Partner won’t shower

[TinselandWine41]

I’ve been with my boyfriend nearly three years; been living together for 2. He’s lovely, supportive, etc... overall no issues in our relationship. Love him to bits. However, his hygiene is just... well.

I’ve known him to go up to a week or longer without having a shower. I’m sure most nights he doesn’t brush his teeth. Funnily enough, he doesn’t really smell. Unless I’m “noseblind”. I usually approach the subject by jokingly telling him how flabbergasted I am that he’s not showered in days and doesn’t smell. As a way of hinting. Occasionally, I’ve tried to gently explain that he needs to shower more; to think of those nooks and crannies... sorry for tmi. He always tells me he was going to, then forgets... don’t know how one couldn “forget”. I wouldn’t dream of leaving the house if I hadn’t showered in 2 days, nevermind a week!

I can completely understand that he might be someone who doesn’t need to shower every day. That’s fine. But I think he should every other day, at least. Even though he doesn’t usually smell, it’s the idea of him going so long without washing that’s quite off-putting. Do I need to approach this differently? I’d feel awful to shame him about it (as I’ve seen people suggest before) - to me that’s just nasty. How can I be more to the point whilst still being tactful?

Am I the only person who's going to mention oral sex? Does that happen if someone doesn't wash, because it certainly wouldn't happen in my house!

Or any sex! I can’t imagine being keen to have 7 day unwashed willy in my nice clean fanjo

I know when my partner wants nookie because he has a bath! Those nights I make sure I'm in bed early

Just to add: and snoring loudly

How often do you change his straw? 😅

I'd be saying won't shower? Then I won't be sharing a bed/bodily fluids.

Grim.

Exactly @HollowTalk

I mean, I like cheese as much as the next person but not on someone's cock.

OP, we live in Australia in a rural property. We have no mains water here.

All our water is rain water which is collected in 4 big water tanks. This water is priceless, we use it for everything, drinking, washing, laundry.

Rain has been very limited the past couple of years but we have all still managed to shower EVERY DAY.

If we run out of water, we have to pay a man to deliver it in a big tanker which is expensive but still we don’t shirk on washing ourselves.

Your DP has no excuse, you have water on tap but he can’t be bothered.

I know a girl who kept getting infections and it turned out it was a hygiene /bacterial problem . But she washes a good amount /doesn't over wash. TurnEd out her partner (whom she didn't live with) just didn't shower. Like he would every week but that was it. She explained it to him and said she wasn't having sex with him until his habits changed. Now they are married , he regularly showers (esspecially once she suggested they shower together more)

Sorry but everybody needs to shower every day. Anything less is just rank. You will be used to the smell now and I hate to say it but you probably smell of him too. Gross, I couldn’t live with him.

Actually, this is not true, at all.

Dermatologists now say that as a culture we are showering too often at once a day, and it's doing our skin more harm then good.

There's a lot of misinformation in this thread saying that anything less than once a day is not hygienic, this is from new cultural norms rather then based on any health benefits.

As I have had eczema since I was a child I have always been advised against daily showering and told these things from my doctors, that we shouldn't be showering or bathing every single day as it causes more damage to the skin.

Here's a link to one such site.
www.verywellhealth.com/how-often-should-you-shower-4154629

And an article

www.indy100.com/article/how-often-shower-regularly-clean-hygiene-health-7685806

However a google will produce a lot more references.

I also think the more you shower, the more you feel you need to shower and your skin feels like it gets dirtier easier. In the summer I shower a lot more, sometimes twice a day, but then my skin is ruined. But I found I felt I needed a shower only after a few hours because I was doing that to my skin.

I don't shower every day, and I don't smell and I am hygienic.

Beans like your style

I had an ex like this. As a child his mother only made him bath on a Sunday and it was a habit he'd taken through to adult hood. He didn't particularly smell but sometimes there was a distinct arsey scent where he'd been sat on the sofa 🤮🤮
I did eventually manage to show him the light but he's still my ex 😂

@bethy15

My DP has bouts of eczema, and I fully agree that showering every day would do his skin more harm than good. I am perfectly fine with him showering every other day, if that’s what he’s comfortable with. As I’ve mentioned before, he’s not sweaty and doesn’t need to shower daily. I prefer to have one every day, for myself. I personally feel a bit grubby if I don’t have one every day, but that’s my personal preference.

My point from the start was that I wasn’t happy with him going 3-7 days without one, regardless of whether he smells or not. To me, that was being lazy and unhygienic. Up until I spoke to him, I don’t think he even realised it was affecting me. But he’s been sticking to his word so far (had a shower Thursday and this morning!)

Well that seems to be moving in the right direction OP. I hope the new habit sticks!

Sorry but that is fucking disgusting. Of course, he will smell 'beddy' and musty close up. I'm a bit of a clean freak so I wouldn't even consider dating a guy who didn't shower at least once a day. My worst nightmare.

My husband is similar, sometimes I have to tell him he smells, and to go have a shower. I think it's lazyness myself... And would/does put me off in the bedroom at times. Luckily it only gets to about 3 or 4 days without and nothing longer!

My partner is the same its disgraceful we have been together over 10 years, I offer to sort him a shower or bath and get clothes ready but he still cant be bothered, it often make me vomit and we never sleep in the same room and he also gets irate that we have no intimacy but his hygiene if horrendous so I canr face it. Yuk

Year old ZOMBIE thread.

🤮