Dating Thread 147 - Double Dating Anyone?

[TooOldForThis67]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Thanks leonasa. Glad you've got some new irons to take your mind off MrNM. Have you still got him on WA then? How will you know if he changes his mind, lol.

TooOld yes still on WA, though I've archived the chat. I just don't want to see him doing his thing on a dating site! ☺️

For the list - Not sure anyone mentioned Happn, I quite like it - here's a couple of lines. That's where I met MrBeard.

Happn is an app that shows you profiles of people you've crossed paths with in your daily life. Good for meeting people in your local area. Otherwise works like Tinder or Bumble though people can send a hello/chat request without matching. Anyone can message first. Free with some premium options.

X

Thanks tooold
Good luck to all those with dates and am interested in the more open minded dates - threesomes,couples,fab dates!i know I’ve had one fab date but not sure I’m brave enough to go back on there or consider a threesome! Although as someone said as a free agent no reason why one couldn’t give it a try!
tooold yes still daily contact although he knows we’re just friends.I’ve reduced my messaging and just reply to his messages. Have the prior commitment with him this weekend and helping him with something 1 day next week and then I won’t be making arrangements to see him again.

Ps the one I was speaking to down the road jokingly offered me fwb but I just couldn’t go there!

Arghhh, reading all this is making me nervous as my iron is separated but going through the divorce now, so he says....I really don't want to be an unwitting OW even though I'm just looking at it as a night out only!

Sorry eesha. I’m sure your iron is fine. I feel so stupid for not seeing through mine. He just seemed so nice and honest. I thought I’d made a sensible choice and got it right for once!!

@Notcoolmum yours sounds a bit like he might be going through a rough patch with his wife. If you have actually seen the bedsit, then at least you know he doesn't live at home. I'm sure women lie too but it's definitely not nice

I have dilemma...

So a man I've been speaking to the past few days and is really nice. I've just noticed on his social media accounts he's friends with my ex (you know the one that was married and a pure dick and I didn't know) he actually came on to me and not through OLD.

Now I don't know how well they know each other, but they've spoken across social media (very friendly) and I also don't think given the circumstances he would have told him.

I don't know what to do?

Eesha - It wouldn't bother me too much if someone was separated and not divorced - it depends how long they have been separated. It was mentioned a few threads ago. I'm separated and in no rush to get divorced and I'd never thought about how men feel about it.
If you get on and would like to see him again, you could ask a few more questions.
There's a fine line between being trusting and being naive as we have all found out!

@lifegoes

Unless you feel that something serious coould develop, i would lock it off now. Others may disagree but i feel there are too many men out there for me to be dating or speaking to any man that has links with an ex.

@helpmeoutout I'll be honest my gut doesn't feel right about the situation. Why approach me now? Kinda thing.

But we clicked the min we spoke, it's too early I guess.

@lifegoes In the past i have kicked myself for not listening to the early signs! If you have a gut feeling something isn't right, listen to it. He may be genuine, but he may not be. I'm inclined to go with the latter, the timing is suspicious to me.

lifegoes are you thinking your ex has set him up to contact you? I was just thinking it would stop you from feeling you could be open about your last relationship.
I think maybe you and me need to trust our instinct more so if it feels wrong don’t do it? X

@helpmeoutout I agree the timing is strange and he approached me randomly.

my gut screamed with my ex something wasn't right and I didn't listen.

I'm going to knock it on the head. Thank you 😘

@Notcoolmum I'm not sure, I don't think given the circumstances he would tell this friend. But then I think how random that a friend of his suddenly approaches me and really tries it on.

I say friend, I can only see they are connected through social media, where they exchange open conversation.

I'm worried that due to what happened with him my guard is fully up and I'm looking for a reason to not trust him.

He is lovely though arghhhhhhh man.

@lifegoes woah woah woah! wait for others to come along! I realise I sound quite pessimistic hahahaha, maybe our mumsnet pals will have a different viewpoint to me.

@helpmeoutout 😂😂😂😂😂😂.

It's so hard, this is the first one that I've gone "oh hello, I could have a bit of you"

I mean I could have fun with him 😉

well,i'm back. Knocked on his door and went straight in so no front lawn loitering.
There was an attraction,he obviously has been round the block and I was thinking he's the sort I need to avoid. chatty,confident and told me about the two dates he had had one after the other on Tuesday. And was now going to delete pof as he can't seem to find anyone suitable. I think he is used to high maintenance women,the ex being a flight attendance,whilst I clean farm houses whilst supporting a son with asd. hmm. But there was something there and he asked me if i'd like to come over again. I was assertive and said no,i would like like to do proper dating out of the house first (yay,this thread has taught me well) so just got a txt asking me out for dinner tomorrow at a local pub. I've texted back 'how lovely'.

But....and a big but.i said 'so,youre 50'. He looked slightly shifty and said no,higher. I got to 55 and said go and show mw your passport(in a non bossy but cheerful way). Passport said 1957!! I kind of gave him a look of wtf,but then said 'well,you have a head full of non grey hair so will let you off!'

60. Is that ok? He was bad to lie but said he felt younger and looked younger. I'm going to give him a go!

wait, if he wasborn in 1957 doesn't that make him 62!?

Maybe he wasn't picking up any irons by using his real age?

I'm not sure how I feel about that, I would be concerned about what else he ight lie about, especcially as he didnt come out and say it, you had to ask him. Did you have a suspicion?

@lifegoes have you asked him about it? I would, you should be able to tell quite a lot by his reaction.

62? oh Christ. I'm 47. The thing is,he looks 50. I'm all confused. I said why lie and he said he didn't fancy women in their 60s and is happy to date women in their 40s but they don't give his profile a second look. He seems genuine and told me his life story but I will tread carefully. Will try and gather more irons. Hope he isn't looking for a carer for the future!

@leonasa I haven't. I am inclined to ask him. Maybe ask how he knows him first and then drop in it's my ex depending on what he says.

user at least he did look younger than that!! Unlike mine who said he was 52, admitted to 58, looked over 60 If you're happy, go for it.

Lily rock the all black look - that's my plan for Saturday! And good luck with your Fab social. I'm assuming a MFF threesome ...?

lifegoes ugh that would be a no from me. My exh is a Grade A narcissistic alcoholic cunt, I don't want anything to do with anyone who might be friends with him! If you have a gut feeling, definitely heed it.

@BatshitCrazyWoman my ex was a controlling narcissist who lied about having a lovely wife. So that's why I'm very very suspicious of this.

I would be too in your case.