Leaving abusive relationship tomorrow

[CarlosCarlos]

I'm in an emotionally abusive relationship. I've had to come home and act like everything is normal in order to get my documents and leave tomorrow when he is at work. He's playing with DS. It's a horrible feeling. He seems such a lovely dad in this moment. I'm going to tear his world apart. Women's aid said its common to feel like this. That the guilt isn't forever. But it feels like it will be.

They've advised me to leave a letter in the morning.

I feel like I'm being so deceptive by acting like things are okay.

Please keep me company.

The guilt is making me feel quite unwell, I can't cope with it.

I'm typing out what I'm going to write in the letter and crying my eyes out. All pure guilt.

He had this dream of doing his son's school runs. Playing football with him after school. Having him live in his house and doing breakfast together. Homework. Etc.

That's all going to be gone.

Ffs. This is horrid.

Good luck OP. You’re doing the best thing for you and your son.
Just a quick caution though, please make sure you clear your history and cookie cache tonight and turn off notifications

@MonoClue on my phone? He can't get on it.

Op, none of this is your fault. You are not 'tearing his life apart ' - he has abused you and you need to leave for the sake of yourself and your young son. Please try to keep focussed on that. He has brought this on himself.

😥

Anyone up?

I'm up

@everydaymum I'm scared

Of course you are. It's a massive, life changing step you're taking, but it's one to a better life.

I just hate feeling everything so deeply. Its awful.

You have these feeling because you're a good person. You're doing the right thing by you and by DS, that's what you need to keep in mind.

Thank you @everydaymum - sometimes I feel like life is easier if you're an arsehole :(

He's going to be devastated that he can't see his son

He shouldn't have abused his son's mother then. A child can't grow up safely and securely in that situation. Never mind what he wants - you're doing this to give your son a better future, not the imaginary rose tinted vision that his dad wouldn't have lived up to anyway.

Get a grip now. You know you're doing the right thing for you and your DC.

He's more likely to have another woman in there before the month is out. That's what abusers do - move on to the next victim.

@madroid trying to give my head a wobble but I'm struggling.

It's an old cliche but it is always darkest before the dawn. It feels scary now but once you leave things will slowly, slowly get better. As someone else said, this is all his own doing.

Hi darling, please don't feel guilty about this! It's in your best interests and your DS, you wouldn't want your child growing up seeing that and thinking it was normal.. no one would. You're doing amazingly well. Don't give up, leave in the morning and don't go back. You'll feel so much relief I swear it. You're incredibly strong and I admire that, I too feared leaving my X after he did unspeakable things to me but i felt so much better in myself after I left him and my (at the time) unborn baby was safe. We are both now thriving and my DD is so beautiful. You can do this OP

Well come on. Remember why you're doing this. You can do it. You are a strong capable person I'm sure. You sound very sensible and intelligent.

It's late, can you try to sleep?

@madroid I probably should but I can't, plus my son is awake (as always at this time!)

Stay focused. You are doing the right thing. The only right thing. Don't question that.

Sending you a strong back to lean on, but you don't really need it. You've got this.

@CarlosCarlos you've got this! xx

Oh god. I have to do this now... :(

Hand hold OP. Leave and move on to your brighter better future. Don't let your DS think abuse is normal. Good luck.

I only have a tiny car. What do I pack?
Passport. Birth certificates. Clothes...