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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

To be annoyed that someone sent my hubby a valentine card.

196 replies

amethyst123 · 15/02/2019 11:45

Just that really, I'm home all day on maternity leave, post comes through the letterbox yesterday about lunchtime with a red envelope looking suspiciously like a valentine card I turn it over and see my 7 year old dd's name looking closer I see it says to dd's dad followed by our exact address the label has been printed so no handwriting. So I open it (like you do) and it is a valentine card with big love hearts saying be mine, inside is just a big question mark in pink lipstick.
Am I right to be annoyed that someone would sent a happily married man with three kids a valentine card?
I'm thinking that they don't even know him as they didn’t put his name on the envelope but they obviously know the name of one of our children, also our dd's name is spelt unusually so unless they knew her they would probably spell it the usual way but they got the spelling right so they clearly know her name but not his. So then I'm thinking is it a mom from school or a teacher? It can't be someone we know or close to us as they would have put his name on the card surely even if it was only his first name. I really don't think he is having an affair and again even if he was why make the card out to dd's dad?
It can't be one of dd's friends as they are only 7 and surely not clever enough to print a label, find a first class stamp and post it without anyone knowing. It could be someone playing a joke but again why put to dd's dad on the envelope? Plus it's not very funny when your hormonal and suffering sleepless nights with a baby.
Sorry for ranting but I have been up all night thinking about it.
Does anyone have any suggestions please?

OP posts:
ShadyLady53 · 15/02/2019 16:49

Are you sure the school didn't do it for your DD?

If they did, I’d be pulling my DD out of that school! It would be very inappropriate/weird.

ShadyLady53 · 15/02/2019 16:50

Not to mention a GDPR issue.

NameWithChange · 15/02/2019 16:52

Just a thought. School have posted cards for my youngest in the past - can't remember what it was, maybe Fathers Day. Maybe GDPR would put a stop to that now.

I agree it would be weird but I just wondered if it was a possibility as DD's name spelt right.

NameWithChange · 15/02/2019 16:54

@AryaStarkWolf it was a lipstick question mark I think.

Bumbelinadance · 15/02/2019 17:00

Op
So pleased you got this sorted out without a problem between you and dh . Sounds all’s well that ends well.
Not sure what the posters talking about “ illegal “have been smoking ... would they be ok with a valentines card arriving for their partner , especially if they were on maternity ( I was super hormonal and suspicious when I felt fat and frumpy pre and post baby )

I haven’t read the full thread so forgive me if this has been mentioned but could it have been one of dds Freinds with a little 7 year old harmless crush .? I made a love letter for our village policeman when I was 8. Nothing sexual

BertrandRussell · 15/02/2019 17:01

Would nobody else be really upset to be suspected like this?

Bumbelinadance · 15/02/2019 17:09

Bert
I wouldn’t actually ... not if they simply asked me as it seems op did. I would rather my partner asked than felt bad in silence .. I would want to set their mind at rest .

My ex ( back in the days he was a nice man ) once came to me very gently and asked why the men’s shower gel he left at my house in the early stages of our relationship had depleted . I had actually been using it as I missed him and his smell .

LaughingCow99 · 15/02/2019 17:11

Glad to hear you told him about it.

You said you may have trust issues. Could someone be aware of this and be exploiting this to hurt you?

pineappletower · 15/02/2019 17:22

If this was me, I'd be intrigued and baffled, but would treat it in the manner it was sent, as a secret Valentine. Nobody is trying to split up a family FFS.

AryaStarkWolf · 15/02/2019 17:23

@NameWithChange oh yes Sorry, still would be weird though, getting the kids to make Valentine's Day cards for their dads

BrendasUmbrella · 15/02/2019 17:24

Perhaps the whole point was to wind the two of you up?

BertrandRussell · 15/02/2019 17:25

So even this wouldn’t upset you at all?

“I stuffed the card in my handbag and didn't tell hubby about it, wanted to see if he mentioned anything about post first or acting suspiciously”

Bluntness100 · 15/02/2019 17:25

Why do you think it was intended to hurt you? I'd assume it was a prank, i guess we are different people and I'd immediately ask my daughter if she sent it and be amused,

The way you and your husband are behaving is slightly odd. Keeping it a secret from the kids, sending them to your mums so you can discuss it and they don't know, thinking it's someone trying to hurt you, thinking there is more to come of it. So much drama and paranoia.

The fact it was addressed to dds dad would indicate this is something to do with your daughter.

I honestly find both your reactions s very strange indeed. It's a daft valentines card, addressed to your daughters dad. If it's not from your child or one of her mates or a silly prank I'll eat my own left foot.

Bluntness100 · 15/02/2019 17:28

Would nobody else be really upset to be suspected like this?

I'd not be upset, but I'd think it very strange and that my husband had lost the plot.

LetsSplashMummy · 15/02/2019 17:32

My DD was given a sticker/label maker for her 6th birthday by a friend, I wouldn't count out the 7 year olds, on label alone!

Parthenope · 15/02/2019 17:38

Why do you think it was intended to hurt you? I'd assume it was a prank, i guess we are different people and I'd immediately ask my daughter if she sent it and be amused

The way you and your husband are behaving is slightly odd. Keeping it a secret from the kids, sending them to your mums so you can discuss it and they don't know, thinking it's someone trying to hurt you, thinking there is more to come of it. So much drama and paranoia.

The fact it was addressed to dds dad would indicate this is something to do with your daughter.

I honestly find both your reactions s very strange indeed. It's a daft valentines card, addressed to your daughters dad. If it's not from your child or one of her mates or a silly prank I'll eat my own left foot.

Yes, this exactly. Your hell-or-high-water response to a silly, trivial prank is one of the oddest things I've read on Mn for quite some time, OP.

Honestly, what's more likely, that it's from some lust-crazed bunnyboiler who has decided your DH is destined for her and is signalling with a lipstick-stained Valentine her plans to break you up and keep him tied to a chair in her bedroom, or that it's some kids' prank and in some way related to your DD? Hmm

thecatsarecrazy · 15/02/2019 17:40

My dh opens my mail. I don't care as long as he tells me. It's when he chucks it on his desk and i find it weeks later I get annoyed

MillenialMum89 · 15/02/2019 17:43

Absolutely horrible and clearly sent to rattle the marriage. Don't fall for it.

Aridane · 15/02/2019 17:47

It was just a prank surely? Why would it be anything more sinister?

And, like Bertrand, I would be upset as your DP with you immediately assuming the worst and withholding the card pending investigation!

Bluntness100 · 15/02/2019 17:47

Honestly, what's more likely, that it's from some lust-crazed bunnyboiler who has decided your DH is destined for her

One who doesn't even know his name, but apparently mysteriously knows how to spell the daughters name.

It doesjt take miss marple to work out that a valentines card to dad saying from guess who is from.

CoolJule43 · 15/02/2019 17:53

People on these forums are often asked what their instincts tell them and the OPs instincts are telling them it was sent by someone to hurt them. This could well be correct.

I think it has been sent by a female adult and I would look close to home such as a neighbour who would probably know the correct spelling of your Dad's name and your address. How they addressed it was a deliberate act. They know your DH's name.

Somebody is playing very nasty games

Aridane · 15/02/2019 17:53

Aw bless your DD’s little cotton socks! (perhaps)

CoolJule43 · 15/02/2019 17:54

Oops! DD's - not Dad's.

NameWithChange · 15/02/2019 17:55

@AryaStarkWolf Completely agree! 😆

burblife · 15/02/2019 18:55

Are you sure it's not from school? From your DD?

The pre printed label makes me think it could have been done in school and the teacher has said just write your name plus dad on the address? Sounds like the kind of thing some teachers in my school would think was a cute idea.