Starting over after 25 years - Part Trois

[Lily007]

Time to start a new thread.

I’m hoping all you ‘regulars’ will continue the journey with me 😊

So amused to hear about the overcoat in your last post Lily, well played 👍🏻😂

That's a shame Lilly on the shared ownership. I can't recall where you are, maybe close to Manchester, here is a link to some there, just as an example, you can go in for s little as 20k and it really does reduce your rent and give you security over a private rental, where you're always at risk of the landlord selling up, or putting the rent up!

Would it be worth extending your search area, maybe move ? As long as your commutable to work and friends it might be worth considering.

www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/find.html?locationIdentifier=REGION%5E904&index=24&mustHave=sharedOwnership

Thank you @Bluntness for the link.

I’ve searched and found a new development not too far from where I live at the moment. It’ll definitely be something for me to consider once I’m able to sell my house.

Happy Valentine's Day ❤️ Makes this day special for you and your future

Hello @Lily007 . Just wondering how you're doing. The days are lengthening and getting warmer, that brings a little cheer into our lives.

Hi @Lily007 👋🏻 I hope you're doing well and the redecorating is coming along

Hi Lily, welcome back

How are you doing Lily?
Shared ownership is really a good idea, if there are any new developments in your area. I have a friend who has done this subsequent to the splitting of assets after his divorce. He has a very nice 2 bedroomed new build, and feels secure.

Hi @HazelBite and thanks for tip about shared ownership.

I'm having a pretty crap time at the moment. I discovered last Friday that KH hadn't transferred the money for the mortgage into my account. I contacted his solicitor immediately who advised he's not prepared to anything further!

This situation has arisen because instead of providing all his disclosure documentation at the mediation session in November, KH has basically provided the documents in piecemeal fashion over the past 4 months. We had a second mediation session scheduled yesterday (25th), however, despite numerous requests via his Solicitor, I didn't receive his income and expenditure schedule until 20 February. I explained to his solicitor that the late provision of the documentation did not give me enough time to obtain any legal advice and that I would need to postpone the mediation session booked for 25 Feb.

During the afternoon of 20 February, I received a call from the Mediation Service advising that they had contacted KH to ask if he was agreeable to postponing for 1 to 2 weeks. He apparently advised he was not agreeable and if the mediation was not going ahead as planned he was not prepared to mediate further. I merely told the Mediation Service that was fine by me and I would proceed via the court.

Last Thursday 21 February, I received a call from the Mediation Service to say KH had been in touch and was agreeable to a further session being scheduled and this was arranged for 14 March.

On Friday morning 22 February, I received a letter from his Solicitor by email stating he was making no further payments to me and was not prepared to attend the postponed mediation appointment!. I received a further email later that day from the Mediation Service advising the postponed appointment had been cancelled by KH.

So...........over the weekend I have spent hours drafting an application for maintenance pending suite together with a detailed statement in support. I kid you not, it's probably taken me 14 hours in all!

Then yesterday afternoon as I was double checking all my documentation before issuing the application to court, I get yet another call from the Mediation Service to advise KH has again contacted and that he's changed his mind again and wants to proceed via the mediation route! You really couldn't make this up!

Needless to say I refused. I explained that I had been messed about now for almost a week, he'd stopped making payments to the mortgage and I felt I had no other option but to get the financial matters into court and to allow a DJ to make a decision on interim maintenance.

I don't check his social media activity any longer as, quite frankly, I'm not interested, however, he is still very much involved with my neighbours, who live their life through FB, so I do see some of his antics now and then. He's still spending money like water, just not on me!!!

Needless to say, I'm absolutely fed up with all the shit he's causing me and I'm feeling really down

He's really putting you through it!
Will the Mortgage provider give you a "mortgage holiday" if you explain the circumstances?

Bloody hell Lily, I'm sorry you're being put through the mill. No need for it at all. What an awful person he is.

So sorry he’s back to being a test and going back on previous promises, however he does have form so we shouldn’t be too surprised

Hope court goes well and I don’t blame you for refusing mediation following him messing you about.

Hello Lily, A big welcome back. I’m so sorry he’s treating you this way, it’s so hard to understand someone who you have been sharing you life with for so long be like this, been with my husband 42 years and separating and is heartbreaking to see him so hard and cold towards me, I miss him so much and I’m so lonely. he’s totally checked out of our marriage and we are still in the same house until it sells. He is the love of my life but I will never put as much effort into another man again. Why do they do this! Like you I’m hardening up now. Stay strong Lily. 🌷

Redland that sounds incredibly hard; I'm hoping to separate after more than 30 years, Lily is an inspiration to keep going and I pinch all the good tips from here. (Although to be fair I have to declare that the split is my choice, my H would have been happy to use me as his emotional punchbag for the rest of our lives!) Is your house on the market?

Good morning Dishing. Im sorry you are in the same boat. Yes It’s so hard. We live in separate rooms, I cannot believe I am in this situation but my husband is an alcoholic although a high functioning one. Has a very well paid job and had everything we wanted. He’s got worse as he’s got older and more and more abusive, I’ve had enough. It has to be done. I need to get more respect for myself. When I look back on our early life my heart sinks, at times I don’t know what I’m going to do without him but I will never go back I’m done. Yes house is on the market. Time for a new life.

I also agree Lily is an inspiration, I have kept all her threads to look back on for tips. It’s amazing to see how far she has come🌷

@Redland12 I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. I don’t know if I could have coped if I’d had to stay in the same house as him.

It’ll be a year next weekend since KH left. I never thought I’d get over the break up but I have and I’m starting to enjoy my new life.

On Friday of last week I received a FB friend request from OW 🤭. I took a screenshot and sent it to KH saying “given the current circumstances this is unacceptable”. I got a text back from him stating it wasn’t from OW and her FB account must have been hacked 🙈. He instructed me to delete it! What a load of bollocks, she’d clearly been checking out my FB account and, I’m guessing, inadvertently sent a friend request 🙄

It’s not good Lily, we do try to keep it civil but it’s like it’s happening to someone else. I look at him and think what have you done, it’s definitely hurt our children (late 20’s), but he has chosen alcohol over me and our family and you cannot compete with it. I have a Huge Circle of friends so I’m rarely in but it’s taking its toll now as we have been living like this for a year! What a upheaval 😡 you are kidding! Tosser, I totally agree she as checking you out, horrible isn’t it? 🌺

@Redland. Is there no way you can move out? When I think of your situation I feel lucky that KH left.

It’s good that you have a lot of friends but I’m sure having to go back home must be really difficult.

As you probably know I still live in “our” house although I don’t know how much longer I can keep it given he’s stopped paying the mortgage, but at least I don’t have the added burden of having to cohabit.

I could Lily but I work in this house which I will give up when it’s sold. It’s a business I run from here involving other people. He’s not here when I return as he works nights. I’m trying to keep the peace as I’m having most of the house sale to buy my own house outright. He’s also going to pay me a weekly wage. Most of my friends ask the same question, how on earth are you living in that situation. I just keep out of his way. I will never forgive him for what he has done. I wish HE would move out, it’s a different house when he’s not here. Are you having to take on the mortgage now Lily?

Hi lily , so glad that you’re continuing the thread! So love that grotbags sent you a friend request 😂😂 she must feel so embarrassed! KOKO

@Redland12. I so hope you manage to sell the house quickly, you’re current situation sounds horrendous.

I’ve contacted the Building Society who have agreed I can pay interest only for 3 months. I’m hoping to get a hearing soon for my maintenance pending suit application 🤞

@Lefty1 yes I bet she’s bloody mortified but even better KH will be absolutely furious. Needless to say I haven’t deleted the friend request, I’ve saved the screenshots just in case 😉. Perhaps she wanted to know more about the wife of 23 years who didn’t do the pick me dance 😂

I think the friend request shows that all is not well in paradise. If she was completely comfortable in her relationship with kh, she wouldn’t be online stalking you 😂

As you said, I bet KH is mortified that you ‘know’ - Facebook account hacked indeed

She's probably hoping to hand him back Lily