I think my H is having an affair? What do I do?

[LilacDaisyChain]

Hello MNetters

Long time lurker, and have no one in RL I can talk to about this. Please can I have your advice, I'm trying to keep calm.

Ok, first of all, I know it's wrong but I signed into my husbands email. I did this because I wanted to book a table at lunch at a restaurant for 13th Feb. Back story: I don't work on this day but am on Valentine's. H is self employed and just started his business so I know he will be available for lunch this day and wanted to surprise him.

I looked on his emails to see if he booked something similar for the 13th for us as a surprise.

And to my surprise he has...for the 14th. This is a day he knows I'm working. It's for lunch and it's in the next town over. I can't find on the email the party size.

Now my mind has gone into overdrive. I usually never check his email (bad I know) but I've trawled through his emails and at the end of Jan he bought a male sex toy. I've never seen the sex toy and he's not told me about it either.

Also there has been a decline in our sex life. We have a DS aged 4 and we've been having fertility problems and in Oct last year, we were told that IVF is our only option. Since then, our sex life has dwindled with him not being interested. I've tried speaking to him on a few occasions and asked why, he says he's been tired and getting older and doesn't need it as much. I accepted this answer because up until Jan he had been working flat out at his full time job getting paid overtime to build our savings now that he is self employed.

Now, I'm starting to connect the dots and if a friend told me this about her H, I would be screaming affair!

What do I do now? I can't get access to his phone because it has face recognition ID. So at the moment I can't get anymore evidence. I asked him in conversation this morning if he had anything planned this week except work stuff and he said no.

As I can't get anything concrete yet, my plan is to go to restaurant on Thursday in my lunch break and see for myself. I work close to this town but my H knows I would never go there on my lunch break, as well as other family/friends.

I'm absolutely gutted that he would do this to me, I thought we were doing good and were happy. Any advice welcome ladies, what's my next step?

He suddenly volunteered all this info? Very odd.

There is a wisdom that if someone's lying they give too many details...

Whilst I admit is it a bit odd that he volunteered this information all of a sudden, it did sound plausible.

Apologies in my original post I explained that ex-colleague now has to go to a meeting and can't make lunch.

It sounds a bit silly reading it back but he's always been honest with me before.

Yes, admittedly, he is being a bit secretive now, so won't write off my suspicions altogether. Will just try to keep more alert for the foreseeable future but can't accuse him of anything at the moment.

He's bought himself a sex toy as a present for you for Valentine's day yet he's off sex at the moment. Hmmm.

OP I hate to say this but I think he's lying. Is there any chance he may have found out that you saw the email and called the restaurant? It still sound suspicious. Hopefully it's not. Good luck to you.

Could he have seen this thread?

Hmmm....Stinks to me

My guess is the sex toy never appears

Good luck

That sounds awfully detailed for something he didn't tell you and doesn't need to as it is now cancelled.

I actually think either the restaurant has called him or the email has shown as read when it wasn't before. I can't imagine why you'd go into so much detail describing a now non event to be honest!

Wow, he has gone into a ridiculous amount of detail indeed! How bizarre, yet coincidental, that he brought this up, amid your suspicions.

Keep an eye on email amd betcha he will change password.

He is free to run his own diary so can book in illicit liaisons whenever he wants. The lack of sex , buying a sex toy for his own use this wierd incident, the fact that hes saying its a man (wouldn't that be an easy detail to change?!). All red flags for affair / shagging around IMO.

Could it be you forgot to mark it back again as ‘unread’ ?? That’s very detailed for something he thought insignificant enough not to mention. I would be keeping an eye OP, it may be the case or maybe not but better to be aware. Would be curious if this sex toy appears too

Is this a spoof thread?

If it's for real , he is definitely being suspicious

So (too) much detail for a simple cancelled lunch (on VD) 🤪

He does realise he was going on a Valentine’s Day lunch with a male colleague doesn’t he?

Any chance the male sex toy is relevant?

Valentines Day is just a normal day to many

Dinner is different maybe but lunch with an ex colleague at a non romantic type place isn’t suspicious really.

I do think his behaviour in general is a little suspect though.

Op, of you get the sex toy as a present on valentine's Day, I'd drop it.

However, at he moment, it all seems a bit fishy to me.

Perhaps he found out you phoned the restaurant? Does he have access to your phone / call log?

He's definitely been alerted to your suspicions somehow

I bet its a cockring. Going to be abit odd to sell it to the OP as a present for her?

Maybe he called into the restaurant (or rang) and they said "yes...a woman rang to confirm yesterday"

Or he got an email saying "further to your phone call earlier today, I'd just like to confirm your booking for Thursday 14/02 etc"

Lunch with a male friend, sex toy - possible male relationship he can spin as friends meeting up?

Either way, it’s a bit suspicious he volunteered so much detailed info to you. But I do hope it’s all innocent. (You wouldn’t jump to those conclusions if you didn’t think there was a possibility they were true!)

When I checked the email it was already read so there was no need to mark it as unread again.

When I called the restaurant yesterday, I called on my phone and deleted the call log afterwards.

But yes, now it's been pointed out, the restaurant could've called H to confirm, hence the added detail in his story tonight.

Oh and, I promise OP this is not a spoof. I am quite mortified about the whole situation!!

Surely the best outcome is a bit of embarrassment for you though? If I was you I would be rather pleased to be feeling like a bit of an idiot as it would mean DH wasn't being a git.

Liar liar pants toy on fire.........

I think you inadvertently alerted him and he's now covering his arse.
Note how he's only explaining the meal booking (prob cos he thinks that's all you've found out about)........he won't mention the sex toy until he knows you know about that too.

Don't be a mug OP....there's something a bit too 'coincidental' about his timing for all of this to be kosher.

Maybe he’s seen this thread?even if he does give you the second you in v day that wouldn’t prove his innocence if he’a somehow found out you know about the sex you too!

Second you? Meant sex toy (typo)

You said he bought a male sex toy...how is that a gift for you?