Am I being a psycho bitch?????

[psychobitch]

Partner started job in new department yesterday and had told me that he had his own office, fair enough.

He called me yesterday from his 'new desk' saying that he has the office all to himself this week. Confused I said that I thought that he had the office to himself all the time anyway? He said no he shares with someone.

Turns out this someone is a woman, which I know I shouldn't have an issue with.

But why has he not mentioned it in the 2 months leading upto him starting the job?

Had a bit of a row about it yesterday, then when we went to bed last night I just had it going round and round my mind and got more and more paniky and worried about it. So when DS woke for a feed at 1:30am, I asked DP why he hadn't told me before.

Asked if he fancied her? If there was something I should know? He just got angry with me.

He said at one point that he wouldn't do anything to risk his home and family (pointed out that he never mentioned me in that, but he said I am part of his family).

Never actually said no he doesn't fancy her or gave a reason why he never mentioned her before. He wouldn't even tell me her name!!!!!!!!

He then came downstairs and slept on the sofa, said he is so close to walking out cause he is sick of me and me accusing him of things.

We are clearly now not talking, he was gone when I got up. I just feel like sitting and crying.

Am I being paranoid? Or a psycho bitch?

Wisteria, at least your h mows it . I do all the garden - apart from dp hacking some branches off the lower part of the HUGE bay tree that some idiot planted in the past, so that some light can reach the so-called patio. Dp's idea of gardening is walking around it in the evening with a glass of wine, asking me what the plants are called ! Some friend of his suggested he could do part-time gardening as a job when he's 'resting' - all I could do was laugh - ha ha! He'd kill a cactus (and has done!) Oh, and my tomatoes are very small, and very green, and very few .

Star, you've been very quiet. Worried about you. How are you? Any luck with the GP yet?

Wisteria, are you still superglued ?

Been very good today and found an antidote! My friend called at 11 and requested my cleaning powers such as they are as one of their tenants has completely decimated a house they own - I won't go into details suffice to say how people live like that is beyond me - and the fact that they had a 7mth old and 3yr old just makes me sad.
I would garden as I love it but am not allowed . I can only potter and give direction really but do look after all the plants etc

Hellooooo - Star!!! Where are you beautiful?

Hello, been pretty stressed out and not had time to post, sorry!

I am so irritable and shouty at the moment, not sure how anyone is putting up with me. Really really stupid things that DP and the kids do are irritating the hell out of me (if I had posted a couple of hours ago there would be lots of swearing and angry faces) and making me shout and throw things (not throwing things at them and usually a soft toy or somthing, so some restrain there at least).

Would have been able to go to the doctors tomorrow (assuming I could get an appointment) but I have an extra baby to look after so no way. Double pram won't fit into surgery and can't just leave them in the waiting room!

Started work at 7:30 this morning, and finished at 7:30 this evening. Just finished tidying away all the mess that looking after the kids has generated and I am knackered.

Anyway, enough moaning, and back to the reason for the post!

I don't usually cry when me and DP have sex, was just feeling particularly bad. And can't even put my name down for the NHS counselling as they are always daytime appointments and I can't do them because of DS and mindee's.

And yes there is a real lack of communication between me and DP. He doesn't really want to talk about my depression and he really doesn't understand. We have talked about it so many times before and gone over and over it, and nothing ever changes. He is sick of it, and sick of me making digs at him all the time, and sick of me having a go about myself all the time.

When he left for work yesterday morning he asked if I was going to wish him a nice day! I just made a comment that as I don't know what he gets upto during the day I don't want his day to be 'that' nice!

He rang me when he got to work this morning to say hello (I was, unusually, still in bed when he left) and to wish me a nice day, and all I keep thinking is that he is up to something or something is wrong or he must be cheating on me and feeling guilty!!!!

I know that I am depressed, I know that I need help, I just don't ever get a minute to myself (except maybe this minute now but should be downstairs with DP anyway or in the shower).

At the gym where I go (when I get the bloody time which has only been once this week) they do karate lessons and DP has been talking about me dropping SS there when I go to the gym and picking him up after. Which has really really pissed me off (rightly or wrongly) cause that was the only time that I ever get to myself, and he wants me to pick his kid up and take him then finish in the gym when he is finished and take him home!!!!! Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed by that?

Not even really keen on spending any time with his son at the moment anyway, especially since he said at dinner the other night that he wants his dad and his mum to get back together!

Anyway I am getting a shower and going to bed. Very long post, and assuming anyone has read this far, very sorry . Just kill me now, or give me a one way plane ticket somewhere nice, cause I have had ENOUGH!

And thanks tanee, but I really couldn't be any less beautiful!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{hug}}}}}}}}}}}}}} speak tomorrow

Star, stop taking the pill .immediately. Synthetic hormones do make some women psychotic. Stop making excuses for not seeing the dr. I know you have tried but you are very ill and it is important you get help asap. Get the next app you can no matter what time it's at and don't have your mindees that day. Everyone is entitled to a sick day. Bring your son with you.

Oh God please be someone there cause I desperately need some advise, URGENTLY!!!

Just checked DP's phone and there is a text from a female friend and it says 'since we last met'.

He has not mentioned meeting her at all? When did he meet her? Why didn't he tell me?

He knows how I feel about him talking to and texting this woman so why is he meeting her anyway.

I am sat here crying and he is downstairs with DS and DD and he is obviously going to know that there is something wrong when he sees me. Can't tell him that I have checked his phone, obviously, but what the hell do I do?

Is he cheating on me? Was I right all along? Or did he not tell me cause he knew how I would react? But then surely he must have learnt by now that that doesn't work and when I find out I just get more suspicious and accuse him of lying (which in this case he clearly has).

When I first met DP he used to still work with this woman, and he used to text her all the time and speak to her lots. We used to argue about it cause we would be on a night out and he would keep texting her.

He always claimed that they were just friends, and I have always suspected that there was more to it. She is the main reason I check his phone at all to be honest.

When she got married he went to her wedding and I wasn't invited, said that no partners were, but I found out later on that other people's partners were there.

We went to a wedding once which is the one time I met her, and she hardly spoke to me. Now if they were such good friends surely he would have wanted to introduce me properly and she would have wanted to meet me? They spoke quite a bit if I was talking to other people, but he never spoke to her when I was there, and I am sure he was staring at her when she was dancing with her husband.

We have argued about her so many times and he always insists that they are just friends and always have been, but I just don't believe him, especially now.

I feel sick and I can't stop crying and I just want to curl up and die. I feel like seond choice, the one he is stuck with.

Can't bear to stay in the house with him so am escaping to the gym.

Hope someone has some great words of wisdom for when I get back (wisteria and tanee where are you????) .

I'm here honey and am so that you're going through this alone. It must be horrid - it is possible they are just friends and he doesn't mention it because he knows it will cause problems.
All I would say is that unless your dp is extremely daft he would delete messages if they were anything to worry about wouldn't he?
There's not a lot you can say I suppose as he'll take the moral high ground for you checking his phone - does he hide his phone from you or act in a secretive manner when he gets text messages?

I wish there was more I could do or say to make you feel better, or that you lived closer so we could meet up for some moral support/ walks etc.

I think all you can do for the moment is to concentrate on yourself and push these feelings to the back of your mind (easier said than done I know) but if he saw you acting confident and trying to do something for yourself maybe he would feel a bit jealous and give you more attention.

I know I sound like a stuck record but I think you absolutely have to see your GP and cancel your mindees for the day/ have a sick day, whatever - not just for you but for your dcs as well.

I'll check in later on to see if you're around x

Yes your right, if I mention what I have seen to him, the fact he met her without telling me will no longer be the issue, it would be that I checked his phone.

I have re read the texts, and it looks like he has asked her about a driving test (he has deleted his text) cause she has replied about cancelling due to 5 fails on a mock test. She then asks him if she has done something to upset him? And tells him that her, hubby and son have just got back off holiday. (Then puts a X ).

He then put 'like what, when'? Says that he is in the office Monday and will call her then to catch up on her adventures. (No X from him)

She puts back 'Thought I might have done something to piss you off as not heard from you since I saw you' (no X).

Doesn't look like he has replied to that.

Now I know that a month ago or so (only found out after the event), he met another old colleague he used to work with, and I had a suspicion that this one might be there too, but I all but asked him and he said noone else was there expept the ex and current colleague (he must have known I was fishing to see if she was there).

Was in the gym this morning with everything going round and round my head and kept wanting to cry (but luckily didin't).

DP knows that there is something wrong, cause I keep 'welling up' and having to stop myself crying. Have asked DP several times this morning if:
a) he is seeing someone else
b) he fancies me
c) he wishes he were with someone else
d) I am a second (or third, forth, six millionth) choice.

He has of course given the correct answer everytime (but he is hardly going to say no you ugly fat bitch fuck off, I have a slimmer prettier younger model all ready to go, is he), and he keeps cuddling me with a sad look in his eyes.

I know that i need to go to the doctors, and I will as soon as I can. Can't have a day off work cause no mindee's no money (and things are so tight can't even afford a day off at the moment). But I do promise to go when I can.

In the gym earlier I just kept looking at all the women and imagine they must be thinking to themselves 'fat ugly cow, what is she wasting her time here for'. I hate it but I compare myself to everyone, and I am sick of always being the ugliest person in any room at any time.

I wish we were local to each other too Wisteria, those walks sound good (as does the much needed moral support). Another thing I am sick of is the lack of friends, but then being like this who on earth would want to be friends with me!

Anyway, I have moaned on for far too long, again, sorry!

I hope that you are having a great weekend XXX

I feel so very sorry for both of you tbh. It must be very wearing for your dp to have these questions bombarded at him. I am worried that you will push him away if you continue but I also understand how hard it is to bite your tongue when you feel so low.
I guarantee you that people weren't thinking that at the gym; they were more likely to have not noticed you at all and be concentrating on their own insecurities. Give yourself some credit. You went to the gym, you have taken another step towards your goal. I feel that if you really can't get to the gp - sure you could if you put your mind to it tbh - then getting regular sweats on at the gym will help you to gain a bit of perspective. Could you join slimming world or something as well to give you a boost? You might make some good friends as well .

Can I just remind you as well that you have given us an inkling of your size and you are not (and I state this categorically) a fat ugly bitch, you are merely a bit overweight (like the majority of women post dcs), in fact if I hear this again I may well get into my car and drive up to slap you in person instead of the virtual one I'm giving you right now.

and i hope that this revelation of mine will help.
I have quite a few male friends (inc my exh) and I generally end all my text messages with a x, whether it is to a man or woman. It doesn't always mean what you think....... I promise you I would never be unfaithful or the other woman etc - I'm just a tactile kind of person and find it hard to end text messages with just my name - it feels a bit impersonal. She could be the same couldn't she?

Oh - forgot to say, take some time and re-read this thread from beginning to end. It's really quite interesting and may remind you how you were feeling earlier on (because you felt better for a while) and some of the fab advice and POV's of other posters.
I'm having an ok w'end actually except I am sick to death of the weather and really need some sun before my arthritic joints consume me completely!

well i've just sat and read all of this, havnt been on mn lately Ds not well.
This all sounds really serious weight issues, confidence , and dp problems but i think many of us on here have gone through or are going through these problems.
TBH PB i wish i could help you but i think this is something that with help from the doc you will get through. it wont be long and you will be back on your feet with more confidence than ever and you'll be the one off out whilst your dp will be wondering where you are and who you're with.

well girl as for the texts i wouldnt look as you might read it incorrectly and you will be heartbroken. it must be awful to see the x's at the end but women do tend to put them in all the time to anyone i know i do.

chin up girl we are all here to help and we will will continue to help if we can.
hugs to you and btw we're not fat we are curvy!!!!!!!!

I have been going to the gym when I can, but sometimes by the time the last mindee leaves at after 7 I can't be bothered, or there is so much mess left from the mindee's to do that there arn't enough hours in a day!

My problem is on the days I don't go to the gym I eat more (and drink but that is another issue).

I should be doing more, but like a lot of women (I guess), I comfort eat.

I swear I would have gone to the doctors if I could have got an appointment the other Friday. Couldn't go yesterday, but will try to go next week as DD can watch DS in waiting room so only have to take the one mindee in with me.

I am too shy to do slimming world on my own, used to go a few years ago with my sister. Also the only local group is on a Wed at 6:30, and typically this is the night that one mindee doesn't leave till 7:15.

Having real trouble trying to forget the texts. I just can't bear to be near DP today, cause I just can't stop thinking about them. I was just sat on the sofa and he laid down and put his feet on me, so I moved (and came on the PC)! He said that I never let him anywhere near him (which is kind of true I suppose).

Even when we are sat watching tv I have a cushion between us, covering my stomach, and sit there playing with my hair to cover my face. Or I lay down with a cushion against my stomach and my arm over my head.

I don't want him anywhere near me today cause I just can't stop thinking that he would rather be with her.

I know I will drive him away if I carry on, but maybe he was never really mine to begin with (which is what I am thinking more and more recently).

When DP is having a night out I always freak out, I hate it, cause I think that he is going to find someone else, even though I make excuses and pretend there are other reasons. A few weeks ago when he went out I sent him a text explaining something along the lines of - I hate it when he goes out cause I am not stupid enough to believe that he could really be happy with someone like me, I know that it is only a matter of time till he realises how much better he can do, and he will find someone prettier, thinner, and not psycho, who he wants to talk and listen to, make love to, and spend time with. - Have noticed that he has saved the text on his phone. Maybe to remind himself of the better prospects out there for him?

And I know what people are saying about size 16 being average (DS is nearly 17 months and was 2 stone lighter than now when he was 5 months so really not an excuse). But I just feel SSSSOOOOO big. I can't bear to look at myself. One thing I really hate about the gym is all the mirrors everywhere, and I desperately try to go on machines where there are no mirrors close but it isn't easy. I really am sick of always being the fattest ugliest person in any room. I feel like a complete joke and that people must mock me.

I am obsessed with what people think when they see me, cause it must be pretty much the same as what I think!

oh, pb, I so want to give you a hug! I know others have said it, but you really need professional help RIGHT NOW to start living again. You are thinking negative/destructive thoughts so much, and these "loop tapes" that we play in out heads become so real to us, even when they do not reflect reality.

Do you think you can go on like this, hating your body, believing your relationship is not stable, believing you are not loveable???? No way hozay. You need to sort it out.
Personally, I think that you darling DP sounds as if he would love to help you, if you would let him. Do you feel that you could be completely honest with him, perhaps even show hom this thread? He sounds as if he loves you so much, and is so sad that you are hurting like this.
Are you going to be able to put the text out of your mind? If yes do so, just forget it. If no then you will need to talk to your DP, as the cold sholder treatment is destructive. Could you not say something like "I know that you hate me cheching up on you, and I try really hard to fight any urges to do it, but sometimes I weaken, and I did today and I saw this text that bothered me"?

With regards to the weight issue. If it really bothers you have you thought about sure slim (I think it is called), where you drink shakes for 14 weeks and have CBT therapy in a group to address underlying causes. My friend is doing this at the moment and she has lost so much weight in such a short time I really can hardly believe it. Usually I am a fan of the sensible eating/exercise approach but if this is really getting you down it might be something to try?

For those that have posted, thank you!!! I am sure that I must be boring the hell out of you by now!

But I do need to know one thing? Does no one really think that i have anything to worry about regarding the text saying he had met this 'friend'? Because I just can't stop thinking about it and still keep crying.

Me and DP spent the night watching a film with him on the sofa and me on the chair, keeping as far away from him as possible.

When we went to bed he asked me why I have started wearing big t-shirts for bed and said that he hates it. Told him that it is better for him cause they cover me up. He told me that he doesn't like it, they feel horrible. SO i put a nice nightie on (put light on to find it, then turned it off again to get changed). We then had sex (and I hate to admit that yes I did shed a few tears during and lots in the toilet afterwards).

When I got back into bed I told him that he doesn't have to pretend (to fancy me). And that if he wants someone else then I would rather he just admited it.

He said that I was being a muppet (or something along those lines) and he gave me a cuddle and we went to sleep (and I cried a bit more).

I just keep thinking that he is lying and he would rather be with the 'friend' cause I have always thought that he fancied her anyway, and him meeting her in secret makes it seem even more true!

I have just really had enough of everything now. Just shouted at DD for not looking after DS properly (it's not her job and I was completely unfair and know that and have apologised). DS had once again pulled everything out of a cupboard, and I started putting them back in AGAIN and lost my temper and threw my hairdrier on the floor. Breaking it in two!!!

I'm even a crap mother today as well as everything else!

I just want to get in bed and curl up and cry (as opposed to sitting here and crying).

I think you are seriously depressed darling and FWIW I don't think you have anything to worry about with this text. He will probably have an affair if you continue to push him away though - he's only human.

I WISH my dp paid me as much attention in the bedroom as yours does. At least your dp talks about wanting you and tells you you're a muppet - with us, if I don't make the effort (and I don't as I'm very self conscious as you are) then nor does he. I'd get loads more action if he would be as forthright with me as yours is with you.

Me and DP only have sex every 4/5 days (and quite often only once a week) so not often at all.

But I do think that, if I had more confidence and came onto him, then we would probably have more.

Guess we both need to give that a try Wist!

DP isn't forthcoming with compliments (his excuse being that I have thrown them back at him so many times that he doesn't bother anymore). And when I am feeling crappy he doesn't always reassure me (cause he is sick of doing so I guess).

But - he does tell me I am being stupid (or a numpty, muppet, freak, weirdo) when I freak out about him not fancying me, and he does give me a cuddle every night in bed.

And when I ask him if he thinks I am fat (or if he makes a comment about a fat person on TV or who we know and I say that he must think that of me also) he says that he doesn't think I am fat.

So I guess he does try in his own way?????

The problem is, no matter what he says, I KNOW what I look like! And I KNOW that I am fat.

Rally do wish you were local so we could meet up Wist , would probably do us both some good! You really do sound like a lovely person and I am grateful to you for taking the time to talk to me!

Every 4-5 days?? - try once every 6-8weeks! I know a lot of that is my issue because of pain but even so you do sound as though you have a far more pro-active dp than me!

I'm not moaning though; he says he's fine with it the way it is - but I do always wonder if he's being entirely honest.

I don't know why you ask him all those questions though because you still believe your own answers not his, if you see what I mean.

Can you try to believe him when he says that he doesn't think you're fat? I've said before we are far more critical than men are.

I know, I never believe what he says. Guess I would like him to say the nice things without me having to ask though!

Just told me that he is going out for a beer tonight, so I immediately started panicing(sp), asking him to behave (said he always does), asking him if he loves me and fancies me and if he wants someone else. (Again not believing his replies anyway cause don't see how he could possibly want to be with me).

Said he doesn't want anyone else because he is content with what he has. So then I started saying 'I don't want you to just be content, I want you to be happy with me, don't want you to have settled with me'.

As for the being fat thing, I guess I don't believe him when he says he doesn't 'think' I am fat. Cause it is a fact! I KNOW I am fat!

Your back (assuming that is the pain you were refering to) being that bad, is there really nothing the doctors can do to help. I know you have been to see them lots but surely with the advances in medical science there must be something???

Must be awful for you!

Why can't you all go for a beer (with dcs)?

No, nothing they can do, other than operate for the 3rd time which would probably cause even more nerve and tissue damage and I could end up in a wheelchair, at present I would rather walk in pain than be pain free in a chair tbh!

You have homework!:

DO NOT today (just one day) mention anything to do with either your weight, general attractiveness - unless a positive remark - him being good, well behaved, faithful etc etc etc to him and give him a big fat kiss before and after he goes for his pint without any insecure conversation - please? I know it's hard but you admit how pointless all the questions are so for today, bite that lip.

It is a 'night' out, not an afternoon drink.

We never do the afternoon at the pub anymore, which is a shame cause I really enjoy a few beers in a beer garden somewhere.

If we all go out it is more expensive anyway though. (And I would suggest that DP forgo two nights out with his friend for one afternoon out for all of us, but I know that he wouldn't agree).

The way he sees it is that he works hard (or meets other women for lunch/dinner/quick shag as we know) so he deserves a night out ocassionally.