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Original poster

My mother-in-law gives my DH a Valentines card every year (he is 47!)

200 replies

Rachelsmum10 · 30/01/2019 20:18

I dont know why but this annoys me intensely. She has done this continually throughout our marriage. Uuuuurgh!!

OP posts:

Now100 · 31/01/2019 18:08

I can't believe she does the question mark thing!

Thankfully I can't imagine sending my son one, and no way would I go round his house to change the sheets. Surely one of the benefits of children becoming adults is they do that stuff themselves.

Now100 · 31/01/2019 18:10

How about you leave her a little thank you card in the bed? You might be able to out-weird her.

PussGirl · 31/01/2019 18:11

Weird as fuck, I think.

Definitely prank the bed - go on - you know you want to

QueenOfCatan · 31/01/2019 18:14

Bertrand It's a bit different if it's cultural differences, but if Mother's Day is about anything these days surely it's celebrating your own mother? I just find it odd, but then I don't get why we're so obsessed with exchanging pointless bits of card for every occasion these days regardless.

BertrandRussell · 31/01/2019 18:23

“then I don't get why we're so obsessed with exchanging pointless bits of card for every occasion these days regardless.”
I don’t either. But if somebody tries to do a nice thing it seems a bit sad to dismiss it as “odd” rather than just a different way of looking at things.

Rachelle3211 · 31/01/2019 18:43

My mom sent me one every year and sends my ds one now. Mil sends all of us one too. It's sweet.

GloomyMonday · 31/01/2019 18:47

Well not everyone celebrates the birth of baby Jesus at Christmas nowadays, and Valentines Day is allowed to move on to. I don't think it's about courtly love anymore, and it's not confined to lovers.

I have four DC and over the years they have sent cards to boy/girlfriends, best mates, recently separated work colleagues and family members. It's whatever you want it to be really isn't it?

I send dc a card every year. It started when they were younger and sad that they wouldn't get one. I sent them through the post with gifts, and also kept with the 'question mark' tradition despite verbally telling them they were from me.

When I got divorced they all started sending me one too, and they write lovely things in them. They've become a family tradition I suppose. I've suggested stopping a number of times but they don't want. Where's the harm? Who are we hurting? It feels like people are so quick to judge and mock. Some of these replies about incest and creepy behaviour make me feel really sad.

Captainj1 · 31/01/2019 18:59

My MIL send ‘anonymous’ valentines cards to my DS, writing them in childlike writing so that he thinks they are from someone at school. She wants him to think he has secret admirers. We tell him that they are from her because we don’t want him going to school and asking the girls which one sent them, it would be embarrassing for him. MIL doesn’t seem to get it, carries on every year but I guess in the grand scheme of things it’s not important. I’d probably feel similarly if she was sending them to DH - weird but not worth a kickoff.

BertrandRussell · 31/01/2019 19:16

“Some of these replies about incest and creepy behaviour make me feel really sad.”
Yep-me too. I think it’s interesting that nobody was prepared to use the incest word to me when I said my dad sent me a card every year. Why is it weird and creepy if not because incest?

GloomyMonday · 31/01/2019 20:25

Bertrand, I think it's lovely that your dad always sent you one. It probably started for a reason similar to our own family tradition. Some people are so quick to jump all over something nice, trying to make it sound creepy. It's really upset me actually. The thought that someone could think that I'm being creepy or perverted or incestuous when I send my kids a card - because they've asked me not to stop - or when they send me one, for that matter. Someone upthread actually said it was encouraging incest! Bloody hell I wouldn't want to be in some people's heads.

Kennehora · 31/01/2019 22:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DBML · 31/01/2019 23:12

(Closes card I bought for DS and puts pen back down).

Oh dear, I think I’m one of those mums!
DH and I always get DS a valentines card and gift...he’s 13 and obviously knows...gives the old eye roll, but we’ve done it since he was little and it’s become habit.

julensaor · 31/01/2019 23:23

@BertrandRussell I think the sun shines out of my ds’s bottom too. Isn’t that how it’s supposed to be?

Yes that is how it should be. For feck's sake, let the woman send her son a card if she wants, you don't own him. Jealous perhaps? that he cares about other people too. It is your own insecurity that is giving you angst.

CocoLoco87 · 31/01/2019 23:26

OP is your husband Big Paul and is his mum Gaynor?

MargotLovedTom1 · 31/01/2019 23:35

Bertrand did/does your mother send you Valentine's card too?

I do think it's a bit odd. Would think it bizarre if my dad (or mother) sent me one, or if DH gave one to our DDs. I wouldn't do it.

WendyCope · 31/01/2019 23:36

DD is getting a card from me, and always will! Criticise away!

Not odd in the slightest.

I love her.

MargotLovedTom1 · 31/01/2019 23:39

Whaddya know?! - I love my dds too!

GreenDinosaur · 01/02/2019 00:35

I thought I loved my DS a crazy amount, he is most definitely a PFB but even I'm not crossing that line, bit too weird.

HeronLanyon · 01/02/2019 00:41

My dad sent me one every year but think this made more sense than some posters appreciate because he lived in US for many years. He was also talented designer and so they were handmade and full of love. I also think this is more of a thing in the US. More from father than from mothers I think. I loved getting one and would give anything to have him still alive this year. (Sorry didn’t mean to end on a downer !)

LellyMcKelly · 01/02/2019 00:56

I think the card is sweet - she’s just letting him know she loves him. The changing of the bedding weekly though...woooooaaaah! (Though having someone else change my bedding weekly is on my bucket list)

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 01/02/2019 01:14

Just use your MILs card as a coaster for your coffee cups - my Nana did this with handmade cards I made for her as a kid - going on how it made me feel and how nasty you want to be, it'll cut her in two.

Sorry, I'm in a dark mood after a rubbishy week

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 01/02/2019 01:18

Forgot to say that i don't think sending Valentines cards to family you love is odd. I used to make Valentines cards for said Nana when I was a kid after my grandad died - trying to be nice n shit. (Waste O bloody time )

Raspberry88 · 01/02/2019 07:15

Kennehora

But why do you care what other people do!?

imanoldbattleaxe · 01/02/2019 07:34

He needs to tell her to stop!

BertrandRussell · 01/02/2019 08:08

“He needs to tell her to stop!”

Yep. What a great conversation that’ll be. “You know this sweet little thing you’ve done once a year for 40 years? Well, my wife says that means you’re an incestuous groomer and you have to stop”

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