Dating Thread 148 - Having a Fab Time!

[TooOldForThis67]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Focus I find it useful, make sure you type it out. Use your notes in your phone so you can type it all out. Then read it back in 24 hours. What made you think he was dating others if he said he wasn't previously? Was it your gut, does something not feel right?

@lifegoes I saw his profile on Bumble so I know it's double standards but I'm falling for him so wanted to make sure he wasn't seeing anyone else. I've been chatting to other guys and was supposed to go on date today but cancelled. I'll see what happens tomorrow

Focus then it's perfectly understandable that you want to ask. You have to protect yourself I wouldn't think you have sabotaged anything. You need to know if he feels the same, to stop yourself getting hurt.

Don't be so hard on yourself and you are seeing him again.

marl
Totally agree with what you say about missing intimacy and sex with a man - that’s what I miss too!

Hi All

I think ive decided its a no for the Dr - weirdly i can't get the man who panicked about my ds out of my head!!!! Don't know how im going to work through that one ... ideas anyone? Its even worse as we work together, don't know whether to speak to him or just leave it?? Hes definitely got in my head!! 🤔

@Focus2019 I'm not sure the time passed between your messages but definitely don't message again. He may just be thinking or busy rather than it meaning it's over! Keep busy!

@Justme1981 it depends on what you're after? If it's just something casual then why not? I would say since I've been dating, I have only dated men with children but that's more because they understand my life a little more and realise I can't be spontaneous 🤷.

Wow this thread moves fast!
Just caught up from the weekend. LOTS going on!

I've been exchanging naughtier and naughtier messages with Mrs TW... Definitely moved into sexting territory, which is a completely new experience for me -and I'm loving it-.

Just to recap, we met for coffee, and there was a definite attraction. We ended up having (for the first time in 12 years for me!!! ) a passionate snog (sorry, should have said that earlier :( )

She is away ATM, and we're not meeting (for a meal) until 1st week in March, but she has made it quite clear what's on the menu for dessert... :)

Frankly I'm panicking.. It' s been some time since I DTD with anyone, and I realise I need to keep rules 3 and 4 firmly in mind, but any advice from the female members would be very appreciated.

@Lonleyman I'd say just let things take their natural course, don't put pressure on yourself by focusing on what might happen at the end....just go and enjoy the date without expectations.
Someone may be able to offer better advice as for me personally I find the whole sexting thing really boring unless I'm already in a sexual relationship with the person, otherwise it's a massive turn off for me.
All I will say is that fantasy and reality are 2 different things and I'd always rather have the reality first

Wishy Thanks. Yes, I realise I need to keep both feet on the ground! It's just VERY difficult!

@Lonleyman I agree about the sexting before actual DTD. It puts expectations on it and will only increase any anxiety. I would definitely go on the date and let it take it's natural course, although I appreciate it'll be difficult to not have it in the back of your head!

ItsaMiracle Thanks.

The whole sexting thing just kind of developed. I wasn't expecting it, and its definitely a first for me, but you are spot on. Anxiety levels are high, and there is still over a week to go.... :O

I'm definitely going on the date, try to go in with no expectations, and will try to just take things as they happen... (and report back! :) )

Matched with someone on Blendr, (Mrs HC) who lives miles away from my weekly commute, but fairly close to my home base (iyswim). Had a phone chat (is that normal?), and we have agreed to meet, but she works shifts, so finding a mutually convenient time is proving difficult. :(

Obviously, my new profile is working! Thanks again Batshit!! :)

@Lonleyman I don't mind SOME sexting before we meet, as I then get a feel of how they might be. It does put pressure on the actual thing as expectations can become high. So I try to keep it on the soft side

Good luck, just don't over think it. I'm a strong believer that if it's meant to be, it will be

coco yes it’s hard. I want the sex and a cuddle and to make someone a brew in the morning but no time or desire for a full relationship or to “merge lives” 😂 I think I am sending mixed signals

focus I think the ball is in his court now. Give him time to respond and I hope it goes your way

lonleyman try not to overinvest. Sexting is great fun but it puts a lot of pressure on the date. Just go for the meal and see what happens

I have a date tomorrow lunch with Mr Giant. I think he might be too nice. He keeps messaging that he cannot stop thinking about me....see I just don’t know what I want!!

@Focus2019 you are completely right to have asked. I asked the guy I was seeing after a month as we were DTD lots and he was acting very boyfriendy and I didn't want to go further if he was sleeping with other people still. Wish I had asked earlier now as he was and had no intention to stop! I had advice off my brother etc that I shouldn't ask, essentially play the game better and make him fall in love with me first but I think that way would have ended in a lot of pain and the way dating is now it is perfectly reasonable to ask questions about what someone wants and if they multi date etc. I don't know what you said exactly but it sounds like you have made clear you just wanted to know if he was dating others so don't second guess / be hard on yourself.

(Having said all that I totally understand as part of me is wondering if I could have played it differently and even thinking maybe I could have just been FWB but I really need to stop that and remember he was really not very honest with me and a bit of a dick!)

I would just give your guy some time and space and see what happens, whatever does it will be for the best.

Lonelyman in your position I think it's important to just go with what makes you feel good in the moment. If you're enjoying the sexting with this lady, that's fantastic. If, when you meet again and DTD, it doesn't live up to expectations and you don't go any further with her - you've gained lots of good experiences, broken your duck, learnt a little to be ready to move on. But even if it doesn't live up to expectations, that's not necessarily the end with her anyway. And it may well live up to expectations!

Interesting read that I could relate to a fair bit in The Guardian today:

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/feb/24/i-am-a-sensitive-man-so-how-can-i-stop-getting-hurt-in-relationships-mariella-frostrup

Focus I agree that you did the right thing asking him. Actually that reminds me, I need to have the chat with Mr Much Younger as I am getting fond of him. And Lonleyman I am personally not a fan of sexting unless I have actually had sex with the person, and then I prefer the sexts to be suggestive rather explicit, but we are all different.

I had a third date with Mr Much Younger last night and it went well. He met me at my house and we went for a meal at a local restaurant. I did wonder whether we would dtd afterwards but he was a gentleman. We definitely fancy each other though as there was quite a bit of kissing and cuddling.

There was a slightly awkward moment when we both thought my elderly cat had died! She has been unwell for a couple of days and when we got back from the restaurant he went to check on her. I heard him say 'Oh no!' and he warned me that she was not moving. I burst into loud hysterical sobs and he clasped me tightly, rubbing my back. I went to touch her, just to check, and the little so and so opened one eye and stretched her back legs. . I think it helped me and Mr Much Younger to bond though as he has been texting asking for updates on the cat, and was very concerned about her.

No other irons really to report. Mr Swedish has gone quiet on me. The Fab couple are still in touch and we will meet up when I get back from holiday. In a way I'm glad that I didn't dtd with Mr Much Younger last night as I probably would have ended the thing with the Fab couple before it even started. I will have to get my timing right and meet then quite soon after I get home.

Lonelyman lovely that you've met someone - even if it doesn't work out it'll give you confidence and the next person you kiss won't be the first one in 12 years.

I was on the last thread. Just separated from dh after 20 years and I joined Match. There was Mr Beard. I had lots in common with him, he was possibly too attractive, but as he 'favourited' me I messaged him. I haven't heard back but he hasn't been online since.

So I have replied to messages from 2 other guys. Both are too far away for me to seriously date but I am still experimenting with this and learning how to 'talk' to men online. One guy is good looking but messaged me with 'Hiya sexy'. When I ignored that he picked on a hobby I have and sent two messages asking about it. I suspect he is a pest and best to be avoided but I have replied with a bland answer. The other guy Mr Irish seems charming and respectful.

There is a 4th guy Mr Cyclist who I might send a message to. He has also favourited me. He seems interesting and local but wants a woman who lives 'alone' so I don't know whether to message him.

Lily I identify so much with the cat situation - my very elderly dog is giving me a right emotional runaround at the moment, I swear sometimes she does it deliberately! I'm glad there was no crisis in the end and the way your guy reacted was adorable. I really think you can tell a lot from how a person reacts to animals (and how animals react to them...). My latest FWB is missing his dog and is desperate to walk mine with me!

Oh rich her reply was a bit harsh! I'm in the camp of 'you can't change who you are'. However, I think having more than 1 iron helps. As one 'relationship' dies out, you have the other irons to focus on. I feel really hurt by MrBE's attitude. But, I'm not going to dwell on it.
Lily - He must know what a dead cat looks like so maybe he engineered the 'oh no' to get close to you, lol. Sounds like it's going really well. Sure you want to potentially mess it up by seeing the Fab couple?
Stealth - No harm in msg these guys, you don't have to actually date them. It's all a learning curve.

richdeniro I agree that she was harsh and you can't change who you are and from what I've seen on previous threads you seem like the kind of guy I would've loved to have gone out with 20 years ago. In fact stbexh was a lovely sensitive guy apart from the last 6 months

The only thing I'd say is that if you believe you are needy then I would just set up some rules for you to appear less needy to your date. So you could take longer between texts, go out more with other people, slow the pace down. I like one of my four irons but realise I am being ridiculous as I have never met any of them so IF he replies to my message I am going to not reply for 48 hours because a. I don't want to appear desperate and b. I have never done online dating before and I want to message other guys to get some experience. (Feel free to ignore me I have no idea what I am doing!)

Thanks tooold I have just messaged Mr Cyclist. It took about 5 minutes to write whereas my message to Mr Beard took hours on and off. I wonder if I'll ever hear from either of them....

cassettes and StealthNinja Thanks so much. Yep, THOUROGHLY enjoyed the snog, and if it doesn't go any further, at least I'll have that!!

Forgive the spelling, but ykwim...