Am I being a psycho bitch?????

[psychobitch]

Partner started job in new department yesterday and had told me that he had his own office, fair enough.

He called me yesterday from his 'new desk' saying that he has the office all to himself this week. Confused I said that I thought that he had the office to himself all the time anyway? He said no he shares with someone.

Turns out this someone is a woman, which I know I shouldn't have an issue with.

But why has he not mentioned it in the 2 months leading upto him starting the job?

Had a bit of a row about it yesterday, then when we went to bed last night I just had it going round and round my mind and got more and more paniky and worried about it. So when DS woke for a feed at 1:30am, I asked DP why he hadn't told me before.

Asked if he fancied her? If there was something I should know? He just got angry with me.

He said at one point that he wouldn't do anything to risk his home and family (pointed out that he never mentioned me in that, but he said I am part of his family).

Never actually said no he doesn't fancy her or gave a reason why he never mentioned her before. He wouldn't even tell me her name!!!!!!!!

He then came downstairs and slept on the sofa, said he is so close to walking out cause he is sick of me and me accusing him of things.

We are clearly now not talking, he was gone when I got up. I just feel like sitting and crying.

Am I being paranoid? Or a psycho bitch?

Ruby, I think PB knows that, and this thread is for her to get some support as she gets help and works her way though this

Ruby firstly welcome to MN, little piece of advice - please read the entire thread or at least some of it before you give advice, I am sure you mean well but Star is trying to work through things, she already knows it is wrong, we all do. This site is for support and help.

okey doke, Sorry, I didn't mean to offend.

You haven't! It's easy to come on here and wade in - just sometimes if you only read the end of a thread you can get the wrong idea/ have a knee jerk reaction.
Don't be put off MN -

Thanks very much

Suprise Suprise, couldn't get a doctors appointment ! Will have to try again next week.

Was invited out last night (by DP's friends wife who I shall call 'A') and was reluctant but did go in the end. Not sure it was the right decision. Right this may get a little complicated & confusing .......

'A' used to be very large but has lost loads of weight, another person ('B') who was out wants to lose loads of weight, so they talked about it most of the night!!!!

Most depressing! Had a few laughs in between but by the end of the night I felt like crying (but didn't). However 'B' had 'A' in tears!!

'B' basically told 'A' (who I do kind of class as a friend but rarley see her) that she wasn't the prettiest out of the three of us! But that she was the thinnest! (No idea how on earth she thought that this was appropriate converstion).

Then 'B' went on to say that as we both need to lose weight 'A' should tell us how to do it.

Now I don't have an issue with that as such, except 'B' didn't actually know that I want to lose weight (I've only met her twice before), and if I had been happy as I am would have been extremely pissed off (and hurt) by her telling me I am fat!!! Also, I don't need someone to tell me how to lose weight! I already know what to do but putting it in practice is the hard part.

AND 'B' was talking like we were both the same, when she weighs 6 stone more than me!!!!!! So now I am thinking that I must look worse that I thought for her to be talking like that .

So now feeling rubbish. Can't go to the gym today as DP and kids are out, and am here with a poorly DS!! So have just had a 'Healthy Living' Vegetarian Lasagne(sp) AND CHIPS!!!!

Some people just like to point out other peoples failings as they feel inadequate about themselves.
At least you are already going to the gym and trying to eat a bit better, so what if you had some chips, they go perfectly with lasagna .
Keep on at the doctors!

You're reacting to her insecurity about her weight; which is exactly what she wanted you to do. Don't let her win! You are already making steps and IMO just going to the gym deserves a huge round of applause as I find it sooo boring (and impossible) after a long day.
Please don't be disillusioned, try to talk to A on your own, she sounds like she'd be a far better influence on you - if I know B (as B's tend to be) she will try to encourage you to eat bad foods/ take less exercise to justify herself and her failings.

Oh will I ever get any peace today!!!!!!! I am SO tired and really want to sit in front of the TV with my feet up.

Got around 2 1/2 hours sleep last night. DS is ill and I stayed up with him as DP is also feeling under the weather, finally got DS to sleep at 4am and he woke me at 6:30am. I think it is really starting to catch up with me now!

I must confess to having a little trouble sticking to my diet on days I am not going to the gym .

Note to self - I WILL, from Monday, stick to diet ALL DAYS, not just days I am at the gym!
I will also avoid people who have a negative effect on me, until I am in a position to say that I am more content with who I am!

Apparantly the less sleep you get, the more you are likely to eat. Something about the body needing extra fuel when you are tierd.
So see if your DP can watch the kids for a couple of hours so you can get some extra zzzz

Hi Star, sorry I haven't been on for a few days. Your so-called 'friend' 'B' sounds like not only is she overweight, but she also has immensely big feet! And a big mouth to put them in ! I bet 'A' wasn't too impressed with her comment about her looks!

I put on an old skirt this morning that is a M&S size 10 that I bought a few years ago when I lost a little weight. I LOVE M&S as their sizing is very good for the ego (I reckon I'm really a size 14/15 if such exists . Trouble is, the waist's a bit tight and I've had to leave the button undone. Am thinking of cutting down on my carbs over the summer as that worked for me before. Cutting down on fat didn't (I'm a fan of a moderate Atkins-style diet - low carbs but NOT no carbs or I'll faint). And a few chips won't hurt if you're keeping up the exercise.

It does sound as if you need a break - especially as you're with children all day, which must be one of the most exhausting jobs there is. Can you manage a bit of time out with DP, once he and DS are better? As we all said before, it doesn't have to be expensive, just an evening in the garden with a bottle of wine and a candle helps DP and me unwind, and creates a romantic mood - that's if the rain keeps off .

And do keep away from his mobile. I was once tempted by DPs, but luckily I don't know how it works. You can find out things you wish you hadn't (I know a teenager who found out through checking his phone, that her dad had another child by his new partner, that he'd said nothing about to anyone, not even his ex-wife, let alone his children by his ex-wife. Caused HUGE trauma and ructions) - and you can also find out things that are completely harmless, but may loom large if you're feeling insecure - like your DP texting a joke to an ex-colleague who happens to be female. It was probably quite harmless, but because you're struggling, it makes you feel bad.

Any luck with getting that GP appointment?

Feeling really really crappy at the moment .

DP slept on the sofa Sunday night as he was coughing loads and didn't want to wake DS. Being alone, and as it was so bloody hot, I slept naked.

When I woke in the morning, I know that DP had been in the bedroom, and I wasn't covered by the duvet so he must have seen me naked.

I WAS MORTIFIED. Text him to ask him and he just told me I was being silly. Worried about it all day and put big shorts and tshirt on for bed last night.

DP stripped me off in bed, was very dark, and we had sex. And I am ashamed to admit that I had tears running down my face the entire time, then afterwards sat in the bathroom and cried.

Not cause I didn't want DP, just cause I am so ashamed of how I look.
I swear that if he could have seen my face he would have thought that I found HIM repulsive. I grimmaced every time he put his hands on me and just wanted the earth to open up and swallow me (would have had to have been a bloody big hole though).

I just kept thinking that he was thinking of the woman who he is sharing an office with and wanted her instead of me (still hasn't mentioned her or told me her name, and no I haven't asked, but how is it possible for her to never come up in conversation???).

What the hell could he possibly see in a fat ugly psycho bitch like me?

Still can't get into doctors (can't even get an appointment for DS), now have to wait till Friday and can't go then cause will have too many kids with me!

I really think you should sit down with your DP and let him know how your feeling and what your going through. I am sure he loves you and would want to help! Do you have any Family you can leave the kids with on Friday or ask DP to come home early so you can see the doctor. Sweet heart you sound so depressed and upset and I am sure your DP will want to support you good luck x

Star - you sound so depressed love. I think your DP stripping you off was probably his way of telling you that he does love you and still finds you sexy - maybe especially after seeing you naked NOT despite. Men aren't very good at saying what they mean sometimes but the way you describe his actions sounds more like a man who still wants his wife sexually to me.

You have to get some help. Did you ask for a phone consult with your GP? - tell the receptionists it's an emergency.

I have followed this thread, but have not posted until now. It is really clear that you have a serious problem that is gravely affecting your quality of life. This is an illness, and you MUST get proper treatment. It is not about the little individual things (your DP working in an office with a woman, him seeing you naked, your need to seek reassurance each time he goes out), but about the underlying cause, which sounds like a case of severe anxiety/depression.
It is possible for you to get passed this, but it will take some work. IMHO You need to see a CBT psycologist, who will help you to bring your thinking back in line with reality. Medication might also be necessary. Also, you could google anxiety and see the "checking" behaviours described, which might help you to understand why you seek reassurance, and how ultimately these behaviours just lead to you feeling more anxious.
this book is brilliant, and my psycologist used it with me when I was being treated for an anxiety disorder that focused on my health. It helps you to examine your thinking, and test the evidence.
It is also important to explain to your Dp that you are ill, and you are aware that you are not acting fairly.

My heart bleeds for you, I just wish I could help you.

If you can afford to see a psycologist privately it will be the best money you will ever spend. I think they charge around £50 an hour, but you could just have one session a month, and do lots of work in between.

Go in and ask them how on earth you are meant to get an appointment.
Mines is tommorow, can't wait but thats another thread!

DP knows that I have suffered from depression for years but he doesn't understand. He is also, understandably, sick of being made to suffer for how I feel about myself.

DP isn't really the romantic type, so if I try to set a romantic atmosphere I always just end up feeling embarrased. Tried to do a romantic meal for our anniversary, and it was nice and we sat at the dinning table together once the kids were out of the way. But once the meal was finished it was just back to watching TV again.

Would love for us to be able to go out much more than we do (once every couple of months or so), but there is noone to babysit regularly, and can't afford it.

DP does go out alone, and he often offers to pay for me to go out (even though he would probably have to borrow it from his mum) but I rarely have anyone to go out with (Friday night was the first time I have been out without DP since xmas).

Would also love to be able to afford to see a private psychotherapist, but no chance!

I do know that DP stripping me off was his way of saying 'I don't hate you naked', just like when he cuddles me in bed he always goes to put his hand towards my stomach even though he knows that I will move it straight from there.

I just can't help how I feel about myself. And it isn't like it is all in my imagination. I am huge!!!!!! I honestly do not understand how anyone could possibly find me attractive.

Meant to say earlier - good to hear from you again Tanee!

Wisteria - I will mail you when I get chance (if you still don't mind), promise!!! But still not convinced DP could ever find me sexy . Looking in the mirror ends any illusion I have of that!

And why can't he find you attractive?
Is he the same as when you both first met?
My DP hates his 'belly' but its nothing to me, its him I love and still fancy him.
You've got your tummy through having HIS children, whats not to love.

Star forgive me for this please but I'm going to be a bit challenging here....

Have you ever experienced somebody else telling you how you feel or what you must think?
I have (many times) and I find it quite insulting tbh - your dp, I should imagine, is a grown up and perfectly capable of thinking his own thoughts and feeling his own emotions. He doesn't feel yours (however unbelievable that may seem to you) and he doesn't see what you see when you look in the mirror. Women are the absolute best at distorting their body image when confronted with a mirror and low self esteem.

Please, please try and give your dp a little credit for being in control of his own emotions and feelings. He is doing all these things to try to prove to you that he still fancies you (I think). You seem to be projecting your thoughts onto him which isn't fair. You can change your body shape into something you feel more in tune with but I don't believe that you will be able to do this until you decide to love yourself from within, speaking from personal experience I felt I was really fat and had similar feelings to what you describe when I was a size8 and 8 stone as well as now (much bigger) and I'd give anything to look like that again, believe me. I think you are in desperate need of some CBT/P (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy/ Psychotherapy) and however skint it may make you it would be worth the debt in the long run. You are entitled to 6 free sessions on the NHS and that can be extended if the counsellor feels that it is necessary, but you have to take control and demand that your GP sees you - if it is too difficult then change doctors.
I know this all sounds very brutal and harsh and I haven't got myself quite sorted yet either but your situation is beginning to sound quite desperate.

Do you tell your dp the things that you say on here and does he talk to you? It seems from your posts that there is a lack of real communication between you on a basic level.

Hi Star , I think Wisteria's right - do, do DO make your GP see you - do whatever you can to get someone to look after the children if need be, but DO get that appointment. Everything you say about your dp shows that he loves and fancies you - and you do have an illness, it's in your mind, not your body. Even huge ladies can be beautiful - and some corny old film had the line, 'A woman is beautiful only when she is loved' - very corny, and not totally true, but love does endow even the plainest of us with beauty.

We all have bits of ourselves we don't like - I hate my tummy, which sometimes makes me look 5 months pregnant - but if you're crying when he makes love to you, if you feel so hideous, it really, really needs to be sorted out love, you need to learn how to rethink your self-image. Even a few free sessions on the NHS will be a start.

Hi Tanee

Halloo Wisteria! How's your garden growing? Mine's looking very lush with all the rain, but I do wish it would stop (very bored with mowing the lawn twice a week!)

You're lucky if you can get to mow it twice a week, we managed it on Saturday (that would be the 'we' that's me saying mow the lawn and him saying oh god do I have to??). It's looking very lush as you say but my tomatoes are still looking sorry for themselves and I haven't done any of the work I was supposed to do this week so far because some bastard put superglue on my office chair and I've been stuck on MN for 2 days - if I am on here tomorrow then please boot me up the proverbial and make me do some work..... did finish my tax return on Monday though