My mother-in-law gives my DH a Valentines card every year (he is 47!)

[Rachelsmum10]

I dont know why but this annoys me intensely. She has done this continually throughout our marriage. Uuuuurgh!!

Oh didn't realise you were a man. Sorry!

Is it a tradition though or it is this mother still stamping her mark on her son. To the OP is sends a message of "he loved me first" kind of thing? The op says there's history the mother doesn't think she's good enough for the son. At 47..come on it is weird.

BertrandRussell would you send your son a valentine's card? Would you send your daughter one?

Does he have siblings Rachelsmum10 ? Does she send them valentine's cards?

I grew up thinking that valentines was all about romantic love but living in the US it really isn't here. There are cards for everyone and lots of all class gifting. My dd has a card for her best friend this year.

My mother did this for years and we are all girls.

“Oh didn't realise you were a man. Sorry!”

I’m not. I’m very amused that nobody has had the bottle to tell those of us who send cars to our children or who got them from out parents that we are wierd and creepy

Different families have different traditions. Get over it.

Cards. Sending cars would be wierd!

freezinguplands that's why I ask. The USA doesn't have things "right" any more than the UK or any other country, they just have different traditions. Whether this is weird and creepy, or lovely, or barely worth noticing, depends what tradition the DH's mum comes from. If she has 3 kids and sends her daughters valentines cards too, it clearly isn't weird. If she has 3 kids but only sends the OP's DH a card it sounds like some kind of statement, especially paired with sniping at the OP for not being good enough.

Criticising and taking over housework is the same - it absolutely could be meant as a very pointed insult to the OP personally, or it could be a loving "aren't you both hopeless" or indeed pure good hearted well intentioned help - it all depends on context.

Does it say, Happy Valentine's Day, like my mum's does to me and the DCs?
Or does it say, you're the only one for me, we're meant for each other, I pine for you?

Different families have different traditions. Get over it. eh I know that but people can have different options...accept that.

BertrandRussell

“Oh didn't realise you were a man. Sorry!”

I’m not. I’m very amused that nobody has had the bottle to tell those of us who send cars to our children or who got them from out parents that we are wierd and creepy i think we have? And my example was of a man sending his son the card. Do you think a father would do that for 47 years? I highly doubt it. Make you wonder why mothers do it.

it's more than bloody creepy to send cards to family, talk about inciting incest eww

“Make you wonder why mothers do it.”
Or why my (and others) on here’s fathers did it? Incest, amirite?

It’s clearly a tradition and started long before he met you. If your DH doesn’t mind, why should you?

I think it’s sweet.

My mum sends me one every year too. I think it's lovely, a kind gesture. Why can't people make celebrations their own? Or should only christians celebrate Christmas and Easter!?

My Dad still sends me one 🤷‍♀️

It’s all part of the “how very dare a woman have any sort of relationship with her adult son that is not mediated by the dil” trope so very common on Mumsnet. Comes from insecurity, I reckon.

I assume a birthday card would be fine with the op

It’s the Valentines part that’s odd not the card thing.

So probably not insecurity

I dont think its incestuous like the poster above i just think its weird. Like, if you want to write your son a card telling him you love him, why not send it any other day of the year? Its weird because its a valentines card which is all about Romantic love.
I think I did get a card once from my dad when i was about 8 or 9 and I actually didn't understand why he gave me it because I knew st Valentine's was about lurvve not fatherly/daughter love. The exciting bit was putting a Valentine's card in a boys school bag at school!

Oh and i love my MIL! :)

She has now taken to changing our bedding every week

Now that is interfering. I would tell her to keep out of our bedrooms.
My home is my tiny castle and nobody would be poking around in it.

Yeah I think it's really weird and a bit creepy but then again we don't do valentines in my house at all. I can sort of understand the sentiment though - she's telling her son she loves him, which is lovely, but at 47 you'd think he knows that well enough by now!

I'd leave his ironing out for her to do on the Thursday too. Result!

“I'd leave his ironing out for her to do on the Thursday too. Result!”
Now doing his ironing only and not yours would be weird!!!!!

Don't allow her to change your bedding, that's very intrusive. Definitely keep master bedroom door locked.

Valentine's Day card is really yuck and weird! It shows her lack of boundaries...

What does your DH make of the card each year?