To be annoyed that someone sent my hubby a valentine card.

[amethyst123]

Just that really, I'm home all day on maternity leave, post comes through the letterbox yesterday about lunchtime with a red envelope looking suspiciously like a valentine card I turn it over and see my 7 year old dd's name looking closer I see it says to dd's dad followed by our exact address the label has been printed so no handwriting. So I open it (like you do) and it is a valentine card with big love hearts saying be mine, inside is just a big question mark in pink lipstick.
Am I right to be annoyed that someone would sent a happily married man with three kids a valentine card?
I'm thinking that they don't even know him as they didn’t put his name on the envelope but they obviously know the name of one of our children, also our dd's name is spelt unusually so unless they knew her they would probably spell it the usual way but they got the spelling right so they clearly know her name but not his. So then I'm thinking is it a mom from school or a teacher? It can't be someone we know or close to us as they would have put his name on the card surely even if it was only his first name. I really don't think he is having an affair and again even if he was why make the card out to dd's dad?
It can't be one of dd's friends as they are only 7 and surely not clever enough to print a label, find a first class stamp and post it without anyone knowing. It could be someone playing a joke but again why put to dd's dad on the envelope? Plus it's not very funny when your hormonal and suffering sleepless nights with a baby.
Sorry for ranting but I have been up all night thinking about it.
Does anyone have any suggestions please?

And stop stealing post!

The OP sounds abusive here actually. Opening someone else’s mail is one thing. But not telling them and testing their reactions is controlling and abusive.

If the OP had posted that her DH had done this to her, there would be a strong reaction.

opening someone else’s mail IS Illegal.

Only if you are acting to the person's detriment and without reasonable excuse. It says that right underneath the bit you highlighted.

It's NOT illegal to open someone's post unless certain conditions apply.

Which is fortunate, otherwise every administrator and secretary in the country would be breaking the law every day. Last admin position I had, my first job of the day was opening everyone's mail and distributing it around the different departments. Unless it was marked P&C I just went through everything.

NannyRed, I open DH's post all the time and he is absolutely fine with it.

I am home most days when the postman comes and I just tend to open any post. If something is obviously a birthday card I don't. I also may not if it is marked "private".

DH always laughs though if I hand him any post and asks why I didn't open it (unless it is a card).

I would be quite happy for him to open my post too. We have no secrets from each other.

@amethyst123

Could your partner have sent it to himself OP?

Did it come in the post? Or did someone push it through?

I have known several cases of men engineering situations - involving encounters with other women/crushes etc, that turn out to be exaggerated and fake. One man even sent himself flowers to make his wife jealous, because he was irked that she had been talking to a male neighbour for more than ten minutes.

If it WAS genuinely someone else, it probably was a teenage girl. Only a teenager (or someone with the mentality of one) would send a Valentine's card to a married man. Not in over a quarter century with my DH has he ever had a Valentine's card from another woman. (Not that I know of haha.)

Re opening peoples post, I don't think it's illegal unless you plan to do something dodgy with it (like using someone else's new credit card, or stealing their bank details etc,) but it's not OK to do it unless the other person is OK with it.

Abusive, really? @zippey that's quite a leap you have made there.

Yes I admit I do owe DH an explanation to my reaction, my postnatal hormones and sleep deprivation made me suspect he was up to no good when he hasn't actually done anything wrong. I hate that someone has made me feel this way.

No I don't think he would send it to himself and put our DD's name on the envelope-that's weird.
And no his not super attractive I fell for his sense of humor not his looks.

If it had his name on I probably wouldn't have been so suspicious.

Surely having his name on it would make it more suspicious?

Putting DD’s dad, means it’s almost certainly from a child/teen. Lots of kids have label makers nowadays.

My plan was to wait a few days and see if anyone made a remark but I will scrap that plan now.

What do you think they'd say? To you, or to him?

That plan doesn't make any sense... if anyone makes a sly card reference to him he's going to be a bit baffled and forget about it, because he didn't get the card and doesn't know about it.

Nobody will mention it to you because you weren't supposed to see it, presumably.

That’s really horrible. I would feel the same. I don’t think it’s anything to worry about on terms of your DH though. Some people are just rotten.

Urgh tacky, just ask him outright and see what he says. I think if he was having an affair or anything legit going on then there's no way the OW would be brazen enough to send a card to the marital home, let alone with your DDs name involved. Must be a very bad joke from someone!

Maybe it was the same person that sent Tyrone one in corrie!

It will be a local teenage girl or woman who likes the look off your DH and/or wants to cause trouble in your home for fun. Throw it out, and don't let them get to you.

I hate that someone has made me feel this way.

Blame hormones if you wish, but you are being delusional if you think about is to blame for your reaction or than yourself. Nobody made to a) hide b) mistrust c)overanalysis this other than yourself. Take a step back and ask yourself what is it you are really worried about because if all of this is over a prank card then.........that is crazy.

*if you think anybody is to blame other than yourself

I think there is more to this story, OP says she suspects someone out to hurt her, do you have someone in mind OP?

Nobody is shouting call the Police for opening his mail but it was clearly for him so out of manners I'd have left it for him to open just like he opens all his other bloody mail.

OP, no offence but you do sound a tad over anxious, what is the state of the relationship, I think that may be important here.

Can't believe folk actually think this is a grown woman trying to steal a married man

Nanny - thanks for that link. Unfortunately, it just seems to be a Sun journalist's interpretation, so I don't think it gets us any further. He doesn't quote anyone with legal expertise on this particular offence. Indeed, he says

Although throwing it away may not be the same as peeking, most people (and more importantly, lawyers) could argue that binning the mail "delays" the post indefinitely, which is a crime.

So he talks about a situation which is not the same as opening the post (which he concedes) and then writes the weaselly "could argue" invoking hypothetical lawyers (those are the lawyers who are very cheap but obviously a bit hard to check their qualifications. ).

I honestly think I wouldn't mind something like this, but I'm not sleep-deprived and hormonal so it's easy for me to say.

OP when people throw around the word abusive by just opening post it really gets my hackels up!
It’s not abusive, nosey yes.

It could be from the OW( not saying hubby is cheating) it could be from someone trying or one that has tried propositioning him or it could be someone trying to cause problems between them.. she has a right to know. It’s not a bank statement or something personal and confidential as such!
Now OP show hubby the card and figure things out .. hope it’s just an immature ‘friend’ pulling a prank ..

Hugs to you 🌷

OP the only person responsible for your reaction and emotions is you. And this is said with upmost kindness. I would be unhappy if this happened to my husband, but the first thing I would do is call him and talk to him about it. You're building this up into more than it needs to be, and I suspect, like you say, there are baby hormones involved. Be good to yourself. Don't give it another moments thought. Don't let any of this have power over you. That's your choice.

That said. It's awful that someone has sent a card to a married father - especially as his wife has just given birth. I do feel for you. It's either someone young who doesn't really understand what they've done or someone really self centred and just pretty yuck xxx

I think it was reasonable to open it. They involved your daughter.

I think you should tell him asap. Perhaps he has an idea of who it is.

That said, YANBU, I think it's inappropriate to send a married person a Valentine's day letter.

Also if it's from someone's child as others have suggested that is just creepy honestly. Valentine's day is for romance, it's not friend appreciation day, or mother's day, father's day etc. So I would be annoyed too.

Does your DD have a little friend who loves your DH? In an entirely innocent way I mean. I know of one little girl who adores my DH, she would possibly have made him a card.....

Actually, that wouldn't really fit though. It does sound like an adult has done this.

Someone’s trying to stir up trouble between you and your DH.

Don’t rise to it.