Dating Thread 146 - Swipe Left Swipe Right

[MyOldBrainStoppedWorking]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

@richdinero I would get rid of that iron. All i hear in that message is...if nothing better crops up this week then i'll get back to you.

Indie I've just seen those! I could use something similar of my own making, maybe based around my interests, since their profiles don't give much away. At least it would give me something to talk about

Rich, maybe you should have suggested meeting up over the weekend.

@richdeniro I'd probably leave that with a 'ok no worries, have a good week"

Plus its freezing atm..

As a guy who uses Bumble I don't mind what the opening message is really. "Hello, good to match, how are you ?" is fine, just "Hi" is perhaps a bit too brief . So perhaps I do mind....

Executive summary: Don't overthink, just message.

Well I'm unusual then...  I'd prefer a "hi, how are you" to a forced question 😂😂

Only so many times a day I could answer that question! It got very boring so I ended up ignoring most of them

Yeah I'm going to go back with 'Drop me a text if you fancy meeting up when you’re better' or something like that and then leave it.

I just had a meeting with a recruitment consultant as our company is hiring at the moment and we need help (I work in HR), she was sooooo lovely and our chat in Starbucks felt more like a date. I wish I could ask her out but I suspect there would be some conflict of interests and I guess I have to remain professional

Bumble messages from girls mainly suck. The (very) few I have had have been "how are you?", which is the exact opposite of what I thought women want to see when guys message them first?

How are you is fine if they can follow it up with a nicer message once I have replied.
Like how was your weekend or just general interest chat

TBH is get so bored of having to say what tv/films /music I like as most the time it doesn't match what they like

It’s hard to write anymore than ‘hi, how are you’ as unlike POF the profiles on Bumble often don’t say anything about the person and many people don’t have many photos, there’s not much to start a conversation?

If someone says hi how are you? Then I reply I'm fine how are you? Its a start but it just feels like lazy messaging and in my experience it never moves forward well.
I'd rather find something a bit more interesting to open the chat with. Doesn't have to be 'tell me your favourite movie etc'.
I try and find something that we can talk about from the start. The weather, best place for coffee, gin flavours, what you would do with £1000.

But I have little success finding irons or dates, so perhaps I should stick to Hi.

Marking my place. After Mr Stockings - I matched n chatted with someone with good banter. That's my thing. Easy on the eyes too. And he came up as 'people you may know' on fb. Turns out he's freinds with a freind of mine and they're going to a gig tonight....the assesment - he's good fun, but reckless & bi-polar. Cheated on his wife. I can see this is going to be a fun week

@Lovemusic33 I don't right swipe on a guy who can't be bothered to put anything in his profile

My feeling is they're either lazy and think they're gods gift or arrogant enough to think they're so good looking they don't need to write anything

@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking if I get a message saying hi how are you or how's you (my most hated message) I just say 'fine thanks'

To the people who offered to look at my profile, I've reinstated my pof profile. It was a few pages ago, so would anyone willing drop me a PM and I can send the link directly? I'd appreciate pointers on photos as well , i.e., which ones to use and which to drop (I'm hoping my selfie with a snake and radiator shot make the grade), or whether I need to take a bunch o new ones

Hi everyone. Just catching up.
I have to say I prefer a personalised hello. As in, they've looked at something which interests them and asks a relevant question.

Does anyone have any time to provide a little advice please? Am ever so slightly heart-broken but also very annoyed.

I met someone just before Xmas as part of an old-fashioned set-up. The chemistry was there and amazing and we pretty much dtd that evening. (He works for a friend so I figured safe?).

He lives 150 miles away but through him and I traveling work to places we get to see each other - 4 weekends so far. He's always talked a bit about a school close female friend of his (slightly irritating but I shrugged it off). But she got very ill recently (almost died) / she is fine now and will be fine from now) but this obviously scared him.
But he just doesn't stop talking about her - this weekend he must have mentioned her name 50 times and showed me photos of her (after just visiting her).

I did last night ask him if he had ever fancied her and he said "no, not really"
But has managed to swing into separate conversations that as she does extreme sports she has a super fit body, a nice bum and is pretty. He is also into fairly extreme sports - I - on the other hand am lazy and about a stone heavier than I'd like to be.
After asking that simple question the mood has shifted between us. I left him this morning feeling flat and tbh a little angry. Looking back through my messages the majority are raunchy, he doesn't often ask he how I am.

Sigh. Not sure what to do!!

richdeniro just re reading some of your posts, you seem to almost over-invest quite quickly with your days! Wondering if you got yourself a FWB might stop you doing that? 😉

Dates not days! 🙈

Dates not days!

Good to see your spelling on here is about as good as your texting

Hello just place marking. Not on the apps. On bumble I used to try and comment on their profile - so if they said they loved travel I would ask where they had been or something like that. But you have to count on lots never getting back to you!

Wow. How have I not realised that you guys exist? I didn't even know there was a dating app section. I now have to spend a happy evening going back over the messages.

@richdeniro are you being too available? I hate to say it but some men and women seem to both like a bit of chase/hard to get. Maybe you are meeting these unfortunately

placemarking. After a shit week at work last week, this week has started the same way (car into a barrier after skidding on ice, late for work, that kind of thing lol) so I'm exhausted and stressed out, so chilling tonight with a beer and will catch up after gym tomorrow morning.

Rich I genuinely don't believe you're doing anything wrong per se, I think you just haven't met the right person for you yet. In a way it's going to be really hard for you living in London, as you will get tonnes of matches and an easy way to get your hopes up and invest very quickly.

You just have to remember as much as you go into every date with a woman with the best of intentions and your heart in the right place, unfortunately others don't. Online dating is like Facebook, it's what you want the world to see of you and you can tailor your approach to the person. Some people are going to lie unfortunately.

I do wonder about the girl on Friday night, she met you as she couldn't get a train, so it wasn't planned and you were just filling a gap for her really until her next train. I don't think she's right for you and rather than messaging asking if she's free or anything else you have to be curt, wish her a good week and let her go. I do believe you're making yourself too available - you seem to just drop everything to meet a girl and I think that comes across as desperate. You really will get there one day, you have to kiss a lot of frogs first it seems!