Dating Thread 147 - Double Dating Anyone?

[TooOldForThis67]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

I agree.
I wouldn't sleep with someone before at least 10 dates.
As I think it's hard to to back to the public place dating once you have dtd.

How on earth do you reach this level of self control? 😳

Joking aside, I'm not sure about the ideal time to dtd. When I met bf we'd been chatting for over a month online and as stupid as it sounds by the time our first date rolled around I kind of felt like I was going to meet an old mate than going on a first date.
There was obvious sexual chemistry by the end of the date and although we didn't dtd we did get close and then ended up doing it on the second date.
It's never stopped us public place dating, and the naked post sex chats (especially in the early days) are probably when we delved a lot deeper into getting to know each other.
No way could I have waited 10 dates with him 🙈

I think I'd be concerned that either a) I invest a lot of time into getting to know someone/ build a relationship with them to find out they're shite in bed or b) I invest all that time into someone to find out they were just holding out for a shag then they bugger off.

I suppose my theory was more see how they treat me after we dtd......although saying that bf was the only guy I actually dtd with when I was OLD .... nobody else^^ made it past the first date 😬

I'm with wishywashy on this. I've had three long relationships that all started with sex on the first or second date. It's as important to me to be compatible in bed (have a voracious appetite ) as it is out of it. I would never wait until date 10 😳

In all cases with those relationships we continued to go out for dinner or to the cinema or away for holidays and weekend breaks.

Hello to the new daters 👋 and yay Auba that sounds great.

Love is it dtd time 😏😅

My ExH, I already knew as a friend /colleague etc. We DTD on the first date and it lasted 15+ years.

I used to care about appearances more when I was young. Now I'm happy to do whatever I'm happy to do. I trust my own judgement. Sometimes it might turn out not ideal, but I'm OK with that.

Not saying I would wait until date 10 but was thinking perhaps somewhere along the lines of 4 to 6. I guess it differs person to person, couple to couple.

I can't help thinking that the girl who I slept with a week ago on our first date may have got cold feet and blocked me might have been due to the sleeping with me that night.

I guess I'm just going to try it out as sleeping with someone 1 to 3 dates in within a week or two of having met this is not working for me.

I want whoever I am dating to know that I am not just in it for the sex, I want the commitment, a relationship, etc etc.

richdeniro I absolutely get your logic on this and where you’re coming from. And I think you may wonder what if you didn’t sleep with her on the first date? Would she still be around? Maybe she would or wouldn’t but you shouldn’t go changing who you are and what you believe in to suit the person you’re dating.

There have been times in the past where I’ve slept with someone quite quickly (never on the first date!) but dates 3 or 4 and they’ve always developed into longer term things. Maybe people’s mindsets change when they sleep together on the first date and thinking it’s only for sex and not going any further, whereas a few dates in you can tell if it’s going anywhere.

Most of the time when I go on dates I don't know these people we might have emailed and chatted on the phone but I don't know them.
So with that logic I'm not going to have sex with that stranger too soon.
Good date or not I just wouldn't feel comfortable.

And I never drink much to totally relax..
Yeh I'm too sensible.

@unique1986 there's absolutely nothing wrong with being sensible!
I think I'm quite good at separating sex from emotion when necessary so I'd rather take them for a test run early on and if they're suitable then carry on getting to know them. If not then it's just another notch on the bedpost! 😬

I will say though that I always find sex is 100 times better when there's a connection with someone mentally as well as physically so if I wasn't so easy I do see the logic in building the mental side first

I was reading a thing recently which said...sex before an emotional connection can be problematic. It doesn't need to be love but some kind of deeper connection. I tend to dtd 2nd date but then....im not really looking for ltr. My daughter's dad we didn't kiss till 3rd date. I was baffled by it. We didn't work out but sweet Jesus when we dtd i was head over heels

@supercali77 I guess there's probably no set rule. I know the 'rule' is that it's not real until it happens but we'd talked so much over text prior to meeting that I felt like I knew him already (I was also aware it could have all been total bullshit but my spidey senses all pointed to him being genuine)
After the first date it kind of confirmed that all the chatting was genuine so I guess going by that you could say I'd known him a month before we dtd!
Sexual connection between us is intense, has been since the first time and if anything just keeps growing but we also spend time together with no sex involved.
I'm actually just thinking back and I think the only person I haven't dtd with too early on was my exH (together 14 years) I think it was around date 7 with him. Ironically sex with him was rather boring and killed my sex drive totally, I think that's why it's so important to me now, I've got it back ten fold I don't want to lose it again 😆

wishy I'm excited for you! Sexual build up is soooo fun! Hopefully a great er....climax? Haha

@supercali77 oh they're good! 😆 we've been together nearly 7 months now but it's showing no signs of slowing down so he can stick around 😬

placemarking!

wishywashy - I dtd dtd with Mr Wow early on and we lasted 9mths. Trouble was he was soo good. Spoilt me for anyone else!
I think MrBE hits so may boxes that I'm afriad the main one isn't going to live up to it.

Just want to say that having 'The Dating Thread' is like having a bestie. You can say whatever you want, not be judged, get support. It's brilliant. I'm in love with the thread so I should be booted! Lol. .

Thanks for the new thread tooold

Auba sounds exciting with your iron.

Welcome to the new posters. Good luck @aslifegoes and @canhearthroughmyglasses

I’m another that likes to get on with dtd fairly quickly once I have established that there is attraction and a connection. Second date with my current iron, (not sure iron is the right word now we are exclusive but it’s still early days). Sex is really important to me so compatibility is fundamental. It is pretty much the only thing that I will do with a partner that I can’t do with anyone else so it makes perfect sense to me to make sure we are a good fit early on.
I do understand why people want to build a bond first though. It is finding whatever works best for you as a couple I think. No right or wrong answer.

tooold I love the thread too. I look forward to peoples updates and it has massively helped me not over invest. Without the thread I’d have put all my eggs in one basket with Mr L and be miserably hanging out for his crumbs. It’s been a huge support.

Same here. The thread is a life saver. Married pals just stare at me when I'm talking about ' he blue ticked me' etc haha

Well I sent one last message to my hottie iron, apologising again for being ill. I said if I didn't hear back then I'd not bother him again and wished him all the best. Nothing back so that's a page turned.

Really odd in my view but hey nowt so queer as internet folk! Twas not meant to be.

Another one who loves this thread! I like hearing people's updates and successes. (Married) friends really don't get it. I have one who keeps saying I should be single for a while (I have been!!) - she met her husband when she was 14 and has been with him ever since - she's now in her early 50s. She doesn't see the irony 😂 She also never includes me in her social things, because that's all with couples 😕

Ahh Azzizam feck him. So annoying but he's an idiot and it's his loss.

Spoke to Mr Suave last night - matched with him a few days ago. I'm well-spoken, but he's a bit like Prince Charles 😬. We're going to meet next week as the chat was good.

Mr Bluebird has totally upped his game after not remembering he'd offered to meet me at the station in London if we were passing through at the same time (we were).

I love it too haha! It really helped me through the first few weeks of OLD when I was a newbie and even though now I'm off the market I still enjoy keeping up with everyone's stories

There is no one in rl for me you could discuss dtd or not, talk about 'irons' and blue ticks, no ticks etc. When I've tried, they just look at me like I'm a crazy slut!! Lol.