Abortion - being pushed to have one

[Amandadu1]

Hello,

A few months back, I started seeing a guy who seemed perfect.. well perfect for me. He was funny, we had a lot of fun, went out for nice dinners together, both quite similar in personality and quite passionate..both in a good and bad way. We probably fell too quickly for each other. He told me that he had never felt this way about anyone before and told me that he loved me after a few weeks. I said it was too soon but eventually caved in. Everything was just going so great with us and seemed wayyyy too good to be true.

And then Christmas came around. 10 weeks after we first slept together I found out that I was pregnant. While we had protection, we had one little problem one day. And it was the day that I would’ve been ovulating. In hindsight I should have had the morning after pill but I didn’t think I’d be pregnant so soon.

My first reaction was that I’d terminate it. No questions asked. Way too soon to have a baby. But then I started researching and then I got some serious guilt. He’s been extremely supportive until he realised that I may want to keep it. Something inside me went from wanting to spend every minute with him and not getting enough of each other to starting to genuinely think he’s a heartless prick.

He started telling me that it’s either the baby or him. Basically if I keep the baby then we are finished. I’ve let him know that even if I have the baby, I don’t expect him to support me in any way if he doesn’t want to but he’s been quite adamant that I terminate. We went from the perfect couple to feeling like a couple that’s been together for a long time that just constantly fights.

I’ve told him that if I terminate the baby, I’ll potentially resent him for making me choose. He thinks I’m being selfish for bringing the baby into a world in this situation.

I booked an abortion clinic just to make him happy and we were there today. The nurse was lovely and told me on the side when he wasn’t next to me that I should not have come into the clinic if I wasn’t sure and suggested I get some counseling before I make any decision.

I don’t want to add extra stress in this guys life and feel like I’m a selfish person for wanting this baby. I just feel absolutely horrible for killing a life. I’m nearing 9 weeks and know it’s got a heartbeat with the brain developing. I just feel like it’ll have feelings and he keeps telling me it’s just a foetous.

Has anyone gone through with an abortion just to make others happy? I am so torn on what to do. 😭😭 the dr at the clinic said that the procedure itself is quite fast but the emotional trauma can take a while. I’m not sure how I’ll cope with the decision. Do I go on and have the baby and be miserable that something so great has ended with someone that I truly loved and hope that we may get back together after a year or two? OR do I terminate and feel miserable for god knows how long and hope that we can pull through..

Please help..

@Smotheroffive HOW MANY TIMES. I have said it is not acceptable for a person to force another person to do ANYTHING. But it is acceptable for the male OR female to voice their opinion that they do not want to become a parent.

& @Dimsumlosesum how rude of you to mention my child in your post. Reported.

He's not the same though is he Hugo's, he has no rights over a woman's body, like OPs bf, he has no rights to put her through a distressing procedure. Isn't that the point, that men and women are different? That is is her choice, she can neither ha the baby because he wants it, nor abort because he doesnt?.

We're not equal, but we should have rights as women. That's not eroding women's rights; this was only just made legal in Ireland, but its been legal here! Women should have the right to decide about their own body, and they do.

Hugo - I’m sure you are having quite a larf winding up us “ladies”. But this isnt your thread and its not about you and your views.

Please take your debate elsewhere and leave this space for the OP and the people who are trying to support her. This is her life.

But it's the females 'right' to make life changing decisions for both parties involved though... Okay.

I'm not engaging anymore because it is derailing the thread.

It seems my original post on this thread has completely gone off on a tangent- I merely suggested that god forbid the man in the scenario be treated as having an equal say in the matter- isn't that what ladies are always fighting for- equality? You can't have it all ways- superior one minute, equals the next, inferior the next... Jesus.

HugoBearsMummy Equality doesn't mean being treated the same, it means being treated fairly. Pregnancy can never be 'equal' as a man will never experience it. I said it earlier but it bears repeating given that you don't seem to have taken it in. But I agree with PP.. Poor Hugo. And your daughter even more so.

Anyone who puts 'right' in inverted commas when referring to a woman's right to choose to continue a pregnancy or terminate is on a wind up.

OP, I hope you are OK, I hope you feel able to make the decision that is right for you and have support throughout from people who love you and have your best interests at heart. (Not the boyfriend)

Geezus talk about a me-rail! Yep, that's right, females should have medical procedures on their bodies they don't want cuz dammit, it's just no fair that they have a uterus and are the only humans who can carry and produce an infant. Waaa!!!!

But I agree with PP.. Poor Hugo. And your daughter even more so.
I have reported your post as well. How dare you think it's acceptable to mention a fellow MNetter's children on your post Just because they don’t share the same view as you. Rude and totally out of order.

What a terrible thing to teach your child, that you should have a medical procedure on your body that you don't want. Ever. I find that fucking barbaric.

HugoBearsMummy I don't think it's a personal attack, more, an expressing of sympathy. If it gets deleted, it gets deleted. Interesting that you choose to get offended about that and not ignore the of the rest of the post. Shame. Have a nice day.

*And Ignore the rest of the post.

OP, do what YOU want to do. If he wants nothing to do with you or the baby so be it. But if you don't want an abortion, don't have one.

I don't think having one will save your relationship as you have already seen him for what he really is, and no one who loves you will give you a dilemma like that, the question is, will you be able to live with yourself after you have an abortion? Think about just yourself and your unborn baby and no one else.

It's literally your username, mummy of Hugo.

Hope you're ok op. I can only imagine this is beyond a difficult time for you. X

@hugobearsmummy

god forbid the man in the scenario be treated as having an equal say in the matter- isn't that what ladies are always fighting for- equality,

The thing is, one person has to take precedence. The father here wants to abort, the mother to keep the baby. They can't both get what they want so it's impossible to give equal weight to both their preferences.

And the thing is, pregnancy termination is a medical procedure endured by the bearer, not by anyone else. NO ONE should undergo a medical procedure he or she does not want. A person's bodily autonomy is paramount and should be sacrosanct otherwise what is the point in modern laws. We all have reproductive autonomy in this country, thankfully.

Dear god there is FAR too much of women already enduring medical treatments they do not want or even consent to. But encouraging them to do so because it suits another person?

I find that barbaric.

@HugoBearsMummy but it can never be equal. There are only two opinions involved... so if there is a stalemate, who's opinion becomes the answer? Surely the woman's as it has the greatest impact on her body...it's not that he doesn't have a voice, it's that he doesn't have veto.

@HugoBearsMummy I don't feel you answered my questions I will repeat. If your DS absconds as he has got a lady pregnant and she's not wanting to terminate. Do you step up to the plate and be a Granny and help? Thus us an important question because just like there is no such thing as illegitimate so if your DS passes before yourself DGC could have claim on your estate. You will find lots of people with who's parents are absent have a whole family absent. That's because morales come from the home. Yes curved balls come into your life the answers is not to just terminate, it's a procedure with risks physically and emotionally. How can you downplay abortion it's essentially ending life, regardless of your beliefs about abortion it's a major decision.

I'm not interested in responding to any more posts. I'm just going round and round in circles and no one is listening to the fact that I have said repeatedly I do not think the female OR male in the situation should be forced in to anything & that both parties should have a say in their own future and the future of their unborn child!

I don't agree that the man shouldn't be entitled to an opinion & I think the majority of the posters on this thread are incredibly self centred & selfish to say it's the woman's way or no way.

And I personally wouldn't WANT to bring a child in to the world knowing it's father wanted nothing to do with it & would be of no support to me or the child, especially after only knowing the guy 10 WEEKS! But seems I'm in the very very small monitory who shares these morals.

Won't be responding any more as it's getting ridiculous having to justify myself when I actually haven't said anything harsh or nasty! Just that the man and woman should be treated as equals!

But unless both agree, one has to be forced into something, logically. Or just wait until the pregnancy comes to its natural conclusion.

@HugoBearsMummy You still haven't responded. Of course ideally couple should decide together but the days of waiting TIL marriage to have sex are over. How will you feel if your DD gets pregnant from a fling the father doesn't want to know. Will you support your DD whatever her decision? It takes bravery to have a child alone, having women with your attitude is smug.

@HugoBearsMummy You still haven't responded. Of course ideally a couple should decide together but the days of waiting TIL marriage to have sex are over. How will you feel if your DD gets pregnant from a fling the father doesn't want to know. Will you support your DD whatever her decision? Or think she's a selfish ho? It takes bravery to have a child alone, having women with your attitude is smug.

... and this arguing back and forth about who has what rights is helping op exactly how?
No wonder she hasn’t been back. Nice work.

OP, if you’re still there...

This man is not worthy of you. It is not down to the stress of his ill mum, or any other excuse he’s like to make, it’s because HE wanted to control how this relationship would go (starting with lovebombing), and this pregnancy has messed up HIS plans. He doesn’t care what you want, he never did.

Only you can decide whether or not to proceed with this pregnancy, but I feel you must make this decision with no thought of him being in your life. I think, as well as having counselling, it may also be time to turn to a trusted friend or family member for support, even if you haven’t made a choice yet. Do you have someone like that, who will listen and help without judging? Pregnancy is a very vulnerable time, and you need someone, especially as you don’t have a supportive partner.

All the best to you OP.