My marriage is over because my husband takes half hour shits

[Arewehumanorbones]

Well obviously it's not that simple, but it's symptomatic.
Today I've just had enough.
I do every bloody night with the non sleeping kids. Husband has had beautiful sleep in the spare room since dc1 was born 8 years ago because he "has insomnia so can't cope with disrupted sleep".
Well fuck me, I haven't had a whole nights sleep in 8 years. This week I had 2. Lie insurance (only to 8am, but normally up at 5.30/6 with the toddler), and he's moaning about being ill and tired.
Today he hasthe day off. I've been awake since 4am with the toddler and done all the morning jobs etc. He gets up at 8am, sorts his own breakfast, potters around ignoring the kids, then disappears off for a half hour shit.
Well I'm just the SAHM so I suppose the kids and house are my job, but bollocks to that I've had enough. I've got my own part time job now, have squirrelled away some savings. At least as a single mum I'd get the odd weekend off for visitation. I've not had even a night out in 5 years.... While of course he has had weekends away and nights out with mates.
I'm currently upstairs leaving him to deal with the kids for 5 minutes. The trouble is he gets shouty and scares them which is why I've been reluctant to force the issue, but I'm at breaking point and noone seems to give a shit.

Well fuck off then @adrienneJ
Toodles

Blimey. This thread is totally gone bonkers.
I think I will let it die and start a new one if I need more support or advice.
Thanks x

Well there you have it. No one should listen to your opinions on relationships since you don't like women.
Your post about people being selfish. What you mean is women. That we need to be better for men.
Women don't give sex. It's not a passive activity ffs.

Punching walls is a horrible environment for children and is not the same as a punching bag. And you fucking know it.

What do you personally get out of wanting women and there children stuck with men like this.
I hope your daughter has better influences in her life. Because the messages you will be giving her is she is not as good as men and when she marries she should expect to stay whatever happens.

Poor kid.

@adriennej You have so much so much to say (that couldnt be arsed to read) so why don't you start up your own threads rather than feeding off someone else's.
Do your own post or jog on.

Half hour shits?! OP I think you should take yourself off for a spa day and 'forget' to tell him. Write a list of things for him to do before you go (because obviously he's incompetent) - specify what time you will be back at and that your phone will be off the whole time. I know it doesn't solve problems but you clearly need some 'me' time.

As in I've not been hit, the kids haven't been hit, I've had access to money, not belittled, and as long as I can do it with the kids in tow, I can more or less do what I want with whom I want.
But it's like he's still living the single life most of the time, and just living with us like a lodger. If I ask him to step up and have the kids he gets shouty really quickly with them. If I ask to have a lie in, he mopes and has man flu afterwards for several days making it not worth it. And if I try to communicate any of this he gets shouty with me, and on occasion has hit walls and thrown objects. Every time that has happened I've asked him to go for a walk to calm down. Last night I asked him to leave
I still love him. We had a great life before children, and we still sometimes see that, - he will occasionally step up and enjoy being part of the family. But I don't get the chance to ever step back and take time for me and I'm fed up of being constantly resentful, and scared to broach

@Arewehumanorbones
I don't know what happened to this thread but I've been gradually reading it over the day.
This last bit made me a bit emotional! I could have written that post, except for the bit about shouting which my DH doesn't do. He does the rest though and like you when I broach childcare I'm at the end of my rope and then he makes it all about me and I end up apologising. I've given up and say nothing. He's taking a half an hour shit. How I wish everyday I had the courage to leave him, but I don't and I have a million excuses, which range from financial to effect on kids but the truth is I lack the courage. I use my redundancy pay form last job before I became a sahm to pay for a part time nanny in the mornings three hours three days a week and nursery hours have kicked in for dd1 so this is supposed to be all ok now because I have help in the morning and he has to work long long hours. It's still not but I let this be the reason I stay even though I see the abuse and selfishness that underpin his character.
If you have the courage to leave - well done. I wish I did. I don't post often but everything you said has resonated with me so.
He's taking his half an hour shit now. After waking up at 10. I've been up half the night as trying to night potty train dd1
Good luck

Btw to people saying to op to leave the kids with him and take a spa day etc I don't know about ops DH but if he follows the same pattern as mine then he will make her pay for the spa/shopping day. Mines technique is to have man flu for a week after and completely refuse to get out of bed. And then sulk about being neglected for the kids.

I agree there about the danger of leaving the kids with him and going out for the day. If I had done that with exh I could not have relaxed as he would have neglected the dc or been so angry they would have suffered.

Sounds like the husband does fuck all anyway so I don't think it would make a big difference whether he has 'man flu' for a week or not. (mad face at him)

Hope OP finds the strength to leave this selfish lazy POS.

@RobinHobb YES. One of the first inklings I had that I may be in an abusive relationship was when I would read 'spa day' suggestions and similar on my local mums Facebook group, and thought how I would never dare, for the exact reasons @Helloheppiness describes. Out of the question.

@adrienneJ, you are all on your own here. What does that tell you?🤔

Now now what what! Adrienne? I KNOW a Adrienne as avatar name on another board. Self confessed sociopath. Now they are not if it's the one I'm thinking of. Yes they do have NPD but are a very boring middle ranger. YAWN! Let's see if 'he' comes back...

Right OP. I am so so sorry that your thread has been trolled. I know due to my own circumstances why this probably is - you are pushing at 'the facade' and it;s rebounding on you.

Look. MN is largely a middle class board with middle class values and all the 'keeping up appearances' to match. You have largely not been physically abuse although the psychological abuse is fucking massive. I know. I was that woman. I'm now fighting for my own children. I am the mad, crazy. Does not matter a jot that he raped me; threatened to rape me before finally physically assaulting me.

Listen OP, right now. I believe you.

The title is, erm intresting (!) but I'll guarantee you this. He's NOT having a 30 min shit. He's up to something else. I've had this trick pulled on me too. It's fucking nonsense; a joke. No one takes half an hour to ease one out ffs! I'm in and out in 2 mins or so. We all know this unless we are constipated.

It is a fucking great way to go to a room with a lock on the door, isn't it rather.

PM me if you need OP. And for you and for all the cunts on here who are trolling a wonderful lady when she needs help the most.

This does seem very emotional and lots of cross posts!

I’ve only just come across it, but can sympathise OP. DP is in the bathroom for 1 hour a day?! What’s going on in there? Seriously I don’t know. However, he sounds very shouty and that is not good. Save up and plan to leave.

I’m leaving too. Just can’t for a while. No job and sn child, but I’ll get there. I too don’t like leaving my child with DP, and he just doesn’t give the same quality of care and I tell you our child needs it, and he all’s takes him to in laws who are awful. So I feel exhausted. All the time. Less kids but high needs. We can’t just go off for a spa day.

So just to say I recognized where you are. I think it will get better. And we are putting our kids first, and taking good care of them. That’s really good. Let’s not forget that. And also, im wondering if we can somehow squeeze funds to get some professional childcare support? Our DPs aren’t giving it. Look into it? My DP is very mean with money, despite earning loads, so I probably can’t do this. But worth a thought?

Sorry for typos, really tired, no idea why I’m still up - child woke in night and I couldn’t get back to sleep.