between 4-14 and they go to their dads every Tuesday and every other weekend. So I have v limited time to build a relationship, and have other things I want to do as well as date with my spare time.

But I want a bloody good seeing to! And I don't find sex satisfying without an emotional connection so NSA is definitely out for me.

I've got some matches and some messaging going. One rather racy profile that I responded to with an equally racy message

Thanks shitwithsugaron definitely awesome and not too mean?

Mehl Mr Morrisey sounds like my ex, most people who are into the smiths have some kind of mental health issues, that’s why they like the depressing music Morrisey writes 🤣

I’m looking forward to finally seeing Mr SA on Thursday, it’s been over 2 weeks since we last met (and DTD), he messages me more each day which I hope is a good sign, I’m not sure when the right time is to have the ‘exclusive talk’?