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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Debt and my husband have fucked our future

370 replies

Smidgen15 · 15/02/2019 22:57

Hi All

Im heartbroken

I found out this morning that my husband had 4 secret credit cards....
I knew of some debt but not any of this.

We are supposed to be starting IVF (for a sibling for my DS) in 2weeks.

I feel robbed of potentially owning a house, my son has been robbed of a sibling.

I cant eat or sleep. Im mess

OP posts:
RandomMess · 15/02/2019 23:50

Ah only £100 that pretty dire Sad

Original poster
Smidgen15 · 15/02/2019 23:51

Sure is....

I think other than my miscarriage, this has to be the worst time of my life.....

OP posts:
Original poster
Smidgen15 · 15/02/2019 23:56

I feel so bad for my son. He will never have a little sibling....
Why cant this be an easy decision!

OP posts:
Parky04 · 15/02/2019 23:59

Massive betrayal. I couldn't be with someone who wasn't honest.

Stepstepmother · 15/02/2019 23:59

So you were planning ivf when you thought you were 14k in debt? I don’t think all the blame can be laid on your husband here as you were never in the financial position to do this. Concentrate on getting out of debt for the child you already have!

Original poster
Smidgen15 · 16/02/2019 00:02

Here we go.....

There is always one isnt there...

Like i said, 14K was manageable as it was (or so i thought) his only outgoing other than the norm (car ins etc)
Plus he has guaranteed overtime up until last month, so perhaps read the thread before you cast your judgement thanks

OP posts:
Weenurse · 16/02/2019 00:02

Priorities are paying down debt and providing for child you already have.
There are no guarantees with IVF with a 20%- 40% success rate considered good .
So no guarantee that you would get a sibling for DC.
Concentrate on paying the debt now so you can do school trips in future.
Any chance of either of you getting second job?

notapizzaeater · 16/02/2019 00:03

If he goes on a dmp then most lenders will freeze the interest.

Please look at one of the free ones, stepchange, payplan or Christians agains5 poverty. Tbh if they all froze the interest you can quickly make a difference.

Weenurse · 16/02/2019 00:04

Also it is ok to grieve for lost opportunities, just try not to let grief stop you from moving forward.

feliciabirthgiver · 16/02/2019 00:08

Yep as @notapizzaeater said as soon as we had agreed the DMP all interest charges stopped and we have only had to repay the balance.

Have a look online tomorrow they do a great budget planner.

Ignore any negative comments you get Thanks

Original poster
Smidgen15 · 16/02/2019 00:08

Weenurse - exactly. To be honest, the worrying would come if i got pregnant rather than paying the IVF. I wanted my son so very much, i cant not give him the things he deserves to enjoy his little life. I just cant justify a sibling now

Notapizzaeater - if i knew they deffo wouldnt charge interest, a DMP is deffo more suitably. Ive worked out that if hubby paid £300 a month, he could be debt free in 6 years and if his OT ever came back, we could save and start enjoying life, having a back up for a rainy day so to speak.

OP posts:
nettie434 · 16/02/2019 00:08

Oh Smidgen15 Flowers The point of a DMP is that the creditors freeze interest, although it is not legally binding. Perhaps bankruptcy would at least enable you to draw a line under things. Anyway, the advantage of contacting StepChange or Debtline is that they can talk it through with you. With budgeting, you alert with your priority debts like rent, food, council tax and then see what is left for debts. The problem with the current situation is that the credit card debts are coming 1st and there is nothing left to live on. Lots of advice on Martin Lewis’s site too.

Original poster
Smidgen15 · 16/02/2019 00:09

Thank you

OP posts:
Jon65 · 16/02/2019 00:09

On a dmp the interest is frozen, so you don't pay interest. Speak to stepchange or christians against poverty with your partner and sort this out so you are not spending the next 10 years trying to pay creditors. Cutting the cards up is a good start.

Original poster
Smidgen15 · 16/02/2019 00:09

I am doing the right thing arent i? My friends are suggesting i reconsider as i will regret it for life....

OP posts:
Timtims · 16/02/2019 00:09

Do you have a job OP?

Original poster
Smidgen15 · 16/02/2019 00:11

Jon, years ago, my ex made me go on a DMP with stepchange... one of my creditors added the interest amd it nearly doubled. They can add interest. Only and IVA can stop them adding interest.
But its worth a go to ask the question. We are not in arrears of anything

OP posts:
Original poster
Smidgen15 · 16/02/2019 00:11

I do, full time

OP posts:
Jon65 · 16/02/2019 00:14

I spent 10 years debt counselling amongst other things on a legal aid contract. The interest should always be stopped on a dmp and if it isn't a complaint can be made to the company. If they don't stop the interest at that point a complaint to the Financial Ombudsman would be successful.

Jon65 · 16/02/2019 00:16

On the info you have given an IVA would not be suitable for your partner.

Original poster
Smidgen15 · 16/02/2019 00:16

Thanks jon but ive google the shit out of them, they all say the say..
I copied the below from stepchange

'Interest, charges and creditor contact on a DMP. A debt management plan (DMP) doesn't stop creditors taking action to get you to repay your debt. For example, they can add further interest and charges, contact you or start court proceedings. However while further action is possible, it's not guaranteed to happen'

OP posts:
Original poster
Smidgen15 · 16/02/2019 00:17

Can i ask why an IVA wouldnt be suitable?

OP posts:
Weenurse · 16/02/2019 00:17

Good luck💐

funthief · 16/02/2019 00:18

Stepchange and Payplan are both reputable. Do you own a house? Bankruptcy may be s better option for you. You would be debt free in a year, all things being equal.

Original poster
Smidgen15 · 16/02/2019 00:19

Nope, we rent so bankruptcy is an option although hubby isnt keen and im scared of not only the repercussions but that i will get over my head in it and make bad choices

OP posts:
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