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Original poster

To be annoyed that someone sent my hubby a valentine card.

196 replies

amethyst123 · 15/02/2019 11:45

Just that really, I'm home all day on maternity leave, post comes through the letterbox yesterday about lunchtime with a red envelope looking suspiciously like a valentine card I turn it over and see my 7 year old dd's name looking closer I see it says to dd's dad followed by our exact address the label has been printed so no handwriting. So I open it (like you do) and it is a valentine card with big love hearts saying be mine, inside is just a big question mark in pink lipstick.
Am I right to be annoyed that someone would sent a happily married man with three kids a valentine card?
I'm thinking that they don't even know him as they didn’t put his name on the envelope but they obviously know the name of one of our children, also our dd's name is spelt unusually so unless they knew her they would probably spell it the usual way but they got the spelling right so they clearly know her name but not his. So then I'm thinking is it a mom from school or a teacher? It can't be someone we know or close to us as they would have put his name on the card surely even if it was only his first name. I really don't think he is having an affair and again even if he was why make the card out to dd's dad?
It can't be one of dd's friends as they are only 7 and surely not clever enough to print a label, find a first class stamp and post it without anyone knowing. It could be someone playing a joke but again why put to dd's dad on the envelope? Plus it's not very funny when your hormonal and suffering sleepless nights with a baby.
Sorry for ranting but I have been up all night thinking about it.
Does anyone have any suggestions please?

OP posts:
Parthenope · 15/02/2019 14:25

Actually, that wouldn't really fit though. It does sound like an adult has done this.

But it would fit with an adult doing it as a joke on behalf of a child, and would explain why he/she didn't know the OP's DH's name, but knows the spelling of their DD's unusual name. I don't suppose they thought for a moment that even the most possessive wife would be another other than mildly amused/curious.

ShadyLady53 · 15/02/2019 14:25

All those people saying this was a prank and the op is overreacting...

This is exactly the kind of thing my Dad’s former mistress would have done. She first laid eyes on him unloading shopping out the car as she went to school opposite our home when she was 16 and told her mates “she was gonna land that minted guy one day”. She became my babysitter and got a job at my Dad’s work. Befriended my mum. Befriended my Mum’s best friend. My Dad was totally in the wrong and Did finally sleep with her when she was 25 but she calculated the whole thing beforehand and would constantly do things early on for years to poison my Mum’s attitude towards my Dad. She involved me from aged 7 in things in an attempt to squeeze out my mum. This kind of thing would have been right up her street in the early days - “I fancy your husband and know your daughter and you have no idea who I am”. She loved to play mind games and ruin special occasions.

So please don’t minimise OPs feelings. She may be right that someone is out to hurt her and she may already have a specific person in mind. Some people are really sick and it is extremely sick to send a mystery valentine to a married father of three with a wife who has just given birth whilst also bringing a child into it. It’s not at all funny.

winsinbin · 15/02/2019 14:26

It’s one thing to open your husbands mail. I think that fairly common in a lot of marriages. If you are both ok with it I don’t see that as a problem. But to then keep it from him is controlling. It’s his post, you have no right to decide when he gets to see it. Once you had opened it you should have left it out for him to see when he came home. And to open up an online discussion about it when he has no knowledge of it is dreadful. Total strangers are able to debate the situation whilst your husband is left in the dark.

EstrellaDamn · 15/02/2019 14:32

God, can we let the legal thing go?

Let's assume the husband isn't going to report the OP for opening a stupid Valentines card Confused

Sowing747 · 15/02/2019 14:35

YANBU!!

Hide the card, nip it in the bud and move on.

DarlingNikita · 15/02/2019 14:38

I'd say something light like 'Who on earth sent you this?!'

I'm sure it's innocuous but I can understand why you're finding it weird.

Renster · 15/02/2019 14:40

Sorry Nanny but DadDadDad has a point. It’s illegal IF you open it with bad intentions, AND without reasonable excuse. You seem to be ignoring the actual definition, and only seeing the words IT IS ILLEGAL. Even your circling of the text blanks it out. So, if you open it thinking it might be a bill that needs paying urgently, you WOULD NOT be acting illegally as you would be actually doing that person a favour. An example of ILLEGALLY opening others mail would be if they get sent a circular offering them a loan, and you took one out pretending to be that person. Whatever, the mens rea would be for a court to decide.
Very few things in legal land are cut and dried, that is what the courts are there to decide.

aliceandkids77 · 15/02/2019 14:46

Of course you have a right to be annoyed, hell, I'd be fuming lol! Maybe you should talk to your hubby and see if he knows who sent it? I'm sure it is just a very not-funny joke sent by a secret admirer, annoying and disrespectful but nothing to worry about. wish you all the best doll x

TheInnerVoice · 15/02/2019 14:46

Oh for the people bleating on about opening someone’s mail, do get a bloody grip.

That aside though OP, the fact that you kept the card to yourself to gauge his reaction/whether he would say anything is telling to me. Do you have doubts about your relationship currently? Because to me that is the only reason why you would keep the card to yourself if you didn’t know that you and your dh are secure iyswim.

Bluntness100 · 15/02/2019 14:47

I find your reaction of hiding it, and not mentioning it very odd and rather disturbing, why wouldn't you just give it to him immediately? Personally I'd have ribbed my husband mercilessly over it.

I'd have assumed your daughter sent it, did the labels at school. Sounds like a school girl prank to me.

MostlyBoastly · 15/02/2019 14:50

Not a teacher - primary school teachers don’t own lipstick because they work all hours and they’ve long since used it for phonics practice on the bath with their own children.

School mum? Either that, or it’s all a clever ruse to throw you off the scent. Oh god, or a peer of one of your children!

Bluntness100 · 15/02/2019 14:51

Op, just leave it out and say it came today, not that you've been hiding it since yesterday, because that's just weird.

LaughingCow99 · 15/02/2019 14:53

What actually right do you have to open his mail? If you had given it to him you could have Sussed his reaction and laughed it off.

It's a valentine's Day card with lipstick written on it, very clichéd. I can't believe you really think a mature woman, and an actual threat to your family, would do this.

The person didn't even use his name, I really can't believe you feel threatened.

MostlyBoastly · 15/02/2019 14:59

Oh god some couples open each other’s mail! Get over it!

So he’s not a stunner. He’s a grower - someone you need to know before he seems attracted. And yet it’s someone who doesn’t even know his name? Maybe a joke. It’s not especially funny, but...

Islathepaella · 15/02/2019 15:35

Are some of these replies for real? Fgs you’d think she opened a letter addressed to her DH from fucking MI5

It was a half opened blatant valentines card addressed to ‘DD dad’. Not even his actual name! (Which I too would think was weird!) As other people have said me and DP open each other’s post and if I was in the same position I’d have opened the card and joked about it with him when he was home.

As you say OP just ask him tonight, I wouldn’t bother waiting any longer otherwise he may think you don’t trust him and be annoyed you’ve worked yourself up over it etc. Hope you’re okay and don’t think anymore into it Smile

Rubicsboob · 15/02/2019 15:57

I open DH's mail all the time because he's so scatty nothing would get done otherwise (and yes, I know it's "wifework" to be replying to letters from his family etc but I pick my battles and that's not one I've picked).
If he got a VD card (especially like the one described in the OP, i.e. not a serious one) I'd show him and take the piss and it would just become a joke. Agree with PPs that your secretive response is more of an issue than the card itself.
In fact, I do have an ex-colleague who I haven't been in contact with for about 6 years apart from a cheesy e-card (with no attempt to be anonymous) every VD. My DH knows and just rolls his eyes and laughs at it. I suppose I could ask the guy to stop but I think he had a bit of a learning disability, and he lives in another town, we're never going to cross paths again IRL, so I just ignore it.
OP it's probably either a joke / from a child / from someone who struggles with social norms and appropriateness / from some irrelevant shit stirrer that your DH has no interest in. Neurotypical adults who are seriously pursuing an affair with another adult don't send childish, anonymous cards to the house the object of their affection shares with his wife.

Nc1548 · 15/02/2019 16:12

OP didn't ask about opening the card, would people stop offering unwanted advice or make a formal complaint about her vicious crime to the appropriate authorities?

OP, does DD have a best friend that could have chosen your DH as her 'valentine'? No malicious intentions in children, sometimes they come up with silly ideas and the parents may have helped not thinking of the confusion it would create.
The other day I was asking my DS who he wanted to invite for his birthday party and he said the next door neighbour (who is not a child). Could it be something silly and innocent?

DBML · 15/02/2019 16:15

I open my husbands post all the time. He doesn’t mind and I don’t care if he opens mine.

To be honest I’d bin the card now and forget about it.

Original poster
amethyst123 · 15/02/2019 16:24

Ok so DH finished work early as it's Friday so I dropped the kids around my mum's after school as don't want them to know.
I confessed all to DH when he got back and I could tell by the confused look on his face that he didn't know who it was from. At first he was flattered but then a little creeped out at the way it was addressed to DD's dad and that they knew the unusual way we spell her name. He wasn't bothered that I opened it he said he would have done the same if it was the other way around round as it did seem odd.
After some discussion we agreed to just bin it and keep it to ourselves in the hope that it was just a silly prank, not a stupid crush or someone trying to cause trouble. Although we did agree that it's probably not the end of it as why would anyone go to all that trouble for nothing. The person will have to out themselves at some point or it was all pointless surely?
Anyway thank you for all your opinions it really helped (well maybe not the one's that called me abusive and controlling) I'm not at all, but maybe I do have trust issues, anyway it did make me realise I hadn't been fair to DH and that I can't just go off on one and play detective on my own. If anything it just made me appreciate what I have and a silly card that was probably intended to hurt me isn't going to break up our happy little family.

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 15/02/2019 16:31

Maybe you should keep it just incase it does become more stalkerish (I'm sure it won't but just in case)?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 15/02/2019 16:38

Great update, thanks for letting us know.

Agree with bin it and move on.

MummyofTw0 · 15/02/2019 16:40

Ignore the people that have commented you being abusiive or controlling

That's ridiculous

You handled this well x

BertrandRussell · 15/02/2019 16:44

I have to say that if my partner was suspicious of me and went all detective because of something like this I would be incredibly shocked and very hurt.

NameWithChange · 15/02/2019 16:46

Are you sure the school didn't do it for your DD?

AryaStarkWolf · 15/02/2019 16:47

Are you sure the school didn't do it for your DD?

With a lipstick kiss in it? That would be weird