Leaving abusive relationship tomorrow

[CarlosCarlos]

I'm in an emotionally abusive relationship. I've had to come home and act like everything is normal in order to get my documents and leave tomorrow when he is at work. He's playing with DS. It's a horrible feeling. He seems such a lovely dad in this moment. I'm going to tear his world apart. Women's aid said its common to feel like this. That the guilt isn't forever. But it feels like it will be.

They've advised me to leave a letter in the morning.

I feel like I'm being so deceptive by acting like things are okay.

Please keep me company.

@CarlosCarlos I'm sorry you can't find it, I know it must mean a lot to you! I definitely agree with PPs that the most important thing for you to do right now is get you and your DS out of the house. Perhaps you could buy DS the same teddy again, this time it will be a reminder to yourself that you and DS have a fresh start! Please let us know when you've left xx

I'm scared of his reaction. He doesn't know where I'm going. I'm scared he's going to freak out. Do I speak to him if he texts me? I literally don't know what to do.

Get yourself out safely first. If he texts you, then you can think about when to reply and what you want to say. You can just say that you and DS are safe and well. You will find it easier to think clearly once you are somewhere secure

Disable all location software on your phone. Get out. Leave you note. Turn your phone off.

Carlos, get yourself and your son out, away and safe that is the most important thing here.
Once you are safe you can speak to WA again and ask their advice.
Stay strong, you can do this.

Do I speak to him if he texts me?

No. Don't engage with him at all today. Do not tell him where you are.

As said above, disable any 'find my phone' software or similar on your phone, and then switch it off when you are safely where you are going.

Are you out yet? Please do it soon.

You can do this @CarlosCarlos we are all rooting for you.

Stay strong OP and good luck x

Are you going to your family? Do they know what's happening? I think you are incredibly brave and I'm rooting for you!

If it's a long journey, could someone meet you somewhere along the way even if it's just to get you where you're going in convoy?

Have you left yet?

OP you CAN do this, stay strong. ❤️

I'm at my friends.

I'm scared to even get a text from him. I'm scared his dad is going to go mad too. Hes never been violent why am I so nervous?

I feel sick. Going to buy a new teddy tomorrow. Don't know why the missing teddy upset me so much...

So glad to hear you are at your friends.

Now switch your phone OFF.

And breathe. Have a cry. Have a cuddle with DS. Have a hug with your friend. Have a chat. Have a glass of wine!

Well done @CarlosCarlos.

well done CarlosCarlos

that's the hardest step taken. You've got this.

Is it really the hardest step? I feel like it's going to get worse. Leaving my phone on in case he texts any sort of threats but I won't respond.

it is. Really. You've done that thing that you were most afraid of. Now you get to call the shots on what happens next.

Don't let him continue to take your power. Reading anything he sends you does just that. Turn your phone off and take care of you for a little bit. Your heart has been racing for so long; now you just breathe.

Please listen to us and switch your phone off. As said above you keeping it on because you're scared of him sending you threats is still him controlling you. And any texts he sends will still be there in the morning.

Just give yourself a few hours off.

Women have been tracked via their phones. Is all your location turned off? Do you have find my iPhone on there (if it's an iPhone)?
Does he know your passwords, could he find you through email/mumsnet/google etc.
Now get a new SIM card. New number.
Once you have done that then you have left him. Keeping the phone on and nearby is you keeping him in your life and possibly him finding you.
Good luck xx

@Carlos the teddy is representative of what you thought you had when your DS was born. Right now your and his safety are paramount. You can replace things. You can't replace your heart and your soul. Sounds like you've done absolutely the right thing by walking away. It's hard. I've done it. But I've done it for my DC. And I've done it for me. Strength, OP.

So pleased to see you have gone @CarlosCarlos couldn't have been easy but you did it! Keep looking forwards xx

Well done carlos
I echo what the others say turn your phone off, do not reply, do not engage.
Get some rest now if you can

Delighted for you that you've left. Turn your phone off and detach.

Please don't look at your son and feel SAD. You're doing the best thing for him. I left when my kids were tiny thank God and they're happy, confident and funny. We'd ALL be nervous wrecks if I hadn't left. xxxxx

The detachment is a vital part of this process to be honest. If you don't turn off your phone because you believe that you NEED to know what he's threatening then he has you on the hook still.

Get off the hook. It is torture to begin with I know.

You have left a note . Give yourself time to recover. Turn your phone off . Enjoy your freedom.

Be aware of things like where you withdraw cash is traceable if you have a joint account . If not change your passwords on everything.

Do look at changing your benefits . Long term are you staying with friend or looking for your own place . I would also inform nursery but keep ds’s off a couple bod days. Children are a great distraction

Phone off. Switch off. You are away and need to put a steel wall around yourself and your DS so he can no longer manipulate and abuse you.

You've done the hardest part. Now breathe.