Am I being a psycho bitch?????

[psychobitch]

Partner started job in new department yesterday and had told me that he had his own office, fair enough.

He called me yesterday from his 'new desk' saying that he has the office all to himself this week. Confused I said that I thought that he had the office to himself all the time anyway? He said no he shares with someone.

Turns out this someone is a woman, which I know I shouldn't have an issue with.

But why has he not mentioned it in the 2 months leading upto him starting the job?

Had a bit of a row about it yesterday, then when we went to bed last night I just had it going round and round my mind and got more and more paniky and worried about it. So when DS woke for a feed at 1:30am, I asked DP why he hadn't told me before.

Asked if he fancied her? If there was something I should know? He just got angry with me.

He said at one point that he wouldn't do anything to risk his home and family (pointed out that he never mentioned me in that, but he said I am part of his family).

Never actually said no he doesn't fancy her or gave a reason why he never mentioned her before. He wouldn't even tell me her name!!!!!!!!

He then came downstairs and slept on the sofa, said he is so close to walking out cause he is sick of me and me accusing him of things.

We are clearly now not talking, he was gone when I got up. I just feel like sitting and crying.

Am I being paranoid? Or a psycho bitch?

Good to hear from you Tanee!

I really will try my damndest to get into the doctors tomorrow. Will pester the receptionists till they give me an appointment if I have to.

DP called earlier to see if parcel to be collected had gone, said no and he said ok then. Asked if that was all he had to say so he asked how the kids were, then joked that he only meant DS and SS and NOT my DD.

Asked him if we could talk tonight as we clearly have lots to sort out, he said like what, and I said well that depends on if he wants to sort it out. To which he said nothing. End of phone call. SO I am still non the wiser as to what the hell to do, but I can't just forget all the horrid things he said to me.

So stressed out and really want a break from everything!

And by the way!!! 4/5 times a week I wish ! Every 4/5 days in fact (and that is the maximum, never ever more than that).

Try to relax about his DS. When you say sometimes it seems he treats him better than your own DS I am absoultely sure that he DOES do this, to make up for the guilt at not being around all the time; it isn't anything to do with loving one more or less than the other...

so pleased that you will go to the doctors. x

Hi Star

I have just taken about an hour to read the whole thread, am knackered! But I did feel I wanted to offer some words of support.

You are definitely experiencing the peeks and troughs of depression. When it's good, it's good (sex every 4 or 5 days, your DP is a VERY lucky man!), but when its bad its REALLY bad.

I think once you get back to the docs and get yourself some more pills you will start to feel better. However as we all know, pills don't fix it and you definitely need councelling of some kind.

From what I've read DP has done NOTHING to justify the thoughts you have....it's not like he strayed before and it's playing on your mind. He has been 100% faithful, but he is getting nothing but grief for it! It's almost as if you WANT him to have strayed so that you can justify your thoughts. Unconciously you are pushing him as hard as you can so that you can say "see i told you you didn;t love me, I told you you fancied someone else" In a sick way you want to be right so that you can fit into the victim role. Now i'm not saying any of that is deliberate...you are an intelligent lady who's ill, but equally your dp is an intelligent man who isn't ill and as we know even the best men out there do not have a flipping clue what planet we are on most of the time! You are expecting him to understand how you are feeling without actually telling him.

I bet the poor bloke tortures himself daily with what he should and shouldn't say to you, its not like he's only been getting this for a few weeks, he has been accused and questioned for a few years now - thats enough to send anyone to end of their tether.

When I first met my DH, he was like you a bit....we would go out together but he would beady eye me all night....if i dared go out alone, 20 questions and then would ring me constantly....very embarrasing. we would have huge rows...."you don't love me" "why don't i love you" "i can tell" He had NO foundation at all for any of his thoughts. He would say, "you'll snog someone won't you?" I would say "why would i snog anyone?" he would say "cos i know what you're like"....so he would turn his insecurities into my fault.....we got sooooo close to splitting up. Then we got married! It was like someone flipped a switch. Now we have kids we have to take in turns going out and occasionally we go out together. I do think it is VERY important having your own social circle and your own friends. Going to the gym is defo a good start.

I've lost track of what i was saying now, but long and short of it was i started to crave normal company, chatting with someone who wanted to talk and listen and your DP is going to want the same - even if he is nice to you he gets nothing in return, very soon he is going to stop trying.

you need to get yourself straight, get your confidence back, love yourself and then you might start to believe that he loves you too.

Good luck, take care
xxxx

Maybe I wouldn't hate him going out so much if I went out ocassionally myself. Been out without him 8 times since I moved down here 20 months ago. And probably about the same with him since then. He goes out every other week.

If we go out together I have to be really careful otherwise I end up crying or arguing with him (or both) cause of how I feel about myself.

I feel like I have nothing to offer him anymore. He isn't interested in hearing my tales of childminding (and accuses me of putting a certain mindee before my own kids which pisses me off more than you can imagine).

I really don't want to feel like this anymore. I want a life of my own. I lived on my own with my daughter for 4 years before moving down, worked full time and had a social life (not great cause of DD but had babysitters every other weekend or so).

Don't get me wrong, I did still get jealous and was insecure and on and off anti depressants throughout this time, but at least I had people to talk to and friends who could pop in to see me if I couldn't go out and family that I saw several times a week.

I don't regret moving (not at this precise moment anyway but that changes) but I do feel terrible that DD misses her family so much, and hate that DS doesn't even know them!

The fact I moved at all seems so pointless when DP says the kind of things he said to me last night.

Meeely2 - thank you for taking the time to read my thread . I really do need all the advice I can get!

hi star, how are things today?

Been to Doctors this morning, insisted on a different female doctor as my usual one wasn't there, and she was actually very nice.

Has prescribed an anti depressant, different to what I was on before at my request (can't put any more weight on) and said she will discuss my weight with me when I go back in a fortnight (mentioned tablets and things that can be prescribed). Didn't want me to make decisions about it in my current state. Although she was careful to state that I arn't actually fat (not that I believe her of course).

My main problem now is not having the money to get the new antidepressants till Friday as I am SO skint.

Also have no money for Diet Coke or alcohol and there is very little juice left so need to leave it for the kids, so feeling pretty crappy about that (I HATE DRINKING WATER and only do so at the gym).

Other than that, feeling ok, me and DP talked last night and I told him how I feel about a lot of things and he told me things too, without arguing.

DP has been off today and has been quite helpful (made me breakfast, DD asked if it was my birthday as it was strange for him to be doing things for me, made me laugh).

Bad cramps today though so haven't gone to the gym tonight and feel guilty for that.

Thank you for asking how I am X

Hello - Star

Sorry I've not been around but it sounds like you've had some great input from others, if things are so bad that you can't afford a prescription and juice then why FFS can your dp afford to go out for a drink? I'm sorry but no matter how your finances work, if things are as bad as that then he must realise and put more in. It's a partnership and you have to roll with the bad times.

But well done for getting to the docs. Personally I would get the pills and give the dcs water for a while - it will be more beneficial in the long run honey xx

Cat me, pyscho and we can sort out the prescription problem.

Hello

Have a really bad caffiene withdrawl headache at the moment! I drink far too much diet coke I know but I just really like at and there are worse things I could be having!

Hey Wisteria! Nice to hear from you. And I know that you are right about DP being able to afford a night out, and he was scrimping together every penny he could for me yesterday so that I could buy a little food, but I guess that he doesn't think he should give up his night out???? Not a subject I have brought up. He pays his bills and I pay mine. Just not very sucessfully at the moment due to lack of funds! He says that we agreed what we would each pay before I moved and that if I couldn't afford that I should have said so then.

To be honest I put my last £10 in the car on Sunday as he needed to go to his mums and there was hardly any petrol. As he only put £20 in the week before, and he hardly uses the car (as he constantly reminds me and the £20 he put in was a rarity), couldn't be doing with the hassle of him having to put more in.

Have even had to call my sister and ask her not to cash a cheque that her sent her for nephews birthday present till Friday as it will bounce.

Anyway, last mindee's have just gone home for the day (mindee free now till tomorrow) and parent said will pay me in the morning, so i will get my presceiption then!

(Thank you squiffy for whatever help you were going to offer though )

Hi sweetie (I have a caffeine headache too but mine's from coffee!)

You know the more you talk about the relationship you have with dp the more I feel (and I may be jumping to conclusions I know) that this inequality in your relationship is at least partially responsible for your insecurities.
The way you speak about finances etc, you sound more like flatmates than partners and I just wondered if you could discuss it a bit more with him. I know things are different when it's a 2nd relationship for you both sometimes, but you also have a child together which, IMVHO should balance it all out. It's fab to have 'my money' 'your money' when you

a) can afford it or
b) are both earning on an equal footing

but after dcs come along things generally change - I think the majority of MN-ers would agree.
We started like that, paying a set rate in each, but after I had to stop f/t work with my back things became difficult for me financially so he put more in - in fact most of what he earns tbh, and there is absolutely no way my dp would even consider going out if I couldn't afford a prescription or food for the dcs and we don't have one together yet!

I really think you and dp need to sort this out - where is the love in this relationship?

I confess to keeping things secret from him though. I don't always tell him how skint I am.

Thing is he says he's skint but then still goes out, so I don't think he realises what skint really means.

And he does already pay loads more than me each month (about twice what I pay out) and lends me money all the time which I can hardly ever afford to pay back!

If I only had joint bills to pay I would be fine financially. But I have two credit cards and a store card and a loan. Maxed cards out buying food and xmas and birthday presents and putting petrol in my car when I was on maternity and before I got going with childminding. Without my own debts I wouldn't have a problem. Why should he have to pay for my personal debts (he did settle some of my debts when I moved but I have built them back up again)?

Your DH sounds lovely by the way

'Maxed cards out buying food and xmas and birthday presents and putting petrol in my car'
I can't see how this is a 'personal' debt Star.

Anyway it's irrelevant in a way - as we all see and do things differently and that is the way it should be. There is a fundamental issue here though IMHO which is that you have a medical problem which needs addressing asap before either your relationship or (more importantly) your mental health deteriorates any further. From what you have said it seems that your dp wants to help you to get sorted but you don't feel that you can ask him for the £6-£7 it costs for a prescription.
Hopefully you have it now and will feel a whole lot better in a few weeks but I think the two of you would benefit from some really decent conversations about the relationship in general.
Maybe I have got the wrong idea from your posts but there sounds as if there is an awful lot of yours and mine etc in what is supposed to be a partnership. If you didn't have ds together this would be understandable but you are caring for your ss as well.
Hope you are feeling a bit better now you have the tablets sweetie.

Yes my dp is a sweetie and very supportive but he comes with his own issues too and can be a right royal PITA (last night being a particularly good example which I won't go in to) - we all have parts of ourselves that are less than desirable, it's just a question of weighing up the good against the bad!

By the way, don't think I've abandoned you but we're away at a wedding on Saturday then on our hols for a fortnight so I will be absent for a while xx

DP does help me out whenever he can, and I never told him I was going to the doctors and would be needing a prescription until the morning I was going.

Although he clearly does have more money than me, he still isn't loaded and he is the only one who buys things for the house and pays for days out with the kids and for us to go out. And he is paying for the car which I have all the time, I just pay insurance and most of the petrol, he has to walk or cycle to the station.

And as I have said before, he is always lending me money, and I only manage to pay him back half the time!

Anyway, enough about that. Hope that you have a great holiday (you lucky thing, think that is one thing I really need at the moment) and hopefully I will be much more positive and happier by the time you get back!

Well maybe it sounds worse than it really is from your posts then Star. I know he sounds lovely in a lot of your posts too.
I will have a good holiday - PMT raging at the mo though which is not a good sign at all as it is dp's sisters wedding tomorrow...... 'nuff said!
We had a blazing row last night about him not stacking the dishwasher properly so the plates don't clean - really think I need to get a grip!

Have to admit, annoys me that DP doesn't even try to stack the dishwasher!!!

Men, can't live with them, can't shoot them !

Am being a terribly naughty girl and haven't started taking my new antidepressants yet. Need to look them up as they say NO alcohol on the enclosed leaflet (hoping I can find research that says doesn't really matter), which I find really hard to deal with, which I know is a symptom of the depression, but still bloody difficult to do!

I feel I need my bottle of wine on a night (only on nights I don't go to the gym but can't go every night). I know this is wrong, but can't seem to stop it!

I am sure that the wedding will be great, as will your holiday.

I am working tomorrow, can't afford to turn down any work, and although the children I am having and lovely, still wish I wasn't. Never mind, I shall think of it as another bill paid for a month!!

Have a great time
XX

Hi Star, sorry I'm not on too much at moment as am having a few days off & try not to go onthe computer too much at home. Dp's here for a few days before he returns to Norfolk & I want to have a bit of time with him (except he's either too tired or working on his script ).

Incidentally, every 4-5 days sounds pretty normal - I didn't even get it every 4-5 years when I was married !

Am really glad you got to the doctor's & that she was so helpful. Now start taking the tablets!

As the others have said, there do seem to be a raft of issues for you and dp to talk over. I do know how difficult money can be. I have been carrying dp for the last 6 months when he wasn't working, and it was very hard, especially as i like my treats.

Have to go now, but hope things will improve with the tablets.

alcohol is a depressant and caffeine makes you anxious - you don't need that adding to the mix now! I know stopping them is hard but you will see a huge benefit in how you feel emotionally and also in your weight. If you can't stop do cut right down. If I have one drink a night, every night, I put on 2 pounds a week and I'm very active.

Give him a break, he doesn't choose who he works with. Give him a hug and apologize.

Hope you and your DP really enjoy your time together Tanee !

PS - I started the tablets today, so fingers crossed for me!!!!!

Hi Star (and Tanee!)
Just thought I'd drop in to check out for my hols - really hope things start to get better when you do start the tablets, when I had to stop for a bit I found that drinking tonic water or plain chilled water from a wine glass with lemon helped until I had got used to the effect of my tablets - not ADs but pretty hefty other stuff which advises not to drink. I think as your system gets used to things it's easier to judge it and research is good. Naturally Docs would probably disagree but I asked others on the same meds as me first and didn't overdo it (ie wasn't slaughtered.....) Will probably have to do that myself in a couple of weeks as no doubt I will overdo it in France (would be rude not to really; when in Rome etc ).

Tanee - enjoy your time with dh, you sound really happy he's back !

Take care Star - will speak soon x

Star, well done! try Wisteria's no alcohol substitutes as it WILL be worth it in the long run.

Wisteria, have a great time in France and look forward to hearing from you soon.

I'm aching all over from demolishing a huge buddleia yesterday (I can now see a loverly fuschia that was completely buried, and there's light in our front room again.

Yes, it's lovely having dp home, but he and dd are vieing for my attention, so it's a bit hard too. Not sure which one is the child - I think it may be dp!

Oh, and he's had to dye his hair brown for his role. Makes him look 10 years younger if you ignore the wrinkles .

Lucky wisteria! Sunning herself in France !

Hi Tanee, glad that you and DP are enjoying the time together. Hope you are making the most of it!

I had a bit of a psycho moment last night!

TMI WARNING!

Me and DP were in bed and he came onto me for sex. I of course didn't say no (have taken to wearing my nice nighties and have bannished the shorts and t-shirt to the wardrobe 'for now'). Anyway, all night was awake cause just kept thinking 'we only did it three nights ago' and we NEVER do it that regularly. So I had going round and round my mind that he was thinking of someone else. He was texting someone earlier on and convinced myself it was his 'friend' and that chatting to her had made him horny, and therefore just using me as a release cause noone better was there.

Never said anything to him (more thanks to the lack of alcohol than anything else I feel) except 'you don't want anyone else do you', to which he said no (and rolled his eyes).

Anyway, just thought I would share that psycho moment! Psycho bitch is well and truly still around!!!!!

Hi Star, I'm back at work. Had a nice week with dp, feeling more relaxed together than we've done for awhile and he apologised for having been so difficult the last few months. He's always happier when working and Norfolk's a lovely place to spend a summer. I'm going up to visit him next week.

Well done you for holding back a bit on your last 'psycho' moment. How are you now? Can you keep working on the thought that actually he might just be fancying YOU? - it could be....