Husband on Tinder!!

[chunkymonkeysmama]

I was destroyed last night to find out by a fluke that my supposedly loyal and loving DH has set himself up a profile on Tinder!!

I was unplugging the baby monitor and thought i would unplug his phone and give it to him at the same time. As i unplugged it, the screen lit up and there was a notification on there: Tinder - you have a new match.

I was absolutely floored by this we have a yound DD and I thought he was my soul mate. We have been married 3 years. I confronted him immediately and he tried to say "it's not what you think!" Errr yes it is!!!

I demanded he showed me the profile and he had used a fake pic, fake name and fake city.

I went absolutely ballistic and demanded to know why?! Eventually he admitted it was for 'wank material' and said I haven't been paying him much attention! I said 'Don't you dare fucking blame me!" I work full time, sort all the household bills and chores whilst juggling our young DD and older children and still give him sex 2-3 times a week!

If it was just for a wank then he would be on the usual porn apps but this is real contact with real women! I suspect he has tried to steer conversations with thess women to become sexual and pic swapped etc.

He will have been sat opposite me in thd lounge whilst messaging them or swiping pics, all whilst i look after our child. He spends quite a bit of time in the toilet too, i guess i know why now!!

I have told him to get himself a solicitor as I can never forgive this! Even if he didn't physically meet anyone, just by going behind my back and setting the account up is cheating in my eyes. He broke our vows and has no respect for me or our family.

I am so hurt. I loved him so much and have alwsys been there for him, supported him through some tough times and this is how i get repaid?!

Our poor DD will now have a part time Dad, all because he has been selfish and thinks with his dick!

I don't know what I am expecting from this post, just needed to vent. I have told my close RL friends and they are absolutely gobsmacked as none of us thought he would ever do anything to hurt/cheat on me.

I just feel like i never really knew him

You're amazing xxx

Wow, your strength is so admirable OP. If you were to try again the trust would be gone, it would be a different marriage. Your right .. THAT marriage is over.

That loan thing would have really pissed me off too. And hugely underscores the trust problem.

I'm sorry you are going through this and understand your disappointment. I understand your decision to divorce, but could I just ask others:

I would be floored by all this as well, but could probably forgive and move on. I believe everyone has weak moments, and as long I believe trust could be rebuilt etc. and he is genuinely sorry I would probably stay in the marriage. In my view life is a roller coaster and while some people may be abusive and the relationship should end, partners do make mistakes, have moments of poor judgement etc. Do I have poor boundaries and am I naive?

@catflapuk everyone's got their own boundaries, at the end of the day the choice would be yours. For me though a 'partner' making the conscious decision to set up a dating profile isn't a moment of poor judgement, it's a choice made thinking they can get away with it and shows complete lack of respect for the person they supposedly love.
Life can be a rollercoaster yes, but there's nothing stopping you getting off or choosing a different theme park.
Without wanting to sound too harsh, I personally would see you as a bit of a mug if you were to stay with someone who'd treat you like that

Thanks! I see your point and do agree.

I grew up in a toxic family, so often struggle to see what's reasonable and what isnt.

@hellsbellsmelons Thank you. Just got back from having my nails done and looking forward to tonight 🤗

@NextNewUserName Aww no, not another devious twat! I am so sorry to hear that. Just do what is right for you but know that if you decide to dump his disloyal ass that you can be ok on your own! Do you have friends that you can confide in? X

@Snuggz Thank you. I think you are right, they take the chance despite the risks and think that they can talk you round should they get caught!!
I really do feel like he has destroyed the fairytale that I believed we had together and it would forever be tainted even if i had tried to give him a chance.

This has been the straw that's broken the camels back. There has been quite a few instances of him being selfish and i moved on from it, but this is next level selfish!

As my lovely nan would say
He’s shit in his own nest.

My exh thoughts a few phone calls would put it right with his ow when he told her he was in Dubai looking for a job, apartment etc
He was actually on a family holiday at our villa in Florida
As she found out when my daughter posted her a letter from Celebration.
She dumped him on the spot and never went back.
He was gutted over that.

Anyway he soon found ow number two who put up with his Schtick

Well done chunky... everyone should read your post on how to do it

Btw February birthdays suck
Got mine coming up in a couple of weeks

@Sproutsandall

Thanks. I hope that anyone else in this kind of situation can feel inspired by my actions. We should never feel forced to give these disloyal Husbands/Partners another chance 'for the sake of the kids'.

I can't live a life wondering if my DH is creeping about behind my back. That would drive me insane!

@user1479305498 Oh bloody hell, that's shit! I have always said porn doesn't bother me but of it was hard core porn every day or something then that would be another matter!

It's the deception of it that must be hurtful for you? He sold it to you as occasional use then you discover that!

If he agreed to some kind of addiction therapy, would you consider staying with him?

@SwordofGryffindor 🤟🏻 Thanks!

@wishywashy6 I am having a surprisingly nice day. Woke up to flowers and a birthday card (from DD and DStbxH names on). He had been out before i got up to get them. I thanked him. That was that.

Nails are great! 👍🏼💕

@catflapuk

I can appreciate if some people are able to try and work through these kind of things but i can't. It would always be in my mind, tainting what I believed pure.

I believed he loved me so much he would never hurt me, that he had my back. He lied!

OP I think you are awesome.
Staying strong and showing him exactly what you're made of!

I wish more women (myself included) had your guts. It's a horrible situation but clearly, you're going to be just fine. Good luck to you OP and thank you for the example you're setting here.

@SuziQ10 Thank you. Everyone on here has been very supportive and it is really appreciated 💕

@Dowser These men just don't seem to have any shame! I love your DNans old saying! 😂
You certainly deserve much more than that loser.

What date is your birthday? I hope you have a good one x

Happy Birthday to me!

Happy birthday op have a lovely night out , sounds like you deserve it

@coppercolouredtop Thanku! It was a lovely night and I even had a free cocktail from the restaurant when they discovered it was my birthday! X

I am so glad you had a lovely night and were buoyed along by your friends. I hope your fool of a STBX sat at home alone thinking about what a total dick he is, and is feeling thoroughly humiliated that his shameful behaviour is public knowledge. (Shout it from the rooftops and “accidentally” email his work if you want - after all, you weren’t behind his decision to do this!) I hope coming home wasn’t too painful for you, OP. I imagine he’s still trying to guilt-trip you.

9 years ago this week I discovered my ex was cheating. Like you I instantly took the decision to end the marriage.
I am proud that I did not let him get away with it and that I had enough self respect to say no!

9 years on I am happy, loved and thriving.

Ex - blah not so much!!!!!!

Life will continue and will bring you beautiful things. The next months won’t be easy but you have your dignity and you truly will be ok and thrive too.

You are amazing @chunkymonkeysmama . I am in awe. Keep going x