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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating Thread 148 - Having a Fab Time!

999 replies

TooOldForThis67 · 22/02/2019 08:59

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

OP posts:
MIA12 · 26/02/2019 11:05

Sorry missed the other replies.

I know the text won’t change his mind but I just feel it’s so wrong that people will behave like this without saying anything like ‘it’s not working for me, bye’

I’ve shown more courtesy to people I’ve had one date with!

wishywashy6 · 26/02/2019 11:31

@MIA12 yes but the harsh reality is you sending that text won't change his behaviour either and all it does it make it look like you care when he obviously doesn't.
If you were just another notch on his bedpost then the text will just boost his little ego^^ and he'll continue doing what he's doing because that's him.

CassettesAreCool · 26/02/2019 11:32

MIA just say enough to get it out of your system. Maybe 'It makes me sad that you have chosen not to be straightforward in communicating that you do not wish to continue contact with me. I believe good manners cost nothing and you have fallen far short in that respect. So here is wishing you well (in your efforts to find a woman you can actually satisfy). Bye now!'

Content in brackets is maybe a bit harsh, but tempting no?

CassettesAreCool · 26/02/2019 11:38

Oh and block immediately so you can't see whether he has read it.

MIA12 · 26/02/2019 11:48

I do care though washy , I told him more than once I wasn’t looking for a ONS so if that’s what he was after look elsewhere. Is it wrong for him to know he has left me feeling a bit rubbish?

Thank you Casettes I will send something along those lines!

CassettesAreCool · 26/02/2019 12:08

I just don't see why bad manners and poor performance shouldn't be called out. Feels like a patriarchy thing that 'boys will be boys' and will get away with treating women like shit so best not to say anything. Don't give a fuck if it changes their behaviour, the universe is a better place for saying it like it is.

Rant not necessarily over Angry

MyOldBrainStoppedWorking · 26/02/2019 12:10

Lots going on with everyone. I can't keep up!
I know you should be chatting to a few people but I've had no new interest in 2 weeks.

I've taken to swiping right on everyone on Tinder and.....nothing! No matches in 2 weeks.
Has anyone else found this? I'm wondering whether to delete my profile and start again.

I'm on POF as well and that's just as bad.

CassettesAreCool · 26/02/2019 12:12

How have you fared on Fab, oldbrain?

Marlboroandmalbec34 · 26/02/2019 12:14

Right off to meet Mr Giant..wish me luck!!

wishywashy6 · 26/02/2019 12:18

@MIA12 if it makes you feel better then send the text, I'm just saying I very much doubt 'calling him out' on his behaviour will have any affect on him.

shitwithsugaron · 26/02/2019 12:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lonleyman · 26/02/2019 12:28

shitwith he had the cheek to score you! wt actual f?

leonasa · 26/02/2019 12:33

Good luck Marlboro!

I'm with Cassettes on this actually MIA, why shouldn't he be called out? I have done it from time to time and I don't regret it, whether or not it has any effect on how they behave, why should men just get away with behaving shittily to women and we have to just put up and shut up so as not to "make an fuss"? I mean be cool and calm, but just pointing out it wasn't a good way to behave is fine I think.

MyOld yeah I feel the same about the apps right now, I feel like I am lowering my standards more and more in the swiping and not getting much!! It's disheartening when sometimes I think certain people are really suitable for me and they don't like me back... ugh...

Lonely hope you haven't been ghosted, maybe she's just had a busy few days.

Khaleesi I think that's fine, give him a go on a date I'd say

Marlboroandmalbec34 · 26/02/2019 12:51

Loo update....gorgeous and funny!

Azzizam · 26/02/2019 13:00

MIA I say send the text. I generally do as I like to fling the shit back where it belongs like an angry ape.

It is even more appropriate if they were shit in bed, though I'd never say that to anyone!
I have actually had a few apologies after my angry texts and am currently having great sex with one of these returners! So it can pay to follow your instinct and let them know you think they're a that. Grin

Azzizam · 26/02/2019 13:01

twat

DancingWithWillard · 26/02/2019 13:01

cassettes I would really be tempted to call out his shitty behaviour, but taking the kinder approach, I do wonder if performance issues have dented his self esteem and he is simply too embarrassed to get in touch again? You could always send something slightly mean along the lines of "I'm sorry your performance issues seem to have made things awkward and de-railed a lovely time. For what it's worth, your attitude since has been more of a turn off than your performance, so worth bearing in mind for the next date" then block so he can't reply.

lonelyman I think honesty is definitely the way forward, and its a positive that women are viewing your profile. Some may well pop by hoping it spurs you on to message them, so if any seem a good match for you then why not give that a try?

Was it you Tooold that was seeing Mr BE? I'm really upset for you, I thought he seemed to have potential. Has he been in touch since?

Rich I am also a sensitive soul and tend to overinvest, it can suck, but, I think I am who I am and those qualities will be important to the right person, so in my happy moments I remind myself that I am me, and I am fine how I am - nuts to those who don't like it. We will gloss over the self doubting moments when I want to build a wall around my heart and never date again

As for my second part of the date. It went really well. He is a fantastic kisser and we seem to be compatible. The only problem is that we decided we actually liked each other and would rather try dating (no expectations, no rushing) so we seem to have agreed on FWB but with romance, and not seeing other people, but with honesty and no messing about which suits us both. I'm not holding my breath as one thing I have learned is that what is said on a date is not written in stone!

CassettesAreCool · 26/02/2019 13:08

Azzizam pmsl - am now self-identifying as a shit-flinging angry ape!

Marlboro and Dancing - whoo, happy for you both.

wishywashy6 · 26/02/2019 13:10

For me it's not because I wouldn't want to make a fuss, I'm all for a fuss if it's something important but I guess in my head someone I'd only known 2 weeks, whether we'd DTD or not, would never be important enough for me to give a shit if that makes sense?! I was looking at it from my own perspective but as Mia has pointed out she does actually care then maybe sending the text will help her draw a line under it if nothing else Smile

wishywashy6 · 26/02/2019 13:12

@Azzizam Hahahaha ok after putting it like that you've converted me to shit flinging angry ape! 😂😂😂

leonasa · 26/02/2019 13:16

Yes sorry Wishywashy that "making a fuss" comment wasn't aimed at you, more at society in general! ☺️

Good news Marlboro and Dancing!

So I've got more than 2000 likes on OKCupid in 2 days, but I can't see them because I don't have the paid version. Is it worth it? I don't know if all those are real and also I am doing quite a lot of liking myself so if it's a match then I would know.

wishywashy6 · 26/02/2019 13:21

@leonasa no apology needed!

I actually think @DancingWithWillards response is quite a good message to finish on!

LilyRose88 · 26/02/2019 13:28

MIA I was stood up by a guy a few weeks ago and he blocked me on WhatsApp. He then unblocked me and said 'Hi'. I let him know how I felt about being stood up! He apologised and promptly blocked me again Smile. I felt better about having called him out on it though.

Rich I always get emotionally attached to people when they are nice to me, and I think it is to do with my childhood (without getting to deep about things!)

Marlboro how exciting, hope things continue in the same vein.

I now have the girl from the Fab couple contacting me and telling me to get in touch whenever I like, and that she really likes me. It was just the guy messaging before on behalf of both of them.They both know that I am going away soon and I think I will be getting in touch with them quite quickly when I get home. Not least because I have arranged to go to a show with Mr Much Younger (who is also very tall!) a few days after I get home.

I have not bothered keeping up with conversations on the apps as my heart wasn't really in it. Of course knowing my luck Mr Much Younger will dump me anyway, so I will be back on them soon Sad. After I got unceremoniously dumped earlier this year my self confidence has taken a bit of a nose dive and I have developed a slightly less optimistic outlook on dating.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 26/02/2019 13:29

Can't keep up with the thread!!

I think the date that couldn't keep it up is probably embarrassed - no harm in messaging but I wouldn't expect a reply.

I'm a woman who doesn't especially want a tall man - I'm only 5ft3 so 5ft 8 is fine for me. Over 6 foot makes me worried we look weird together 😂

Marlboro great news 😃

I paid for OK Cupid and found my 1000s of likes weren't really worth looking at!

MIA12 · 26/02/2019 13:38

Yes I’m in the camp of calling them out on it now. Maybe it will make them think twice about how they treat their next date. At this point the rudeness and cold shoulder is a complete turn off so calling them out isn’t an attempt at reeling them back in.

Azzizam Grin Grin The angry ape is hilarious!

Was going to go with ‘Well it might be your style to disappear without saying anything but it’s not mine, so good luck finding what you’re after. Best not to do that weird thing in bed with the next woman’

But maybe I should reign it in and send Dancings message which is far kinder Grin