Dating Thread 148 - Having a Fab Time!

[TooOldForThis67]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Thanks for your replies! I'll put this one down to experience. I was very honest and they all seemed fine with just fun and no strings attached. Apparently the double standards are at work. It's ok for them to have sex with multiple partners and engage into kikny stuff, but god forbid that a woman should take such liberties! I guess we are to worship only one guy at the time!

The height thing is definitely an issue. I met a guy in December I got on really quite well with and we had quite a good snog too but he was really the same size as me (he had said 5 ft10 and I'm 5ft6 😂), I just couldn't do it! I want to feel big arms around me! ☺️

Ugh I'm really having quite a weak moment at the moment and semi on the verge of texting Mr Non-Monogamous, wondering if maybe I could do a FWB or whether if I'd just hung on in there he would have changed his mind and maybe I shouldn't have brought it up... can someone please talk some sense into me???

Doesn't help that while I'm talking to a few irons there is really no one inspiring me at all...

One Argentine iron has recently reappeared after more than a month of radio silence, I was going to leave it as he flaked on me a couple of times before that also, but now he has tried by WhatsApp, Facebook and then back to Happn where we me so I've just replied "well you have tried quite hard, so maybe ;)" and some more messages have come up while I've been writing this. Stupid to go there?

@leonasa depends what you want if it's to scratch an itch then go for it but if you like either or then I'd say leave it or at least make them work for it. Guys come back all the time. Maybe he needed time to work stuff through?

@leonasa DO NOT DO IT.

If he wanted to get in touch he would, regardless. Nobody will seem right as you are still in the phase of accepting what's happened. Plus if you text him, you just look weak. You've said what you did for the right reasons.

Do not back down!

Does that help 😘

Thanks focus and lifegoes, yes it does help! 😘

Argentine iron has apologised, so I might chat to him for a bit and see, I at least get on with him quite well so it's a distraction! And if I decide not to meet him then it's fine as I owe him nothing in the circumstances (we never actually met, we had rough plans twice which he flaked on, then we fell out of contact and I started seeing Mr NM.

I won't contact Mr NM, you are right, he would contact me if he wanted to.

Thanks both of you, I appreciate it!

dancing great loo update
marlborough I’d push for a meet
tooold glad to hear your new profile is working
leonasa do not message.
Apologies to those I haven’t mentioned but thread moves so quickly and can’t remember everything! Also annoyed on those of you with flakey irons, and unexpectedly vertically challenged ones 😆 why lie?It’s not exactly an easy lie to maintain once you meet...
My update is that I ended up randomly speaking to guy I used to go to school with with whom there was a mutual attraction but we never spoke (this was 20 years ago), and it was the most interesting,intellectual,stimulating conversation I’ve had with anyone in a long while. He seems to share many of my core values and has a good out look on life. I am hoping that there’s a spark when we meet later in the week🤞.If anything progresses I would want to take things extremely slowly (no jumping in dtd too quickly etc-want to properly date) as this would be too important to get wrong.Off to re-read the rules, especially the one about not over-investing...

FWB tonight - it's been too long so am now feeling pleasantly anticipatory 😂😏

Mr Sailor still messaging and we're planning our third date for Saturday. Am now trying to anticipate when we might dtd because I really don't want this to drag and on and on without taking him for a test drive, as it were !

Earthly I tend to ask men if they are judging me - I won't tolerate that so it's a 'no thanks' for me.

I've got two potentials but I'm going to say 1 now as Mr Bigshot has gone quiet since his business trip so I'm just going to let that fade away. Mr guitarist I have a date with on Sunday.

I feel I need to speak to more, but I'm really struggling to find anyone else on tinder and bumble.

I can't get away with POF and Fab I just find too funny, to take serious by their messages.

It's so frustrating, as I'm learning from the posts on here I need to really keep my options open. But there's nobody around 😫

BatshitCrazyWoman, how do you do that? Do you ask them if they have a problem with you dating other men? I'd like to know the wording as I'm afraid I might sound too confrontational. On the othe hand, maybe I should be and and see if they pass the test

focus why do men do this? makes you wonder what else they'll lie about.

So, I'm almost one week on tinder now and wondering do guys like to play it cool? Or is that a sign of lack of interest?

One guy I thought chatting was going well, quite a lot the first night, a little the next day (I sent the last text). He'd said he wanted to meet for a drink and I'd shown interest.

And then nothing til Sunday evening when he said, been busy are you free this weekend? Am I right in being a bit at him leaving me hanging?

@KhaleesiTargaryen I don't think you can expect to be a priority to someone who you've not even met yet so I'd say if he's now messaged and still seems like he wants to meet you should get a date arranged ASAP and forget the fact he didn't message until Sunday night.
People have more going on in their lives than just tinder etc (and if they don't then you probably don't want to be dating them anyway!) and they don't have any obligation to get back to you within a certain timeframe.
There were many times when I was on the apps that I'd go for a few days before getting chance to go through my messages and reply to people I wanted to reply to. I'd take the fact that he has messaged back as a good sign and go from there

Khaleesi I found Tinder (and the other dating apps) a bit like that, to be honest. I found that either chat turned to sexting really early on, or it kind of dried up. I found I had to be quite active with sending first messages and/or making sure that I replied to people in a timely manner, and always with a question or something like that, so there had to be an answer, if that makes sense.

Funnily enough, the guy I am actually seeing now messaged me about a common interest that we shared (music). We exchanged a few nice messages, in which he told me about a radio show he thought I might like, based on my profile. I listened to it and messaged him to say I had enjoyed it, and then I didn't hear from him for a week, when I messaged him to say I'd put the radio on to listen to it again, and it all just went from there

On that front, I had a chat with Mr Teacher (the guy from the anecdote above) last night about things, and we are both on the same page in terms of seeing each other exclusively and seeing where things go

Ah, thanks wishywashy and thesheep I just wasn't sure. He seemed nice and keen. I think I'll reply tonight :)
Good point about having more on in their lives and I don't want to encourage constant texting.

thesheep that's great news! All going well

@KhaleesiTargaryen fingers crossed you get a date out of it!

If anyone is interested, I really am 6' 2"... In fact Mrs TW commented on my height when we met (oh, you really are...)

I've been completely honest on my profiles - I mean, what's the point of lying? I'm only going to get found out, and how's that going to go...

Unfortunately, it's all gone quiet with Mrs TW... Hopefully she is just enjoying Leeds (is that possible? ), but having had a furious exchange of messages on Saturday, I've had nothing since...

Trying to organise a date with Mrs HC, but our schedules are clashing .

Getting lots of profile views, but no-one is messaging, so back to the doldrums for me..

Can someone talk some sense into me too please.

Met someone a couple of weeks ago. Spent the night together and DTD. Sex was awful as he couldn’t maintain an erection and was over within 2 mins each time we DTD! But I assumed nerves. He was very affectionate, cuddling and kissing all night.

I’ve suggested meeting up a couple of times since but he’s said he’s been busy (I know). I’ve noticed he watches everything I put on Snapchat. This morning he’s viewed my story and unfriended me!

The last time he said he was too busy to meet I said just let me know if you’re not feeling it anymore, I won’t be offended. So a bit upset that he can’t even do that. I feel like shit about DTD now, I was clear I wasn’t looking for a ONS but obviously appreciate he’s entitled to change his feelings!

Feel like sending him a message saying a courtesy text would be appreciated. Would that be stupid? I had a horrible experience of being ghosted earlier in the year and don’t understand why these men can’t show basic manners.

@Lonleyman oi, I'm from Leeds 😜

Wishy Sorry! :)

mia12 It's not you, it's him. I'm afraid it sounds like you were just another notch on the bedpost Sorry..

I'd ignore him, try and put it behind you, and think of it as a "lesson learned". There are some of us good guys out there, honest!

Ah Lonelyman the peaks and troughs of OLD are very wearing, aren't they? Have you asked Mrs TW for a date? Maybe that's what she is waiting for.

MIA12 he may well have retreated into a sad little mancave after being shit in bed but I like to have the last word so I would still be tempted to call him out on his lack of manners with a sharp text then block (probably).

Cassettes We have a date (THE date ) arranged for next Wednesday (6th), but with no messages since Saturday, I'm thinking I might have been ghosted..

I'll give it until tomorrow, and send a friendly upbeat message.

@MIA12 I'd honestly just leave it. Perhaps he's embarrassed about his performance, perhaps he's just not that into you but sending the text won't achieve anything.
He's made his choice, try to move forward and not dwell on it. You can't control how other people act or treat you and there's no point trying to force them by continuing contact.
Don't feel bad about DTD, rather than thinking of it as a ONS think of it more of a test drive that proved you were sexually incompatible

Ah mia I wouldn’t, try and put it down as a bad experience and move on

lonleyman glad to know some guys don’t lie about their height..it just seems crazy but then everyone wants a tall man so I guess it must be hard as a man OLD if they are 5ft 5

Thanks Lonleyman

What do you think I should say Cassettes ?