My marriage is over because my husband takes half hour shits

[Arewehumanorbones]

Well obviously it's not that simple, but it's symptomatic.
Today I've just had enough.
I do every bloody night with the non sleeping kids. Husband has had beautiful sleep in the spare room since dc1 was born 8 years ago because he "has insomnia so can't cope with disrupted sleep".
Well fuck me, I haven't had a whole nights sleep in 8 years. This week I had 2. Lie insurance (only to 8am, but normally up at 5.30/6 with the toddler), and he's moaning about being ill and tired.
Today he hasthe day off. I've been awake since 4am with the toddler and done all the morning jobs etc. He gets up at 8am, sorts his own breakfast, potters around ignoring the kids, then disappears off for a half hour shit.
Well I'm just the SAHM so I suppose the kids and house are my job, but bollocks to that I've had enough. I've got my own part time job now, have squirrelled away some savings. At least as a single mum I'd get the odd weekend off for visitation. I've not had even a night out in 5 years.... While of course he has had weekends away and nights out with mates.
I'm currently upstairs leaving him to deal with the kids for 5 minutes. The trouble is he gets shouty and scares them which is why I've been reluctant to force the issue, but I'm at breaking point and noone seems to give a shit.

ODFOD @HJWT

@PaulHollywoodsSexGut sorry was I speaking to you?

@MulticolourMophead I was married but it made things far worse for me-he could control more and got the kids 50/50. He also maintained financial control meaning we can't even think about buying a house either

@HJWT PaulHollywoodsSexGut is referencing the fact that you're just yet another poster querying the OP's children while not actually responding about the issue she actually posted about.

By properly decent I mean he got me a coffee and played with the smalls for a bit so I could catch up on here! I've also asked if he could do tea and he wasn't averse (meal planned already and just pasta and tomato sauce so nothing difficult)-

That’s not properly decent. That’s bare minimum. And the fact you think otherwise just shows how worn down you are.
Communication isnt your issue. The only reason you’re having to talk to him about his behaviour is because his behaviour is shit in the first place. So his shit behaviour is your issue.

Many thanks @MulticolourMophead

Unemployed single mum of three sounds ideal to me compared to living with this twat.

Well done OP for sorting your job, savings, and childcare

Sounds like you've had a knackering few years. Hope you get some rest soon , whatever you decide to do next X

OP's not unemployed, she works part time.

Are you advising she stays in an abusive marriage tankie76?

Your husband is emotionally abusive and manipulative with elements of violence. He is all about power and control. Your children are being damaged by being exposed to a shouting, scary and negligent father who disrespects them and their mother. Everyone walks on eggshells and dances to his tune. This will be their model for relationships and family life.

He feels entitled to opt out of parenting his own children, one of whom has a special need, and helping his isolated, overburdened, sleep-deprived wife. He is disengaged from your feelings and needs. He uses anger, violence, punishment, and deflection of blame to discredit, undermine, and silence you. His bullying causes you to hesitate asking for the support you deserve, and you blame yourself for “picking the wrong times.”

You say there are periods of relief...until the next time. Emotional/mental/verbal abuse follows the same cycle as physical abuse. When the victim reaches a breaking point or asserts boundaries, the abuser will back down for a while before resuming the abuse.

You have tolerated this appalling man and his abuse and neglect for far too long. You need to seek the support of individual counseling to express your feelings, boost your self-esteem, strengthen your boundaries, and formulate an exit plan.

There is some horrid people commenting on this thread.
You people must have perfect lives with perfect husbands and children.
Ignore them OP.
I hope things get sorted when you have a chat otherwise I hope you leave his sorry ass and find your happiness on your own!

Part time employed single mother here who LTB. My dc are polite, beautiful and top of their classes in maths english and sport. Their home life is calm and happy and they have plenty of friends and pets they take good care of.
I'm not too stressed about them being in the bus lane tankie

@tankie76

She has a job
She has 4 children and she has raised them pretty much on her own
She is mortgage free
Her DP would still have a financial responsibility towards them
Her children would get to live in a peaceful, happier home, with a happier mum

Your post is beyond ridiculous.

Op, I'm projecting massively but my mum had 4 kids with a useless man and I'm very happy she did as I'm the 4th .

They're still together and he used to do the punching walls/throwing things too. He used to scream a lot too and say hurtful things (still does). I wish she had left, but for various reasons she didn't and now I'm an adult I understand.

My mum was and still is super woman, but I feel sorry for her. She never gets to do anything for herself it's always for other people, (Including me I'll admit). My dad's mellowed with age but is still very selfish and still expects my mum to do everything for him, and in my opinion does not respect her. That's no way to live.

Seriously tankie76?

Hope you don't have kids since a parent with zero empathy who can't even read properly sounds like they would provide a great home life for a child.

OP, I want to apologise for my (not very helpful) comment on your thread. I was in a bad place myself when I wrote it, and I'm truly sorry. I know what it's like, and should have offered more empathy and support.
My only excuse is that I didn't read the whole thread, and thought from your title that it was more trivial than it actually was
Genuinely wish you and your children the best, whatever you decide to do

Well he's out.
Not quite how I expected it to go, but we had a full blown row, he started throwing things and I asked him to leave. He's gone to a mate's house.
To those who think I'm throwing my kids lives under a bus, well I fail to see how. I'm a professionally educated woman with numerous post grad qualifications, I value education. My kids value education. I will have to go on tax credits but as we live a very eco friendly and so fairly frugal life, I think we will be ok.

I've asked him to get some help for his anger and acting out.

The cycle of abuse reading I did was a bit of an eye opener tbh

I doubt this is him out for good in his mind op. It will likely be yet another way to silence or punish you for daring to request he steps up and treats you better. "Don't you dare ask me to to do more, I will throw shit around and then strop off and then you will miss me and be grateful for the crumbs when I come back" type of thing.

Stand firm. Now your eyes are opening to how he operates to control you, you won't be able to unsee it. Stay strong.

Good for you!!! To start off your new life, get a night out planned.

arewehumanorbones Good for you (and your little ones) - I'm relieved to hear that you were able to assert your boundaries OP, that's a really healthy thing! Making completion of anger counselling, parenting courses a REQUIREMENT to his being allowed to return (if that is indeed what you decide but after some time without him in the house you might decide you and your children have a happier environment without his influence)
I hope that you're feeling ok OP. Best wishes

I think the lack of someone throwing things and screaming will improve their lives rather than throwing them under a bus.