Dating Thread 147 - Double Dating Anyone?

[TooOldForThis67]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Lovely TooOld - I'm glad it's all working out. Very envious of the good sex but have finally managed to arrange a proper dtd meet with a FWB - have an itch that badly needs scratching ...

Notcool is this the guy who remembered you from a previous date? I am for you

Hi batshit no this is the man I was seeing for the past 8 weeks. Who I came off the apps for. Fell for. And who pulled back on me this weekend with some waffle about not being able to tell his ex and kids in order to protect his relationship but also saying we needed to slow down and he couldn’t give me what I deserved right now, but would be able to in the future. My head is mashed as he def seems to love in a bedsit. But I think my instincts that the marriage isn’t over we’re spot on. And I feel stupid for ignoring it and allowing myself to fall for him. Introducing him to my kids etc.

The old date is just a funny story and a distraction from the pain I’m feeling.

He must be hedging his bets really shit for you, and he's an idiot.

Enjoy your date with Mr Didn't Forget, try and put that married twat out of your mind

TooOld This sounds like fate..
user sending positive vibes for 'gate date
I have managed to develop a massive spot on my chin just in time for tonight's date with Mr Maths. The joys of Perimenopausal skin.

@Notcoolmum What a twat, never amazes me how people can potentially lie and live with themselves. I think you had a lucky escape as you could have been wishing and hoping for a long long time

Morning all.
Great news tooold
notcool your iron’s behaviour is not cool!
After saying I was having a break from the apps I downloaded tinder again last night and was speaking to an old friend I grew up with who lives off my road,last spoke to him a few years ago on OLD.No potential for anything there as I just don’t fancy him but was a nice distraction, also someone with whom there was mutual attraction from school - again who i’d last spoken to in OLD a few years ago.he was over the top flattering though and didn’t ask to meet.
Hoping to meet with Mr Fab in next couple of weeks - our schedules seem out of sync for this week 😔
We shall see...

Thanks reject (reject the tossers!)

pop some concealer on and enjoy later. I've slapped on some serum for my perimenopausal skin but now look very shiny,help!

I have now changed my username from rejectedandworthless.Thankyou user

Fabswingers doesn't have an app, but does have a mobile friendly website.

Such a shame you can't date the thread... Sounds like there are a few of you like me - looking for something casual to "scratch the itch" (Loved that!) - but I guess if we found each other on Fab it might not be breaking the rules.... :)

Other dating sites: -
Plenty Of Fish. Can chat without matching, search for your own criteria, see who's local. Has a paid subscription - you can't see who "likes" you without paying. Some members only allow you to contact them if you have paid.

Blendr. Can chat without matching. Can see who is local. You can't set a distance on their pairing thing, which is a complete pain. I think it shares a database with another app (bumble maybe?) - beware of this if you are on more than one app! Has a paid subscription - you can't see who "likes" you without paying.

OKCupid. Can't chat without matching, but can send an "intro" to anyone that catches your eye. Can set search criteria. Has a paid subscription - you can't see who "likes" you without paying.

Tinder - hopefully you all know about this one!

HTH!

Oh @Notcoolmum this is awful. Just awful. I honestly know exactly how you feel right now.

This was my ex I was the OW but didn't know. He went on exactly the same way, makes you feel like the only woman, reels you in. Full of excuses and reasons. Yet gut just screens there's lies.

On the plus side, you have a guy who does rem you, and wants to see you Friday. 😘😘😘

@Marlboroandmalbec34 I saw an opening message (not sent to me) that said "if you were arrested what would your friends assume it was for". I have a friend who swears by just writing "Hello....how's your evening?".
I prefer to pick something from the profile or send a this or that message - coffee or tea, cats or dogs (but usually a little more imaginative)

@TooOldForThis67 great update

@Notcoolmum what a twat. I hope the one who remembered you so well is a whole lot better.

Thanks everyone. I’m reeling really. I can’t make sense of it.
I’ve asked him to meet me face to face. I want some closure before I move on. But he will probably try and wriggle out of it.

@Notcoolmum I am sorry to hear . He is clearly married. I can't understand why men do this and they are always the ones we always fall for.
I once matched with a man that said he was "technically still married but separated " . Needless to say he was unmatched 🙄

I have managed to get 2 dates without really trying. One from POF, one from Tinder. Both have been quite laid-back with the messaging. Maybe one or two a day but then days of nothing. But the messages have been interesting and I've learnt a lot about them.

First up, Mr Twin (because our life stories are uncannily similar). Meeting him for a coffee at the weekend.

Next, Mr Young - he's erm, 12years younger than me but comes across as a lot older. I'm not meeting him for 2 weeks because of life getting in the way.

@Notcoolmum so sorry about your situation, the guy is a total arse! I would hazard a guess and say he is still married too, if he defo lives in a bedsit maybe he is jsut going through a rocky patch in his marriage but not divorced or officially separated. Still not on either way!

@notcoolmum so sorry to hear that your guy turned out to be such a tosser. It is horrible when you start to fall for someone and they turn out not to be who they said they were.

@tooold wow!

So my second date with Mr Much Younger is tonight. I am having panics about what to wear as it is in a pub and quite a drive from me, so I want to wear something comfortable. I will wear black jeans and black ankle boots, but the best (most flattering) top I have is also black. I don't seem to have any flattering tops in nice colours that are warm enough for this time of year. I have some nice cashmere sweaters but they are a bit 'mumsy'. I will have a trying on session this afternoon and see if anything else works.

Mr Lifeguard seems to have gone quiet, but a rather nice Swedish guy has started talking to me on POF. He lives about 40 minutes drive away and is 10 years younger than me. Fingers crossed.

And finally my Fab date is tomorrow. I am still nervous about this. It is actually with a couple! I have always had a fantasy about this but now that it has a chance of being a reality I am not so sure. The date will just be a drink in a pub to see if we like each other, so no pressure.

Sorry notcoolmum, what a wanker. I doubt if you'll get any answers from him, these guys are just prolific and pathological liars.

I am waiting to see if Mr Beard replies to my message but his profile does say he isn't online very often. To be honest I don't really want that at the moment as dc are home and I want to focus on them. I'm going to a Meetup groups drinks evening on Saturday night and I can see some men are going. I don't know if anything will come from it but I need to work on my social skills. For example if someone asks me why I split up with stbexh I need to have a quick, polite answer that does not involve a fifteen minute monologue about what a wanker he is.

LilyRose all black is fine. I would say if it's flattering wear it. Or do you have a different colour of jeans to break it up?

Well out of the mad chaos that is Fab I have a meet for drinks tonight with Mr Chemist, seems like a lovely man (with a lovely voice - he called me at midnight!), very keen and very local. The itch may be scratched rather sooner than I was thinking!

Thanks. I knew he was married. But definitely believed him to be separated and in a position to move on. I was married for years before we divorced so I didn’t see that as a red flag. I did ask about his readiness to be dating but at that time I was multi dating and didn’t expect to fall for him. He always assured me they were over, there was no going back, but I knew he was maintaining a positive relationship with her for his children and his relationship with them. And that all sounded reasonable to me. My only niggle really was when he was busy Valentine’s evening and then ill that weekend so I made a few jokes about him being with his wife. Which led to the conversation on Sunday where he said he wanted to be open and clear about our expectations. But was clearly pulling back. And now I’ve spotted the ring. I want to speak to him face to face. But I accept it is probably over and I have unwittingly been the OW :(

Thank you for the tip @myoldbrain I am going to steal and try you’re friends line. I get so bored of the “hi how was your evening”

@notcoolmum he is a wanker and you can do better

Ooooh I have a Sunday date with a new iron Mr Q for coffee. He is very very handsome 😁

Still haven’t replied to Mr Big about the three some. Is it bad that I am considering it?

Good luck @cassettes

@lillyrose I love all black, maybe a bright lipstick?

Marlboro no harm in considering a threesome at all - you are a free agent and this is a great opportunity to explore

@Notcoolmum I'd be wary of meeting him for answers. I have a feeling it might just be more lies and you won't get the closure

I'm furious I can't believe the amount of men that use the line "separated" when their wife has no idea.

Do they have a website they all go on, for excuses to use. This is exactly the same lie I heard.

Don't beat yourself up for believing him, it's so easy to want to believe them and their lies sound plausible.

Keep focused on fridays date 😘

Oh NotCool I'm sorry, what an absolute wanker. It does sound like he is, if not completely still in the marriage, at least not completely out of it either. Such a horrible thing of him to do and you have dodged a bullet here, really.

Try and distract yourself with the guy that remembered you - that genuinely does sound quite good, quite impressive that he remembered those details after all this time!

I'm chatting to a couple of new irons, Mr GymNut probably not my type though, but had a long chat last night with a younger man (nine years) who is hot and seems really nice - I'll call him Mr Beard. He has asked me out already and wanted to do Saturday but I have plans so we're going to sort something for next week. Another guy I messaged also replied late but said he'd like to talk today.

I've also removed Mr Non-Monogamous from my Match queue, I had already but he had re-requested me to talk to me (!!) but honestly I don't need to see his face and if he's online every time I go on. Need to forget the idea that he might possibly come round as it's not helping me, and just remember he's been a bit of a tossed and I deserve more!!!

Hope everyone has a great day, TooOld very happy that your second chance has gone so well!

Morning.

user - How did the gate date go?
notcool - I'd want to have it out with him. Sounds like he's confused about what he wants. If he lives in a bedsit then there must be some truth to the separation. Luckily you have MrTeacher to distract you.
rejected - Good luck with the date tonight.
lonely - Thanks for the list and to anyone else that contributed. I'll get something up soon for the newbies. We did have a couple on here who broke the rules and last we heard they were still going strong.
MyOld - Good luck with the coffee date.
Lily - Love to hear someone pushing their boundaries. Can't wait to hear about the meet up with the couple. Good luck with MrMY tonight.
Cassettes - Going local is the way to go, in fact that's all I will do as I hate driving.
Marlb - Think you need to ask Lily! Lol.
Koko - Sounds like you are lining them up nicely! Have you heard from your ex at all?

Phew! Sorry if I've missed anyone. What a busy week.