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Original poster

DP just bought a ring... Am I crazy to think he's about to propose?

199 replies

rosetonightplease · 17/02/2019 19:09

We've been together for 18months . We have discussed marriage in the past and he knows I would say yes... The only thing id that I love jewellery in general so it could be just a random gift :/

OP posts:
Original poster
rosetonightplease · 18/02/2019 10:02

I am the higher earner hopto. I'm mid thirties.

OP posts:
HoptoitDufflepuds · 18/02/2019 10:02

Apologies, I read that as your dp would be better off that he was the main earner. However, it sounds even more like the poor sod is trying to keep up with your expectations and long term that is never going to work without compromise.

PinkHeart5914 · 18/02/2019 10:03

18 months is a bit soon really for all this marriage stuff, you’ve been together a year and half so not a huge amount of time.

Why the rush?

HoptoitDufflepuds · 18/02/2019 10:10

Is this your first serious/long term relationship or have you previously had one or two long relationships? I ask as tbh it's sounds like you feel like you aren't getting any younger, the biological clock is ticking and you have a strong desire to have children.

Pinkprincess1978 · 18/02/2019 10:20

A promise ring is a madness for kids or those who don't want to make the legal commitment of marriage.

An engagement ring is about the promise of marriage. If he can't afford the ring you want why don't you pay for it together? Don't let him waste money on a ring that could be put towards the ring you want - and don't let him get a loan out to pay for a piece of jewellery! I think if your future intended can't afford the ring you want you need to reassess your desires in this respect.

What are your priorities? You are trying TTC but not yet married or officially engaged? What makes you think he would ever be able to afford an expensive engagement ring when you add more children to the mix? If he can't afford it now he is less likely to be able to afford it later.

thedevilinablackdress · 18/02/2019 10:27

If you want the ring, buy the ring (since you're the higher earner).
If you want to get married, get married.

NotANotMan · 18/02/2019 10:27

I want the ring I really, really want I think he'd have to take a loan for it

You're an idiot. Buy your own ring

SleepingStandingUp · 18/02/2019 10:31

Sorry OP but he can't really afford a 1K ring, he already has a couple of kids to support, you're ttc and instead of helping provide for his family, the expectation is that he'll save for an expensive ring because you said so?

How much do you expect him to spend out on your perfect wedding?

What if between all the kids and a house he can never quite get 1K spare together? Sounds like he's under a lot of pressure to be good enough for you

LatentPhase · 18/02/2019 10:36

Sorry haven’t RTFT but aren’t you the person who posted a couple of weeks ago to say he’s not yet divorced and has no assets and you’ve decided you’re no longer bothered about being married?

Confused
Original poster
rosetonightplease · 18/02/2019 10:36

Sleeping I think that's how he feels, which is why I said to him that it didn't matter. But then he said that this was definitely not that ring, that "the ring" would be much more special.

OP posts:
Original poster
rosetonightplease · 18/02/2019 10:37

Yes that's me latent this shoes that obviously I still care when I saw it so close.

OP posts:
Whoops75 · 18/02/2019 10:43

Would it not have been better to put the cost of the promise ring towards ‘The ring’.

It sounds like this relationship needs more time before having a baby.

Babdoc · 18/02/2019 10:46

I hope this poor chap realises that he’s involved with a woman who prioritises jewellery and money over the sanctity of marriage and the love of a partner.
OP, however expensive and blingy the engagement ring, it matters not the tiniest of jots. One doesn’t measure commitment in carats.

FriarTuck · 18/02/2019 10:48

He knows the while thing means a lot to me and wants everything to be perfect, starting with the ring.
aren’t you the person who posted a couple of weeks ago to say he’s not yet divorced and has no assets
If he / you wants everything perfect surely you'd start with him getting divorced first, then establishing some financial security so he can afford to keep his existing kids plus any future ones secure, then getting a ring that didn't screw that financial security up, then getting married BEFORE trying to have a child with him? Or am I just hopelessly old-fashioned? Hmm Confused
It's a very backwards world....

Hollowvictory · 18/02/2019 10:49

Ah I see, he's still married to someone else. You're in a relationship with someone else's husband. This whole situation is a disaster waiting to happen from the fact he isn't free to get engaged or make a promise of any kind because he's someone else's husband to the ridiculous £5k ring he can't afford 😳

LatentPhase · 18/02/2019 10:54

Haha Friar yep. That would be the grownup thing to do.

If you’re going to be together anyway, OP, why oh why put the cart before the horse and get further into debt? Why not wait and do things in a more sensible order and get finances on a better footing.

The only reason I can think of is getting blindsided/bowled over by The Ring. And the biological clock.

Original poster
rosetonightplease · 18/02/2019 10:59

Yes, that's why I think realistically we'll get married in a few years from now. Which would be too late for me and TTC.

OP posts:
KennyCalmIt · 18/02/2019 10:59

Why on earth would you want him taking out a loan just so you can get the ring you want? Confused

I would never want my DP to be in any debt because of me - especially for materialistic things such as a ring. Your attitude towards this makes you sound like a spoilt brat

18 months together, trying to conceive and wanting a 5k ring?! Hmm how old are you?

Nothing wrong with wanting to be engaged etc but you’re still getting to know each other at 18 months. Do you really want to be trying for a baby while planning a wedding? Why the rush - why do you want everything all at once? And why the need for such an expensive ring and why the hell would you be okay with him taking out a loan to buy you it?!

Original poster
rosetonightplease · 18/02/2019 11:03

I never did I actually wanted that ring. I just said that was the ring of my dreams. He's the man of my dreams though so ultimately I couldn't care less what ring he buys. All of my cousins/siblings had massive weddings, his was too. I think he just doesn't want me to miss out. I don't want him to get a loan. I know anything he does in that way I'd be paying for it anyways.

OP posts:
Hollowvictory · 18/02/2019 11:06

The man of your dreams has kids and is married to someone else? You need to aim higher. Thus is no dream.

Original poster
rosetonightplease · 18/02/2019 11:09

He's separated. Divorce will be final in 5 weeks give or take. His ex has a BF they live together. I'm pretty sure married is used loosely here.

OP posts:
Hollowvictory · 18/02/2019 11:11

Are you abroad? As married is a legally binding status in the UK. Your boyf is not free to marry.

Loopytiles · 18/02/2019 11:11

A £5k or even £1k ring from a man who is married to someone else with no financial assets and DC to support would be ridiculous.

Your priority is clearly ttc, because of your age/fertility concerns.

Get legal advice on protecting your own financial assets before marriage.

NashvilleQueen · 18/02/2019 11:16

Bonkers. From start to finish.

ScrumpyCrack · 18/02/2019 11:21

I know anything he does in that way I'd be paying for it anyways.

So buy it for yourself and cut out the middle man?

I’m pretty sure married is used loosely here.

Pretty sure? Wouldn’t you like to be certain seeing as though you’re TTC and talking about marriage?

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