My marriage is over because my husband takes half hour shits

[Arewehumanorbones]

Well obviously it's not that simple, but it's symptomatic.
Today I've just had enough.
I do every bloody night with the non sleeping kids. Husband has had beautiful sleep in the spare room since dc1 was born 8 years ago because he "has insomnia so can't cope with disrupted sleep".
Well fuck me, I haven't had a whole nights sleep in 8 years. This week I had 2. Lie insurance (only to 8am, but normally up at 5.30/6 with the toddler), and he's moaning about being ill and tired.
Today he hasthe day off. I've been awake since 4am with the toddler and done all the morning jobs etc. He gets up at 8am, sorts his own breakfast, potters around ignoring the kids, then disappears off for a half hour shit.
Well I'm just the SAHM so I suppose the kids and house are my job, but bollocks to that I've had enough. I've got my own part time job now, have squirrelled away some savings. At least as a single mum I'd get the odd weekend off for visitation. I've not had even a night out in 5 years.... While of course he has had weekends away and nights out with mates.
I'm currently upstairs leaving him to deal with the kids for 5 minutes. The trouble is he gets shouty and scares them which is why I've been reluctant to force the issue, but I'm at breaking point and noone seems to give a shit.

Is it possible he has ASD too?

@adrienneJ RTFT

WeMarchOn and Adrienne

RTFT!!!

I am not even sure RTFT would help with Adrienne's outlook!! He's done nothing wrong, he goes out to work so its your job to look after teh children etc

Oh dear!

I did and just because she said her child is Autistic and it can be hereditary!!!!

Of course no!! Just may explain a few things

Adrienne

1. the OPs husband has parental RESPONSIBILITY which means that legally he should be partaking in their practical and emotional care.
2. it is recognised in this country that consistently screaming and shouting at children in your care is both emotionally abusive and a sign of lack of necessary parenting skills and emotional maturity and control.
3. it is recognised in this country that punching walls, throwing objects shouting and swearing aggressively at an intimate partner is abusive.
4. it is recognised in this country that deliberately manipulating a partner into feeling unreasonable guilt over a reasonable request that they desist in neglectful and harmful behaviour is abusive ... So please tell me again how "he hasn't done anything wrong" Shameful comments and attitude, you need to educate your self on acceptable behaviour before speaking.

wemarchon if the OPs H was autistic with the behavioural traits so severe that they caused challenging behaviour - screaming, shouting, throwing objects, swearing, inability to understand request for assistance with childcare tasks - then these would apply and be triggered across the board not just inside the home with / at the OP - surely the employer or the police or general friends, family or public would have noticed? Especially considering that the OPs update said that all others outside of the home find him charming...
I'm sorry but ASD doesn't explain these highly specific violent /neglectful behaviours.

Thanks for the lesson in Autism, I'm Autistic myself so i know!!

Then you should know that the "maybe he has ASD" mentioned in conjunction with awful / violent partner behaviour is inconsistent with an individual who is highly functioning both in employment and socially and is not helpful on this thread?

And you should know we mask it until we are home!!

Unfortunately highly successful manipulative abusive people rarely show their true nature to one and all, they "mask it till they get home" which suggests a high degree of self awareness and premeditation, and then explode usually to the massive detriment of their nearest family.
It's exceptionally frustrating to have ASD brought up as if it's some kind of "pass".

Where exactly did i say it was a pass or an excuse? I didn't!! I said it could explain a few things!! Absolutely people with ASD still need consequences for their behaviour, don't twist my words!!!

It doesn’t sound like he’s actually done anything wrong.

Terrorizing your family is wrong.

Instead of screaming, hitting walls and throwing things, a kind and supportive husband and father will help out when needed, especially when his wife has extreme sleep deprivation from being up all night with a toddler who has health issues and another child who has developmental challenges.

After work and on weekends, most fathers I know actually enjoy interacting with their children, and wouldn’t dream of acting like a scary monster.

Lol @adrienneJ -some absolute crazy's on this thread here, I'm repeatedly astounded at how low some women set their bars.

So far poor lazy bastard husband may be depressed, may have ASD, mightn't like his job, might be just as tired as op, hasn't actually done anything wrong.

It's no wonder a lot of men continue with ease to be abusive, misogynistic, entitled, lazy arseholes with the attitudes of some women here.

Is it because he's not actually obviously abusive? As in I've not been hit, the kids haven't been hit, I've had access to money, not belittled, and as long as I can do it with the kids in tow, I can more or less do what I want with whom I want.
But it's like he's still living the single life most of the time, and just living with us like a lodger. If I ask him to step up and have the kids he gets shouty really quickly with them. If I ask to have a lie in, he mopes and has man flu afterwards for several days making it not worth it. And if I try to communicate any of this he gets shouty with me, and on occasion has hit walls and thrown objects. Every time that has happened I've asked him to go for a walk to calm down. Last night I asked him to leave
I still love him. We had a great life before children, and we still sometimes see that, - he will occasionally step up and enjoy being part of the family. But I don't get the chance to ever step back and take time for me and I'm fed up of being constantly resentful, and scared to broach it.
If he attends some courses then I'm willing to give him another go. Especially some respectful parenting courses - he is very authoritarian and that always ends badly with our crew.

FYI I wouldn't stand for his laziness, I wouldn't allow any bullshit!!

Married life isn't always easy, it sounds like you're just sounding off as it doesn't sound like he's actually done anything wrong. He goes out to work and your job is to look after the kids and housework, I'm sure he doesn't love his job all the time either.

Jesus. They’re jumping from one thread to another. It’s the Tammy Wynette Fan Club all over again. Once again, all together now. Stand By Your Man la la la la la. 🎼🎸

Well maybe he was easy going until responsibility came along, you know who someone really is when the shit hits the fan...and he’s just not there for you.

My third didn’t sleep until last summer, he was 4, nearly ended me

Pretty sure Adrienne is just trying to ruffle feathers and get a reaction tonight - she’s made some choice posts on people’s threads 🙄 yawn.

OP you are entitled to feel the way you feel and you are being so strong. You deserve an equal partner nothing less. I hope everything works out for you.

I don't think the main problem is that he doesn't help out around the house enough, I think the main problem is that he often gets "shouty" (nice phrase) and punches walls and throws things.

He is hitting you verbally and emotionally. When he intimidates by shouting, throwing things, and hitting walls, and punishes by moping and having man flu, that is abusive. That is belittling.

He is abusive with yelling and throwing things. This is not what reasonable people do.
Counseling sounds like a great idea for you both, separately.