Dating Thread 147 - Double Dating Anyone?

[TooOldForThis67]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

I love that bracelet! Think I need one!

Re: what to put on your bio (I'm thinking of tinder because thays what I'm on). I matched with a sexy French man who was passing through town on business. His profile was interesting. It looked like he was a free love guy. Terms like 'libertarian' etc. But also at the end he said explicitly he doesn't do ons or multiple partners. It came across loud and clear tl me that he liked experimenting. Didn't want a relationship but also...wasnt a one off shagged or someone who wasn't emotionally invested in the people he was seeing.....damn I wish he lived here

Actually. Thinking on it I just described an fwb haha

In my last relationship, he couldn't sleep in the same bed as someone else. I discovered this the first night he stayed over when he disappeared and I found him trying to sleep on the sofa.

After that I always made sure the bed in the spare room was made up for him. It was great not having to share my bed all night.

Good luck for tomorrow shitwithsugar

I'm another one who doesn't like to share a bed to actually sleep and doesn't want a 24/7 relationship. Not looking for a replacement Dad for my son. Maybe if someone lasted a couple of years then I'd re-consider but unlikely to get to that point at this rate! Lol.

Good luck @shitwithsugaron keep us updated with how it goes.

Good luck shitwith

That's two of us with dates tomorrow - who else?

Hi all, just adding another love of the thread makes all my worries and doubts a little bit more sane. Someone mentioned the post dtd naked chats. I find my current bf -if he is that- really closed emotionally and I am too scared to broach things. Even after dtd he’s quiet. Anyone had this before? I do over think everything so maybe I need to chill?!?

I spoke with my therapist a bit today about taking a break from OLD and she said it was a great idea and good to be aware of when your self-esteem takes a bit of a slide and a break from it for a couple of weeks will always do you some good.

Also spoke about me always dtd'ing within the space of a couple of weeks or a couple of dates. She said that having these boundaries will consciously and subconsciously breed respect in both parties which leads to a stronger bond and also stop me getting so attached to the idea of the relationship which is my main problem (we're doing a lot on attachment theory at the moment).

It does make a lot of sense because when I fall for someone or have a great few first dates I am not falling for that person but the idea of that person.... a loving relationship, companionship, security, the happiness it can bring, etc. Sex obviously makes you (or at least it does with me) become more attached but if I don't know anything about that person then I'm setting myself up for being hurt as I am becoming attached before even knowing if we're compatible so when things end a few dates (or the next morning) after I am not mourning the loss of that person but the idea.

@ccgirr I found that before, but was just him in general. Then a few days after he would mention about when we did and talk about things he liked etc. Eased it a bit.

@richdeniro that makes a lot of sense. I can really see the rationale behind that. It's made me think slightly.

How long are you going to break for?

Thanks @lifegoes yeah I think that maybe it is just him, I even googled his star sign and says hard to read! I need to care a bit less 🤦🏻‍♀️

@richdeniro That makes an awful lot of sense and you have a great counsellor. When I used to see one she would never go into such depth about relationships like that!

She does have a point and I think everyone does what you do to an extent. Can I ask. What's your thought process, so you meet online, talk for a week and go out for a drink for a couple of hours, have fun and a laugh...what would your brain be thinking at that point?

(I just want to see if we are similar in this regard about getting ahead of ourselves and picturing something that isn't even real yet)

Ha ha @ccgirr yea you do. Just let things be and trust your gut. You might find he does mention it. He might not, but he's still there and talking to you.

Try and occupy yourself xxx

@lifegoes Just for the rest of the month, my self esteem is pretty high and I'm feeling like I am a catch but want to get these boundaries in place before getting back on - god I sound like a robot It's actually something to look forward to and knowing I'm going back on there in a different frame of mind will help I think.

@Auba Previously the thought process if the date is going well is definitely along the lines of thinking she is amazing, already planning the next date and beyond in my mind (even to the extent of holidays and being plus one to weddings, etc). Then I'll be thinking about wanting to kiss her but trying to find the right moment and even getting anxious as the time is passing that I'm running out of time to do it. I'll most likely be hoping as well that she will want to come back to mine or invite me back to hers. It's all just rushing it and wanting her to be exclusive as soon as possible. I recognise it's not healthy though.

Yes rich you are spot on again. I'm unintentionally playing the long game. Date 5 tomz, just a coffee at mine, meet the pets. Date 6 will be when we hopefully dtd.

It's hard to not get too carried away in your head and my mistake in the past has been to fall into bed and then if the sex was any good, just go along with seeing them, even when I knew deep down it wouldn't work and there were aspects of them that I didn't actually like. Silly really. We live and llearn!

@richdeniro I get all of that. It's so refreshing to hear you say that. I can relate to that fully.

It's a really positive step and I'd be very interested to hear how these steps go. If you wouldn't mind sharing it.

Sounds good @TooOld fingers crossed for you and I'm going to keep an eye out for how it's going over the next few weeks.

@lifegoes Of course I will :)

Hello again folks.

Well, Mr Urbanite. Well, well, well. I have been talking to this man for 2 and a half months, vague chat about meeting up having been ebbing and flowing for most of that. He lives 150 miles away. He offered to come all the way down to see me for a date (he's going to see friends while he's down here, too). We were exchanging messages every day....then he went quiet TWELVE DAYS ago. I was highly pissed off, then dusted myself off and started chatting to other people......Guess who messages me tonight asking if I'm still on for Saturday?!

I just......speechless.

I should tell him to fuck right off, shouldn't I?

Oh my word @crackofdoom I would say "sorry who is this?! I'm busy Saturday, see ya"

Or, I dunno....fuck, should I ask him to explain why he suddenly disappeared for 12 days? Is there any point in even asking that?

I already had my response in mind should he pop up again, which is:

This has got to be the perfect song for the OLD headfuck merchants!

Meanwhile........I'm chatting to this bloke I met on Bumble who seems mega, almost uncomfortably keen. One of the reasons for this is that he lives in a vehicle, which I think has put other women off, but I'm an ex caravan dweller and alternative type, so right up my street. He seems so overjoyed to meet someone on the same wavelength that I think he's overinvesting a tad.....I'm a bit worried by the fact that he has his 3 year old every weekend. I also have a 3 year old, so I have a horrible feeling that he's already seeing happy families, whereas I'm really after someone to enjoy my precious childfree time with doing childfree things.

The thing with the disappearing Mr Urbanite and the date on Saturday is that I would actually quite like to see that gig we were discussing going to, and I haven't actually got any fixed plans yet.....

Can I join too please!

Tried OLD once before, about a year ago. Met someone on it and we were seeing each other for 3 months then she dumped me. Haven't gone near it since. I think I will try again though!