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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My partner & my son hate each other

380 replies

Pinkielove · 19/02/2019 13:51

To cut a long story short, my son & I were the victims of domestic violence, when he was 12 we left the family home and relocated back to where my Mum lived, hard as my son had only ever known one home, he had friends since nursery days, and despite what had happened, he missed his Dad. I then got together with an old school friend, he too was divorced with a daughter living with her Mum, we moved in with him, my son, settled in school and I have not spoken to my ex since, there is a restraining order. My son is now nearly 21, and he and my partner hate each others guts. There have been arguments galore, my partner is jealous of the relationship I have with my son as he doesn't have that with his daughter, and my son feels that I have been taken away from him. I try so hard to split my time, but feel that as neither of them speak to each other, not one word, that I am stuck in the middle. Family holidays are out, celebratory meals as they wont be at the same table together, Christmas was a nightmare, and I worry for the future. My partner has no relationship with his family, he fell out with his Mum, Dad and sister and when his Mum died, nobody even told him, my son tells me that my partner is a loser, he cant keep down a full time job, only does consultancy work, his family hate him, his daughter only phones when she wants money, my son has no relationship with him, so what does he have - only me ? And now I am starting to worry - what will happen when my son leaves home ? he wont want to come back - and what about grandchildren, how will I see them other than visiting on my own ? This is not how I saw things and sometimes feel I have swapped one toxic environment for another. Has anyone else ever been in the same situation ? To add to this, we extended his family home that we had moved into with my inheritance money, yet he is dragging his feet when it comes to putting my name on the paperwork. If anything happens to me, my son will get nothing unless I am named on the house, but every time I mention it, there is a huge "discussion" but nothing ever gets resolved. I feel like one of those women on the holiday love rat programmes where they hand over all they have to a waiter or sunbed man and then end up with nothing, the only difference is that I went into this with my eyes open. Please tell me I haven't been a fool.

OP posts:
TheCatThatWalkedAlone · 06/03/2022 16:40

Please seek advice from a solicitor (alone at first) on protecting your investment in the house. You don’t necessarily have to ‘go on the deeds’ or mortgage. For example you could register a legal charge on the house up to the value of your investment, you could set up a deed of trust, or you could indeed go on the mortgage and share the legal ownership of the house.

Only a solicitor with full knowledge of your circumstance can say what’s best for you.

2bazookas · 06/03/2022 17:35

In 7 years time, when the mortgage ends, if he can't repay 100 K then the mortgage lender will repossess the house and sell it to recover the 100K. As DP lies to you about debts it's possible he owes the mortgage lender even more than 100K.

You need to get some independent legal advice, urgently.

Maybe your best bet is to sell the house now, recoup whatever you can of your inheritance, and move on without DP.

endofthelinefinally · 06/03/2022 18:00

Sounds like your son has got the measure of him.

Blanca87 · 06/03/2022 19:26

READ. THE . UPDATE. PEOPLE.

me4real · 06/03/2022 19:49

Well done @Pinkielove and glad things worked out ok. xx

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