Dating Thread 147 - Double Dating Anyone?

[TooOldForThis67]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

he's asked shall I pick you up.
Pub is in other direction(nearer him)what would you say. Is he trying to be gentlemanly or shall I say I will meet him there.
I'm so out of practice

That's exactly how I would approach it lifegoes. He may not know him that well, it could be entirely innocent. I would be suspicious too but I would personally want to investigate further if I felt I liked the person rather than dismissing it straight away.

(Having said that, I'm not the best person for listening to my gut either and it has frequently got me into trouble :)

life if you’re not going to just knock it on the head I would proceed with extreme caution as does sound suspicious.The sensible thing to me would be to trust your gut but I also know if it was me I would want to find out more!I also have been a nightmare at ignoring my gut and red flags in the past.

@CocoKoko123 @leonasa I think you are right. I need to maybe drop it into conversation. I see we have mutual friends of something similar and see what he says. Before I decide how to go ahead.

But my gut is saying this is too suspicious

user crikey there’s knocking a few years off (acceptable imo if they fess up early) and knocking off 11 or 12!

Born in 1957 means he’s 61 or 62 and for me that would be too big an age gap for me, I’m the same age as you. One of my FWB is 56 and that’s old enough for me, he also looks younger and acts younger and is fit and active. But then you’ve met him and I haven’t!

I’d also be meeting him there, he’s probably just being gentlemanly but for me safety wins over at least at the start until you’re more established.

@lifegoes I would swerve him I’m afraid, it seems too coincidental for me. He might be lovely and it might be a coincidence, but dating your ex’s mates (even if loosely mates) is too much for me.

@Batshit yes it is MFF. Nothing will happen on Friday but we will presumably decide whether we all want to go ahead with it. My feeling is that if I don't try something like this now, I never will. And I'm no spring chicken and they are younger than me. I will update after Friday.

I have found some nice designer denim jeans that I forgot about so I will wear them tonight with a black top. I wore a black dress for our first date so I want to wear something a bit different tonight.

@lifegoes I would knock it on the head as even if it isn't a set-up, it could cause problems later on.

@ user I get really annoyed when men knock years off their age, and then say that it is because they don't fancy women of their own age. I am always honest about my age, even though everyone says that I could knock years off it easily.

Wow this thread moves @lilyRose and all others interested I have said no to the threesome. The thing is we have only dtd once, he wants to involve someone he was FWB a while ago and I don’t know their history. It would be at his house (where I have never been) with him ( who I don’t know well) and with another women I have never met. I would be more inclined if he was suggesting us all meeting first etc
I am only 8 months out of my marriage and not used to casual sex. I think yes it could be fun but it could also hurt my self esteem if I felt like a third wheel. Decision made..phew

Thanks everyone. I'm on the fence with this one. I'm a bit miffed that if I hadn't asked I wouldn't have known. But he is six miles away in a little hamlet(just moved there,said he wants the quiet life) so nice and local.

will see how tomorrow eve pans out. Do offer to pay half? insist? or say I will pay next time(if there is one).

I remember rich saying dates were costing him a fortune a few threads back! What do the men on here think?

Thanks all for your thoughts. I'm going to ask the question see his reaction and then decide.

@user1466783975 I always offer to go half. If they decline I say I'll pay the next one.

Advice needed. Am meeting Mr Chemist from Fab for a drink with a view to being FWB. He has said in response to my questions that: he is married, works in my town all week, goes home at weekends, hasn't had sex with her for over three years; they are both sexually active outside the marriage; he wants a lover for weekdays. I am divorced and a free agent, and I don't - emphatically don't - want a relationship. I want a nice man as a lover. My biggest concern is that I can't substantiate his claim that she is OK with playing away. Should I take it further - assuming we fancy each other - or bin him?

lifegoes - Sorry if I missed this bit but how did this new chap contact you if it wasn't OLD? I wouldn't dismiss him out of hand, I'd have a date just for fun and ask him outright after he's relaxed and dropped his guard, if it is a set up. Might not be!
user - No man aged 62 would not have grey hair, so he dye's it? If he'd be driving out of his way to pick you up then I'd say no as it may be a ploy to come back for coffee sex.
Marlboro - Good call.
Cassettes - I guess if you're happy to have sex with a MM on a casual basis then what does it matter if she knows? I don't mean that as criticism.
So, Dan and Rich - Where are you guys? Hope all is well.

@TooOld he sent me a message on Instagram. Which I did think was random at the time, but realised we had mutual friends and lots in common, so didn't think anything from it. It was only when I started looking did I notice the conversation on Twitter between them both, it freaked me out

TooOld it matters a lot - I don't mind being an OW if everything is out in the open and the wife knows ie it's an open marriage, I don't want to be the OW who is dropped like a bombshell on some other woman's unsuspecting life. With a site like Fab, everyone - except me lol! - is attached, so there must be an answer to this?

lifegoes it sounds well creepy to me

@CassettesAreCool do you know his full name? Can you check him out on FB and perhaps see any pictures of his wife etc.

I agree mine does sound creepy and something not right.

Advice for me

I am child free tonight. Mr Substitute not free, he knew I was already dating someone and doesn't know I've binned them. But, I have left some property at previous irons house and he's invited me to collect them later (not valuable things) he's made it clear he's happy to be a FWB. Do I go?

@Warls I would go, collect the property and see how you feel when you get there. Assuming that you trust him not to do anything scary like refuse to let you leave until you have sex with him!

@Cassettes I would want more proof that his wife doesn't mind.

@user most men aged 62 have some grey hair, in fact I don't know any that have no grey hair. That alone would make me feel a bit squeamish. Total double standard as I dye my hair, but I couldn't fancy a guy that did the same.

@user1466783975 I try and always pay half because 9 times out of 10, I don't seem to feel much of an attraction and hate taking advantage. Plus my ex's ex used to use online dating just to get expensive nights out for free and I'm always wary of that image

Thanks life and lily, I will get his surname tonight and do some stalking. He is getting completely carried away so I think he may bin himself at this rate!

@CassettesAreCool typical of him. But I would def have a look on Facebook. Family pictures will be on there if any.

cassettes - I would bin. You only have his word for him being in an 'open marriage'.

user - I'd make my own way there. You then have the independence to leave when you want to.

Cassettes - Not sure which Fab site you are on. Are you looking for a ONS or FWB? I went out with a MM who I thought was leaving his wife yeah, right. So I'd never judge anyone who did now!.

Too right I don't want a man who dyes his hair! I haven't even shaved my legs since before Christmas as had no dates and we even had a laugh about that. I'm mega low maintenance and that's what he seemed to like?

I've just messaged and said will meet at the pub after all(after saying yes to him picking me up! ). The old me would give an explanation but now I know I don't owe it to anyone.

And will question his hair. And age

Oh cassette I don’t like the sound of that at all
User-braver than me 15 years is a lot - especially later

@user1466783975 you reminded me of a post I posted a few days ago. It's so true