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Original poster

DP just bought a ring... Am I crazy to think he's about to propose?

199 replies

rosetonightplease · 17/02/2019 19:09

We've been together for 18months . We have discussed marriage in the past and he knows I would say yes... The only thing id that I love jewellery in general so it could be just a random gift :/

OP posts:
CloudyTuesday · 18/02/2019 05:54

I thought promise rings were for teenagers. Been together three months and totally in love, but too young and cash-strapped for engagement? Promise ring. How disappointing op.

If you live together and have dc, and he's giving you a ring while 'promising to marry you one day', surely that's just 'getting engaged'?

SleepingStandingUp · 18/02/2019 05:58

So youive together and have kids together? Or he's step Dad to your kids?

He wants to marry you but won't propose because the only ri;g he can afford is a pre engagement ring? Sorry but I wouldn't buy a white dress for a while.

Either you've put unrealistic expectations on how much he's expected to spend on it, and then a wedding or he's figured out a cheap way to fob you off for a bit longer.

Being pre-engaged is called dating. You're doing all that.

Just enjoy the pretty ring and except marriage may be years off

Hollowvictory · 18/02/2019 06:04

Promise ring isn't a thing. It's like the BFF rings they sell in Claire accessories. I wonder if you saying you're really into jewellery (and are you really?) has caused this? Marriage seems like it may be put off due to you being v keen on a fancy ring?

Original poster
rosetonightplease · 18/02/2019 08:38

We dont have DC together, their his but we're TTC. I do own expensive jewellery, my mum gave me a 3k ring just because, s Rolex and a few other bits. My contents insurance has an add on to cover it all. He knows what ring I ideally want, which is a little more than this one. I think he just wanted to give me something pretty and so that I'd wear something that was his.

OP posts:
Hollowvictory · 18/02/2019 08:41

Well then yes, it sounds like it would be crazy to think he'd propose. Would you not rather he'd put the money for this ring towards the engagement ring? How much is the ring you want?

DrinkSangriaInThePark · 18/02/2019 08:44

Sorry but I think he's putting you off. Why not just get the engagement ring now? This gives him a lot more time...

BertrandRussell · 18/02/2019 08:47

Do not have a baby with this man.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 18/02/2019 08:50

I think he just wanted to give me something pretty and so that I'd wear something that was his.

I don't think that's totally unreasonable, and neither is not being ready to propose yet 18 months in. He's given you a lovely piece of jewellery, and it would have been a nice surprise if his DC hadn't told you and accidentally got your expectations up.

That said, if this has bothered you a lot and you're very keen to get married now, perhaps have a talk to him. You don't need a fancy proposal from him - you can just agree to be engaged, to get married. If you want a proposal, which is absolutely fine too, you'll need to be patient - but still talk to him about whether you're on the same page in terms of timescales.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 18/02/2019 08:50

Indeed, do not have a baby by this man.

I think he has figured out a way to further distract you from marriage by means of this so called promise ring which in itself means nothing.

Holidayshopping · 18/02/2019 08:54

I do own expensive jewellery, my mum gave me a 3k ring just because, s Rolex and a few other bits. My contents insurance has an add on to cover it

Why is that relevant?! Are you quite young, OP? Why the rush to get a ring on your finger?

Original poster
rosetonightplease · 18/02/2019 08:55

In simple terms of I want the ring I really, really want I think he'd have to take a loan for it. I know I'll get a lookalike which is fine, but still would take him a while. He knows the while thing means a lot to me and wants everything to be perfect, starting with the ring.

OP posts:
Original poster
rosetonightplease · 18/02/2019 08:56

@Holiday I think it's relevant because I think he feels he ends to be at least in that level so to speak. And I'm not that young

OP posts:
skunkatanka · 18/02/2019 08:59

You do know that a marriage is in no way about a ring OP don't you? If you want a certain ring so much why not chip your own money into the pot?

CielBleuEtNuages · 18/02/2019 09:05

So to summarise

You're TTC with a man you want to marry.

But only if he buys a specific ring.

One that he would need to take a loan out to buy.

Are you sure your priorities are in the right order?

Surely if you're TTC you should be saving for the baby? Or getting married before having the baby?

BertrandRussell · 18/02/2019 09:06

“In simple terms of I want the ring I really, really want I think he'd have to take a loan for it.”
I add my earlier statement. He shouldn’t have a baby with you either.

0ccamsRazor · 18/02/2019 09:08

Good lord, do not have a child with this man op, at least not until you are married and are protected to some degree legally speaking.

To be frank, i would find his teenage behaviour rather off putting.

Promise ring, ffs Hmm

Original poster
rosetonightplease · 18/02/2019 09:28

I don't need protection to have a baby. He's better off if we do, not me.

OP posts:
Original poster
rosetonightplease · 18/02/2019 09:34

Because of our personal circumstances, marriage to an extent is more about is more about the symbolic aspect than the practical one. This the ring, that it had to be a surprise, etc...

OP posts:
BlueMerchant · 18/02/2019 09:41

Whatever next? A pre-promise ring ring?
Why has he wasted money on a 'promise ring' He could of put it towards your engagement ring.

Hollowvictory · 18/02/2019 09:44

How much is the engagement ring and how much is the promise ring?
Are you prepared to compromise on the ring of your dreams? I'm thinking he already has kids and may have been engaged or married before so it's not really a traditional set up necessarily

Loopytiles · 18/02/2019 09:52

You’ve known him 18 months, both already have DC and are already , but haven’t sorted out where you stand on marriage and are faffing with “promise” rings etc? DC getting involved? Not good IMO.

You imply he’d be the main financial beneficiary if you marry. Will this remain the case if you have a DC together, eg do you plan to continue to work FT, or have assets currently in your name? If you marry and then split up, as more than half of relationships do, where would that leave you and your DC?

Marriage is a legal and financial contract.

CantWinLotteryIfDontBuyTicket · 18/02/2019 09:55

He doesn’t need to spend money on steak when you’re clearly happy to give him the burger for free!

merrybloomizoothief · 18/02/2019 09:58

absolutely batshit

the more i read on this website, the more i despair

Original poster
rosetonightplease · 18/02/2019 10:00

I don't have any DC. I would have to continue working because I'm the main earner. I have assets, so I know the risk there, I trust that he'd do the right thing and divide it accordingly. Anything that we built together after getting married will be joint, anything before (like my assets) would be mine. The ring I want is 5k if I get the one I've always wanted. Lookalikes are about a grand.

OP posts:
HoptoitDufflepuds · 18/02/2019 10:00

A friend of mine (late 30's) has a promise ring because she and her partner don't believe in marriage - this has been for as long as I've known her, since we were children. So in her instance I think it's a lovely gesture to symbolise their commitment to each other. He wears a ring too.

But your relationship looks a lot less equal than that. Your dp is the higher earner but would need to take out a loan to get an engagement ring you like. You've talked about marriage 'in the past' but you've only been together for 18 months. Tbh that's not a huge amount of time but I guess when you both have children from previous relationships you want that symbolic stability quicker for reassurance.

How young is your 'not that young'? If you talk about your age the way you talk about your relationship I expect you to be mid 20's at most.