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Original poster

To be annoyed that someone sent my hubby a valentine card.

196 replies

amethyst123 · 15/02/2019 11:45

Just that really, I'm home all day on maternity leave, post comes through the letterbox yesterday about lunchtime with a red envelope looking suspiciously like a valentine card I turn it over and see my 7 year old dd's name looking closer I see it says to dd's dad followed by our exact address the label has been printed so no handwriting. So I open it (like you do) and it is a valentine card with big love hearts saying be mine, inside is just a big question mark in pink lipstick.
Am I right to be annoyed that someone would sent a happily married man with three kids a valentine card?
I'm thinking that they don't even know him as they didn’t put his name on the envelope but they obviously know the name of one of our children, also our dd's name is spelt unusually so unless they knew her they would probably spell it the usual way but they got the spelling right so they clearly know her name but not his. So then I'm thinking is it a mom from school or a teacher? It can't be someone we know or close to us as they would have put his name on the card surely even if it was only his first name. I really don't think he is having an affair and again even if he was why make the card out to dd's dad?
It can't be one of dd's friends as they are only 7 and surely not clever enough to print a label, find a first class stamp and post it without anyone knowing. It could be someone playing a joke but again why put to dd's dad on the envelope? Plus it's not very funny when your hormonal and suffering sleepless nights with a baby.
Sorry for ranting but I have been up all night thinking about it.
Does anyone have any suggestions please?

OP posts:
RomanyQueen1 · 15/02/2019 12:31

Gosh you have issues, and I'd go mad if you'd opened my mail.
You obviously don't trust him.
Most women would laugh and make a joke of it, is there some reason you can't trust him?

lottielady · 15/02/2019 12:33

Teenager with a crush, for sure.

Original poster
amethyst123 · 15/02/2019 12:33

Yes I do open my husbands post sometimes usually with his permission otherwise the post builds up on the side and things like bills don't get paid. He wont mind at all. I do plan on telling him I was just going to leave it a few days and see if anyone mentioned anything first. If it had his name on I probably wouldn't have been so suspicious.

OP posts:
TortoiseLettuce · 15/02/2019 12:34

I can only assume that the sender knows DD and knows her address but doesn’t know DH. That narrows it down significantly. Is it possible that she (or he) doesn’t know the other kids and doesn’t know he’s married?

School mums wouldn’t know your address. So it must be school staff or if DD goes to any clubs possibly their staff? I’d mention it to school because it’s not acceptable if someone has looked up your address to pester DH.

NataliaOsipova · 15/02/2019 12:34

It’s a joke. Possibly from a teenager (as others have said!), but absolutely a joke. Someone has a (harmless) crush on him and has been egged on to do it for a bit of fun.

PregnantSea · 15/02/2019 12:35

ugh... that is vomit-inducing. OP, I wouldn't worry about this. Whoever has sent this is a pathetic loser. Show it to DP and have a good laugh about it. Maybe he can even help you figure out who it's from? Then you can have a good old chuckle to yourself every time you see her.

Hedgehogblues · 15/02/2019 12:36

I'd just laugh to be honest

pumpastrotter · 15/02/2019 12:36

I can't believe people are getting so het up about OP opening a card - it was clearly a valentines card, it's not like she opened his bank statement (which in any case, some couples are fine with).

OP I'd be annoyed too but you should just show your husband, if you trust him just take it as a joke between the two of you. I'd be inclined to think like another PP and think it was an older sibling of one of DD's friends.

reallyanotherone · 15/02/2019 12:38

Was it his mother?

I am always suprised here at the amount of children/adults who get valentines from their mum.

Margot33 · 15/02/2019 12:38

I think it was a teenager.

Parthenope · 15/02/2019 12:40

It's a (rather poor, but Valentine's Day isn't known for quality mirth) joke, from someone who clearly doesn't even know your DH's name. It sounds exactly like a teenager with a crush. I wouldn't give it another thought, and I'd be asking myself seriously why I'd opened my husband's mail when it clearly wasn't a bill, and why I was so suspicious I hadn't even shown him to laugh about it.

Newishhname · 15/02/2019 12:40

As other posters have said this is a joke. Probably a young teenager (teen sibling of dds friend?). I remember writing valentines cards with my friends to the teacher as a joke when I was just 7, but posting something and putting lipstick on the card sounds like an older child.
I'd have been mildly annoyed and then laughed it off with DP

whoamitojudge · 15/02/2019 12:41

Well? What did he say?

RiverTam · 15/02/2019 12:43

yuck. And not just yuck at sending a married man a valentine but putting your DD's name on the card, dragging her into it as well - what if she'd opened it?

(and yes, damn right I would have opened it.)

sillysmiles · 15/02/2019 12:44

I find it more bizarre that you haven't told him than anything else.

Clearly it's either a joke or a crush. Neither thing are anything he can control.

The other alternative is that he has a stalker and you are preventing him from him from being aware of the situation.

Tell you husband and stop over thinking it If you have no reason not to trust him (and this is not a reason not to trust him) I don't get why you are not telling him and having a laugh about it and why you are obsessing about it.

RelaisBlu · 15/02/2019 12:45

I don't understand why you haven't shown your husband the card and discussed it with him?

thedogattacksthetissuebox · 15/02/2019 12:46

Me and dh open each other's mail. Not a big deal.

It's very weird op that someone did that. I would show dh though and ask.

trancepants · 15/02/2019 12:46

Are you friends with any of the other school parents? If so, I'd bring the card along at pick up and show it to them, where other people can see you. Treat it like it's pathetically hilarious. Laugh about it, show it to anyone who seems interested. Make a big deal about how stupid and ridiculous it is and how it gave you and your DH a great laugh last night. If the sender is at the school it should send them a clear message to back off and let them know you consider them sill rather than some kind of threat to your marriage.

WoollyMummoth · 15/02/2019 12:50

Lots of knickers in a twist over opening dhs post . Me and dh have always done it, it’s usually bills anyway and we’ve nothing to hide so why not.

Re the card, whoever sent it is an idiot. Try not to give it headspace and cuddle your dh in the knowledge he’s all yours.

Imstickingwiththisone · 15/02/2019 12:53

Don't do what trance pance said that would be embarrassing. Everyone would see right through it and I'd be a bit pissed off if I thought you were trying to gauge my reaction under suspicion.

Show your DH and laugh about it. Also DH should know as if there has been someone overfriendly with him in what he thought was a harmless way, he can send massive fuck off vibes at them now.

I'd hate for my friendliness to be interpreted that I'm up for it if mystery person thought I'd received the card and still seemed keen.

clairemcnam · 15/02/2019 12:55

I suspect very much that this is a child who sent it. Maybe a 12/13 year old girl. One of my friends did this to a neighbour she had a crush on at this age. And the give away is not knowing his name but knowing the kids name. An adult can easily find out the name of another adult discreetly.

Abouttimemum · 15/02/2019 12:56

I open my husband’s mail and he opens mine, we’re married and have nothing to hide. Whoever gets in first checks the post.

If this situation was the other way round, I’d be mortified if I found out my husband was secretly tying himself up in knots over a stupid card that clearly means nothing. I’d like to think he trusts me and would have told me straight away so I could say it was nonsense, we could both laugh about it and then throw it away.

You’re not being unreasonable to be annoyed by it but you should have told DH straight away!

MrPoppysGF · 15/02/2019 12:56

Doesn't sound like the actions of an adult - a big lipstick question mark. (!) Ask DH - he will know if anyone has given him that 'vibe'.

DH and I don't mind each other opening post. I open most mail inc DH bank statements, nothing would be actioned otherwise. Have done for 30 years. Wouldn't open an obvious card though, birthday etc.

clairemcnam · 15/02/2019 12:57

And personally I think boundaries are important and opening each others mail is a no no. People in relationships are still entitled to privacy.

CountFosco · 15/02/2019 13:02

You do know that opening mail addressed to anyone else is actually illegal

Yeah, and I'm also sure that no woman has ever been prosecuted for opening a Valentine's card addressed to her husband. FFS, missing the point much?

OP I think the suggestion of an older sibling of a friend of DD is the most likely. But whatever either put it in the recycling and don't think about it again or show your DH and laugh about it with him. Don't let it trouble you, it's clearly just a crush and not something to worry about.