A heartbreak support thread

[namechangedbutneedadvice]

I'm currently on day 7 of heartbreak central... split with my boyfriend of 16 months. It was a messy, semi-mutual ending but I still love him though know there's no way back from here. He's done. It's less than 2 years since I split with my husband (his 2nd affair) and I think the way I feel is a build up of heartbreak but it's just absolutely awful. It's a physical pain, totally distracting, I feel sick, no appetite at all, tearful, not sleeping. It's intolerable.

I posted a different thread about my situation but wanted to get some of us together for some support. I know I could do with some but I know it's helpful to support others too. Would you care to join? A place to offload and hopefully find a way forward xx

Sorry lifegoes l wish there was a fast rack button l could press for you all to a year from now without losing a year of your life obv. when most of you will look back and think 'oh yes him.... meh'

fastrack

@Bahhhhhumbug it's just one of those days.

It's not as I haven't been here before, I know I'll get over it and detest him. I do most the time lol. But not today

Ah hope it soon gets easier for you It's not you, cheaters don't like themselves very much l always think. You sound lovely and you will get through this xx

Awwww thank you @Bahhhhhumbug is it wrong that I just hope he suffers really badly in his life.😂😂

@napssavelives
I know, it would easier for everyone if he just said what was going on, rather than just leaving everything ticking over it. I’m in the same boat, I just think he just can’t face / accept what he is doing, easier to ignore.

@Deidre17
People are stubborn, as me and naps know well. They don’t communicate, or admit things.

@Bahhhhhumbug
I’m in the same boat, you look at yourself and start analysing why it’s always “you”, my self esteem is at a all time low. Hopefully I can put myself back together. Your right you do “mourn” that person you met, the routine, the things you planned.

@Missbee90
Don’t feel like a failure. But like I said above I do too, you always blame yourself. Years on, I still look at previous relationships where I was happy at the beginning and wonder if it was me, that caused it to go so badly. You do have them moments, whether it’s weeks, months, or years later, where you think about that person, the past, and the what ifs start.

@lifegoes
You have strong moments, and you have the moments where you start thinking and break down. It’s prob too early to go through old messages, it will be too raw at the minute. Just try block them from your mind at the minute.

@Duvetday2day I've done that this afternoon. Throwing myself into work and setting up OLD. Probably not the best idea, but it's keeping me distracted

I just can’t take the rejection. For two years we have been round in this circle. I’ve never had total commitment from him. I know him though and I believe deep down he loves me and wants to be with me. How long do I waste my life feeling insecure and inadequate?

@lifegoes
You just have to take each day as it comes celebrate the small victories and another day you survived without him.

@Deidre17

I just need to keep reminding myself out-loud, this wasn't my fault and i deserve better xx

You really do. No one deserves to be mid treated. Everyone is entitled to love, respect and honesty. It’s the fundamentals of any relationship xx

If only I could take my own advice xx

Always the same, I'm the one everyone turns to for help and advice. Yet I wouldn't listen to anyone or trust my own advice during it. Even now I still have to find advice from on here @Deidre17

But I have found offering advice on here and Reading other posts. Has helped me keep believing.

We'll both get there xxx

I wish I could sleep 💤

@lifegoes and @deidre17
I agree we don’t seem to take our own advice. I’m struggling today, just wish I had a conclusion.

@napssavelives
Hope your managing to get some rest today? It’s horrible waking up in the night, and not being able to get back to sleep. I’m on sleeping pills, I’m presume you can’t take anything due to your pregnancy?

Failing in life this evening... felt stronger the last few days. Now I’m over thinking, analysing everything, giving myself false hope.

I would just like to say to everyone on here that l remember how hard today can be, but please remember in 24 hours it will all be over. Please don't think that everyone else in the world is all loved up and in a happy relationship, they're not it just bloody seems that way today and the lead up to it.. There are probably many more people in the same boat for whatever reasons than there are happy couples l would say.
Stay strong, you are not alone, thinking of you all today x

and if its any comfort l once burst into tears walking into a Tesco s on Valentines a few years back at the sight of all the hearts and flowers and cards etc. and a lovely customer service lady dashed over to help me and sa e me from further embarrassment by taking me into a quiet corner of the cafe and stayed with me till l composed myself enough to go home. I think l posted about it on here on a kindness by strangers thread.

Another day survived. Kids in bed, il in bed. Exhausted.

@Bahhhhhumbug Today has been hard, but so was yesterday. Don’t know if it’s the “day” or just my emotions at the minute. I feel like everything is crashing down, and I can’t see a way out at the minute.

@napssavelives I’m exhausted today too, just got into bed. Felt like the day wasn’t going to end!!

Heart broken here too. Husband and I just can’t mske it work and as much as I feel so sad, I just can’t give anymore than I have. He is vile to me and has been for so long, I’m so many ways. I’ve started to mirror his behaviour back and am now someone I don’t recognise or like very much. Today beingbthe day it is....well, gone through the motions as best I could....tried with gift, card and tried to be thoughtful but I just don’t have it in me to carry on any more. It’s not reciprocated and I’m made to feel like shit about myself all the time. I feel so sad and lonely. I’d feel less lonely if I was single than I do right now as a married mother. He hasn’t slept in our bed for months. I don’t mind. Says it all really. I’m so upset but it’s over if I’m honest. He doesn’t love me anymore either and hasn’t for a long time if he is honest too. There is no respect and we don’t even try to be nice anymore. It’s like being civil for the sake of our very young children. I’ve no means to leave and he doesn’t want the kids to move out. It’s hopeless and utterly miserable

Name changed, but can i join in too...

Yesterday for Valentines I received a card and roses from DP, and then this morning a phone call from a woman he's been seeing off Tinder since last June to check he's really single.

He of course denied, claimed she's a stalker nut job blah blah blah. She's sent me tons of screen shots of the messages and knew all about him/life/views etc, and once i sent him a copy of 1 sceen shot message he stopped with the bullshit.

He's staying at his mothers.
House is his only - not married - 2 kids - SAHM
Iv'e told him to write me a notice letter so i can apply for housing help - he thinks i should just continue living here with him at his mums, coming to see the kids
I want out, fresh start, me and the kids - no fucking lying cheating twat swanning in and out as he pleases.

Have told a couple of friends who are raging about how he doesnt deserve me bless them, seeing my family tomorrow so will tell them then.

God what a mess, my poor babies

@typicaltypical sorry to hear all of this, must be bloody awful, glad you have family around you to support you.

I’ve survived another day, exhausted again.
My boys wanted to have a sleep over together so put them in the spare room with all their teddies, it’s very sweet. They se happy. Spoke to the health visitor yesterday who wasn’t overly helpful but did say something helped when I want panicking about how I was going to cope. She said I already was, which is true. I’m exhausted but the children are being looked after and I’m doing the best I can for them.

Now sat in bed eating one of the kids Lindt bears, hoping they don’t notice. It’s my reward for getting through another day!

@Deerstalker
It’s so hard when your in love with someone and the feelings isn’t mutual. It’s makes the situation toxic. Have you got anyone around that could support you? Have you tried talking to him?

@typicaltypical
So sorry to hear that! What an absolute idiot, hope he realises what mess HE has caused, and what he has lost! you sound like your being strong, and have a good network of support around you.

@napssavelives
Haha I’m sure the boys won’t notice one bear. Another day crossed off. Glad she gave you some good advice, because it’s true your already coping, you just need to focus on you, the baby and your DC.

I’m sat here, with the 3DSC tucked up in bed upstairs, so I’m not alone tonight. I’ve taken them out for tea with my friend and her DC, they had a great time. Their dad has just been to “visit” he’s now gone back to his, as he is working early tomorrow. I was always having them solo this weekend. Under the circumstances, and the fact we are no longer together I should of just told him where to go. But for the sake of the DSC I said I’m not letting them down, might be a mugish move though. Think they understand something is going on though, as they keep coming out with comments. It’s just awful, even though they are my step DC I have helped raised them, and I don’t want to loose my family!!