Starting over after 25 years - Part Trois

[Lily007]

Time to start a new thread.

I’m hoping all you ‘regulars’ will continue the journey with me 😊

Thanks everyone for your continued support and encouragement.

@Weenurse I can’t put the house up for sale until we have a consent order sealed by the court which can’t be done until the Decree Nisi has been pronounced. Unfortunately the court has a backlog which means the nisi won’t be pronounced until the end of May at least. I’m using the time to spruce up the house by painting where it needs it. I want to get the best price I can.

It’s true that time is a great healer, I still have times when I feel quite sad but all in all I’m not doing too badly.

The divorce is going to hurt us both financially, I wonder whether he’ll think it was worth it. Time will tell.

Well done

I strongly suspect that now the honeymoon period is well and truely over and he’s lost most of his social circle, he doesnt have the nice house and he can see how well you are doing, he’ll not think it’s worth it.

Sitting on a market stall all day on a Saturday, staring at Madge (think Benidorm is how I see her) will only have kept him occupied and content whilst he was cut struck his tattoos will look tacky, and he’ll be getting fat with the lack of the gym etc revenge is most definitely a life we’ll lived @Lily007*

@WhoKnewBeefStew. You’re probably right in most of what you say.

He does still go to the gym (a colleague sees him there) but he has put a bit of weight on.

I know his current lifestyle is nothing like it was whilst we were together which, whether he would admit it or not, must smart a bit.

I can’t wait to sell the house and buy something which is all mine.

I’m pretty certain that I’ll come out of this in a better position than him. I won’t be the one living in someone else’s house and having to live by their rules.

I only hope that if things go tits up for KH and “Madge”, I have the satisfaction of finding out 😉.

When he came to the house on Easter Monday he told me she doesn’t earn very much which leads me to believe she sees him as a meal ticket. I wonder how long she’ll want him once she realises how much our divorce has actually cost him! It’ll take him years to make up for what he’s paid me so I can’t imagine they’ll be living a very extravagant lifestyle anytime soon.

Thought I’d just share a bit of info I gleaned today.

My first husband (we have a really good relationship 😊) came to my house this afternoon to pick something up.

He was asking how I’m getting on and whether KH and I have agreed the settlement.

He said a couple of weeks ago his niece was in the market hall (where OW works) when she heard a man say “hiya xxxx”, she turned around and it was KH. She said she was in a blind panic as she really didn’t want to speak to him but he asked how she and her husband and their daughter were, she said she told him they were all fine and simply said “you okay?” KH said “well I’ve made my bed now so I’ve got to lie on it”. She replied “ah well, I must go xxxx is waiting for me” and hurried away.

What a weird comment! If I’d bumped into one of his friends or family I’d have told them I was absolutely fine, even if I felt like shit.

What a dickhead 🙈

looks like karma is working her magic

Playing the " poor me" card I suspect still.

And well done you by the way on how you've handled it all recently. You are a Star.

Well, we knew it would happen 🤷‍♀️ Life’s a bitch and all that. Tough! You’ve had so much dignity though it all. Shame on him 🌷

You are sounding very strong and positive.
Well done.

Lily, can I gently ask if, looking back more than a year and obviously with the benefit of hindsight, you could see any signs of what he was up to or what was to come?

I ask as there have been a few threads of women saying they thought they were happy and there were no signs etc but then the DH suddenly upped and left saying they weren't happy.

@FreshAprilStart. Yes, with the benefit of hindsight something was off for about 2 months before he left but nothing that would indicate an affair.

Once I discovered OW it made sense but until I knew about her I’d have swore he’d never do that to me.

He didn’t really go out unless it was with me but I discovered he had gone to her house a few times before he went to work. What a classy bird hey, having a quick shag at 7.30 am with another woman’s husband 🙈.

I reckon had I not found out it would probably have fizzled out but I did and he had to bolt.

From what I hear all in the garden isn’t rosy so maybe he’s getting his come uppance 🤞.

As they say, act in haste and all that 😬.

Thank you for sharing and indeed for being brave enough to share throughout your whole journey. It's been so illuminating and helpful.

Evening Lily. How are you? 💐

So glad things are going to be OK for you. Hope you enjoy your new life.

The Decree Nisi is due to be pronounced later this month.

Well.......we had a court hearing last week re. finances. We'd already both signed a Heads of Agreement document and just wanted the court's approval.

As soon as we came out of court KH told me he wanted a word with me. He advised he'd just discovered an additional pension! Really???

I was absolutely furious and I told him he should have mentioned this prior to us going into court. I'm now going to have to make an application to set aside the Heads of Agreement document based upon his non disclosure.

I emailed him over the weekend putting forward a new financial proposal but he responded almost immediately refusing the offer and has told me he's prepared to go to trial and that it's his opinion the settlement will be 50/50. I've been told by my (solicitor) friend this won't be the case due to the huge disparity in income but it'll delay me being able to apply for the Absolute if the finances aren't settled. I really don't need this, I just want to get everything sorted, sell the house. buy myself a little place and get on with my life.

One thing I did get a bit of satisfaction from was the fact that my DS accompanied me to court. It's the first time since KH left that they've seen or spoken with one another. As soon as KH saw my DS he was a blubbering wreck, he hugged him for ages although my son didn't reciprocate. KH was talking ten to the dozen asking him all sorts about his life, work etc., and my DS just answered him politely. He doesn't give a shit about me but he certainly still adores my DS. I was glad he got upset as it shows he must miss him. Ah well that's what you get when you're a shit!

I received an email yesterday from KH telling me he's sacked his solicitor and is meeting with a new one this week. I'm glad actually because his previous solicitor was really poor so I'm hopeful the new one will explain the likely outcome if we proceed to trial.

I'm crossing everything that we can agree matters within the next couple of weeks and just move on

Does he STILL think your DS will have any time for him at all after how he has behaved? He is utterly deluded. So sorry about all the palaver (how can you "forget" a pension?) Here's hoping his new solicitor lays it on the line for him.

Oh God Lily! Wha a dick! Sounds like he’s a mess! As if your son would hug him back. Delusional or what? Like Kaitlinktm said, how can you forget a pension? Good luck with it. 🌷🌷

He’s the gift that just keeps giving isn’t he.

Fingers crossed this gets sorted soon for you

Just checking in with you @Lily007.
Hope you're keeping well and can enjoy the summer sunshine.

I'm still plodding on

Not managed to sort out finances as he's refusing to re-negotiate after disclosing the "additional" pension.

He's now changed solicitors, I suspect he didn't like what his previous solicitor was telling him

His new solicitor has sent me a letter attaching a schedule of assets which are not even nearly accurate. It seems she may not have received his file of papers from his previous solicitor and has based the schedule on his best guess!

I really want this over with now. The Decree Nisi will be pronounced tomorrow so I'm crossing everything that we can agree a financial settlement so the Decree Absolute can be issued early August.

I want to sell the house, buy something that's just mine and get on with my life without having to have any further contact with KH

I can understand that Lily, wanting to be able to live your life KH free.

Fingers crossed that you get sorted soon. (I was going to say before Brexit, but that's too cruel as no-one knows when that will blooming well be)

You must feel like this is hanging over you like a dark cloud that won't go away. BUT, please be assured that as soon as this is all sorted it float away and the sunshine will be there again. You will do the biggest exhale of your life and realise that you have just that. A new life !

I would advise any guy to stop paying the mortgage and let the house be repossessed. I have had my equity tied up for years by the ex , by her getting the house until kids are 18. Whereas the CCJ on repossession would have been long gone by now.

@ Worrynot1, this is relevent in this case??

Hope that it progresses Lily so that you are no longer in the current limbo