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Original poster

To be annoyed that someone sent my hubby a valentine card.

196 replies

amethyst123 · 15/02/2019 11:45

Just that really, I'm home all day on maternity leave, post comes through the letterbox yesterday about lunchtime with a red envelope looking suspiciously like a valentine card I turn it over and see my 7 year old dd's name looking closer I see it says to dd's dad followed by our exact address the label has been printed so no handwriting. So I open it (like you do) and it is a valentine card with big love hearts saying be mine, inside is just a big question mark in pink lipstick.
Am I right to be annoyed that someone would sent a happily married man with three kids a valentine card?
I'm thinking that they don't even know him as they didn’t put his name on the envelope but they obviously know the name of one of our children, also our dd's name is spelt unusually so unless they knew her they would probably spell it the usual way but they got the spelling right so they clearly know her name but not his. So then I'm thinking is it a mom from school or a teacher? It can't be someone we know or close to us as they would have put his name on the card surely even if it was only his first name. I really don't think he is having an affair and again even if he was why make the card out to dd's dad?
It can't be one of dd's friends as they are only 7 and surely not clever enough to print a label, find a first class stamp and post it without anyone knowing. It could be someone playing a joke but again why put to dd's dad on the envelope? Plus it's not very funny when your hormonal and suffering sleepless nights with a baby.
Sorry for ranting but I have been up all night thinking about it.
Does anyone have any suggestions please?

OP posts:
thecatsthecats · 15/02/2019 13:05

I'd be tempted to wave it around on the school run:

"Hahaha, this is so weird, did anyone else's husband get one of these? She doesn't even know his name, what a bunny boiler! Maybe it's a silly prank by a kid. Still, hope no one at the school is just giving out addresses."

LemonTT · 15/02/2019 13:06

I don’t think the opening of the mail is the issue. People do that in relationships. But why on earth stick it in your handbag and “wait” for his response.

Someone is potentially making mischief or worse. Directed to your husband. Talk to him like a normal adult without all this added drama.

I would also say that without knowing who did it, annoyance can’t be directed anywhere. So it’s wasted. I would be mildly concerned that’s it.

Talk to him and apologise if he is annoyed by your lack of trust.

Original poster
amethyst123 · 15/02/2019 13:07

Thank you for your replies I will of course show DH he will probably laugh it off then be all big headed for a while at the thought of someone having a crush on him, then panic that he has a mad stalker.
My plan was to wait a few days and see if anyone made a remark but I will scrap that plan now.
I think the fact that they used my child's name was what really upset me and made it feel personal and like someone else said what if she had opened it! I don't want the kids to think someone is trying to break up our happy home.
I will go pick my kids up from school later with a big smile on my face and pretend I'm not bothered.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 15/02/2019 13:08

You do know that opening mail addressed to anyone else is actually illegal

No it isn't.

Adora10 · 15/02/2019 13:11

Pretty sure it is illegal soup.

Having said that, this is all getting a bit ridiculous, we posted cards to older guys when adolescents, never even thought if they were married or not, it was for a giggle, no malicious intent whatsoever.

Just show him it and then bin and forget. He has an admirer on V Day, big deal.

spanishwife · 15/02/2019 13:13

Oh god don't do the school run thing you will look absolutely unhinged. Having no reaction at all is the best reaction to stupid things like this.

FuzzyShadowChatter · 15/02/2019 13:14

I do think using the child's name would creep me out too, but I'm leaning towards the idea that it's another child or teen for a laugh.

The label isn't really hard to do or take much time with some printers and that plus just having a question mark does make it seem like they're hiding the penmanship to make them harder to trace, which sounds more like a kid/teen trying not to get caught than an actual admirer.

Hope you both have a good laugh about it.

NannyRed · 15/02/2019 13:14

@SouDragon

forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=2996652

Yes it fucking is!

Please check it out yourself, using the internet isn’t hard! Opening their people’s mail IS illegal.

DadDadDad · 15/02/2019 13:16

It's NOT illegal to open someone's post unless certain conditions apply. Here's Section 84 of the Postal Services Act 2000:

A person commits an offence if, intending to act to a person’s detriment and without reasonable excuse, he opens a postal packet which he knows or reasonably suspects has been incorrectly delivered to him.

So, if it's incorrectly delivered to your address AND you are acting to someones's detriment AND you've don't have a good excuse THEN you are breaking the law.

DamonSalvatoresDinner · 15/02/2019 13:16

I agree that it's probably a big sister of one of your DD's school friends. Maybe even a few of them having a laugh. It's silly teen sort of messing about, especially with the lipstick question mark. No adult would ever do that.

Don't take it to school. You'll just look daft and paranoid. You'd look like an upset wife trying to track down her husband's mistress and you'll not get answers, it'll just result in gossip being spread about you.

As for not opening each other's mail, I don't get that. DH and I wouldn't think twice about it. We usually hand it over unopened but it's not a big deal if I open DH's and put an appointment of his on the calendar and tell him. Same goes for him opening mine. We don't really get "private" mail that the other can't know about because we know everything about each other's lives.

Crustaceans · 15/02/2019 13:16

I would honestly assume it was one of your DD’s friends (or a sibling) rather than a school run mum etc. The use of lipstick etc seems very childish, and they’d presumably know how to spell your DD’s name and where she lives. Plus, only a child would think addressing someone as DD’s dad was a sensible thing to do. I’m not sure that printing a label, sticking a stamp on it and posting it is beyond a child.

dashitauntagatha · 15/02/2019 13:17

Hilarious that people are berating OP for the illegality of opening mail that wasn't sealed properly and wasn't even addressed to him BY NAME and was clearly a valentine's card to boot. But yeah - somebody call the police...

OP - you are making it weird by hiding it. Show it to him, have a laugh and move on and hope no strange stalkers present themselves in the future!

Serialweightwatcher · 15/02/2019 13:18

Who gives a toss whether it's illegal or not, possibly some woman is after someone else's husband ... maybe it should be illegal to blatantly go after a married man

pissedonatrain · 15/02/2019 13:18

Good grief. it may be illegal but how many people actually file charges when their spouse opened their mail. Try to stick to the issue of someone sending him the card instead of something so irrelevant.

DadDadDad · 15/02/2019 13:21

@NannyRed - I can't believe your idea of internet research is to link to another forum where a range of people with unknown credentials argue over whether or not it is illegal. What does that prove? Shock

Can anyone point to actual action by the police, let alone a prosecution, under the above Act that shows how the courts interpret this offence, because otherwise it is pretty clear to me, that simply opening someone's post is NOT enough to commit offence?

Onemansoapopera · 15/02/2019 13:23

MN has gone fucking mad.

DadDadDad · 15/02/2019 13:24

Oh, yes, I agree that your relationship is in trouble if legality is the test of whether you should do something or not! Grin

It's just people always peddle this myth that opening others' post is illegal and it annoys me!

NannyRed · 15/02/2019 13:30

@DadDadDad here, try this Sun link, www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/3444035/opening-someone-elses-ex-mail-illegal-prison/

No matter, opening someone else’s mail IS Illegal.

SlightlyMisplacedSingleDad · 15/02/2019 13:31

"I stuffed the card in my handbag and didn't tell hubby about it, wanted to see if he mentioned anything about post first or acting suspiciously. He didn't though just came in from work with a card and gift for me."

This, more than the opening of the post, is what the problem is with the OP's approach. Having opened it, she hid it and decided to 'test' her husband. That's what isn't okay. He has done nothing wrong. She does owe him an apology.

NannyRed · 15/02/2019 13:33

@DadDadDad , hardly a myth but I now presume you like to open your oh mail

To be annoyed that someone sent my hubby a valentine card.
FinallyHere · 15/02/2019 13:34

I do feel like this might have been done to hurt me

If only it is all about you, all you have to do is laugh and shrug it off and you have won

As much younger women, we used to send anonymous valentine cards to any men at work whose used to fancy themselves a bit of a Casanova. To laugh at them when they preened and tried to find out who it was from. Could DH possibly be in that category ?

NannyRed · 15/02/2019 13:35

Ugh, I attached wrong pic first time.

To be annoyed that someone sent my hubby a valentine card.
squeaver · 15/02/2019 13:35

It's a teenager. Your dd must have a friend with an older sister or something.

It's a bit odd that you didn't immediately mention it to your dh. Btw, is he very attractive? The type that e.g. teenagers might go for?

Aridane · 15/02/2019 13:36

was on the school run yesterday and this morning looking at the colour of other moms lipstick. I'm driving myself mad

Yep - that way madness lies

WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 15/02/2019 13:36

Not rtft

I remember years ago now my Dad got one in the post . My Mum of course opened it . Was a Valentines Card. She positioned it on top of the mirror we had in the kitchen at the time and wrote in red lipstick You Bastard . (I clearly recall this day).
Dad comes home to her tirade , "I bet it was that , with her long red nails" etc etc . Turns out it was actually a joke sent by one of his friends/colleagues but Mum would have walked . Certainly a silly joke as friend found out after !
Could it be that OP ?